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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect bf of a year to come to a christening with me?

57 replies

pornstarmartinilover · 31/10/2018 16:18

I've been invited to a christening of a colleague in a few weeks time. I asked bf if he will come with me. We've been together in total (including a 4 month separation a year ago) for 18 months. He's never met the people whose christening t is and won't know anyone who is going. Is also about one hour away. It falls on the weekend that we usually spend together.
His reaction wasn't great. He said he would feel awkward as he doesn't know anyone. I agreed and pointed out that this is the sort of thing that you do in relationships and that in terms of not knowing anyone, you have to start somewhere. He didn't reply and said that he would have to think about it. I was a little annoyed and stand-off ish after that as I think that after this long you should want to do things like this with your partner. He then went to work. I'll not see him now until Sunday but we usually text a lot throughout the day. I feel like it's the elephant in the room now and. Don't what what to say!! Am I being unreasonable to want him to come with me? What should I say? Should I text acknowledging the conversation and explain why I was a bit upset, or just ignore it and wait until he brings it up?

OP posts:
TulipsInBloom1 · 31/10/2018 16:19

For a colleague, yabu. Its not like its a lifelong friend he would do well to get to know.

RiverTam · 31/10/2018 16:21

I don't think I would do in those circumstances.

Original poster
pornstarmartinilover · 31/10/2018 16:21

Thanks. I should have added that although she is a colleague, she's a friend, lives near me and we have also been invited to her wedding x

OP posts:
dontalltalkatonce · 31/10/2018 16:22

He's just not that into you. Sorry, but that separation and his actions now should be sending you a pretty clear message: he's not that fussed about this relationship. He can take it or leave it. He's not a partner, just a boyfriend. You need to start accepting this and think what you need to do.

Alfie190 · 31/10/2018 16:22

I disagree with above. I think after 18 months it is perfectly reasonable to expect a partner to come to events with you.

Shoxfordian · 31/10/2018 16:22

It is the sort of thing he should go to with you

Alfie190 · 31/10/2018 16:23

I am afraid I agree with the person that has said he is not that into you. If he were, he would want to get to know people in your work and social circle.

PurpleDaisies · 31/10/2018 16:24

I don’t think there’s a hard and fast rule.

Has he been to other events with you?

Crunchymum · 31/10/2018 16:24

I wouldn't want to go to a colleagues christening (or wedding, or birthday) so no way would I expect my partner to want to go.

Out of interest is it the actual colleagues christening? Or their child?

Jaxtellerswife · 31/10/2018 16:25

There could be a deep reason aboutvthe relationship or it could be that he finds christenings boring or something? Is he religious? I wouldn't rush to a christening so it could just be something like that

redexpat · 31/10/2018 16:26

I've stopped going to Church for people. Its boring and I dont have faith. Im not interested unless its someone I really care about so everyone who isnt my dc or pils.

Is this the first invitation youve had as a couple? Does he go to other stuff with you?

RiverTam · 31/10/2018 16:27

not necessarily. DH was quite like this, we've been together for 17 years! He's very private, disliked any kind of public display of affection, hated doing 'coupley' things.

Topseyt · 31/10/2018 16:27

I wouldn't go to the christening of a colleague's child unless they were also a particularly close friend.

I don't go to events with DH's work colleagues either because I wouldn't know anyone and wouldn't enjoy it, so I can see where he is coming from.

Go on your own if it is that important to you. Meet him afterwards.

Kittensupthecurtains · 31/10/2018 16:27

Of course he should go. ! How on earth does he get to start meeting your friends if he doesn't start.
I kind of agree with PP. He just isn't that fussed. A man who was into you would be happy accompanying you anywhere. Would want to be seen as your partner. It's an 'occasion '.

I would bin him op. As my dad used to say, 'If a man isn't crazy about you, he's not worth half an hour of your time'.

Seniorschoolmum · 31/10/2018 16:28

I wouldn’t go for a christening because I’m an atheist and so it would be uncomfortable & hypocritical of me.

I can understand your dp’s lack of enthusiasm.

redexpat · 31/10/2018 16:28

unless its someone I really care about so everyone who isnt my dc or pils. gets a thanks but no thanks.

adaline · 31/10/2018 16:28

I wouldn't expect DH to go to one of my colleagues' weddings or anything like that. He doesn't know them and we don't really hang out outside of work.

I don't think him not wanting to means that he's not really into you, it could just be he hates big events like that, or doesn't want to go to an event where he doesn't know anyone else - I don't like things like that either, it doesn't mean I don't want to be with DH. I just find that kind of thing very difficult and prefer to be with just a few people rather than a huge group.

Sinead100 · 31/10/2018 16:29

Is your partner a bit of an introvert? My DH was like this until we'd been together for about 2.5/3 years. Some folks genuinely struggle with going places where they know nobody else. He may just find it a bit harder to make conversation.

AGHHHH · 31/10/2018 16:29

If he were, he would want to get to know people in your work and social circle.

Why does his desire to meet her work friends have any bearing on their relationship?

Kittensupthecurtains · 31/10/2018 16:31

Did no one read ... she's a friend, lives near me and we have also been invited to her wedding x or are you all so self absorbed that you cannot be happy for someone else celebrating their faith ? What happened to 'thank you for the invitation '

MaruMaru · 31/10/2018 16:31

I don't think you can "expect" this from your bf. You could 'ask' him to come and support you. Events like this (christening/ wedding) are no fun whatsoever if you don't know anyone. They can be wonderful if they are for your family or friends...
Some people also feel uncomfortable with the formality, the dressing up, the church etc.
Could you make it more appealing to him by turning it into a day out or weekend away? Then there's something he might actually enjoy.
YABU to "expect" but you could ask for him to go with you, and be grateful if he does.

Lemondrizzlecake1 · 31/10/2018 16:33

Christenings are dull and a little awkward even when you know the people very well! If my husband asked me to go to his work colleagues christening that I haven’t even met I’d say no and we are married. A wedding ok, but a christening it’d be a no.

I don’t blame your b/f for saying no.

araiwa · 31/10/2018 16:36

Colleague?

Fuck that

Original poster
pornstarmartinilover · 31/10/2018 16:36

Thank you. Very mixed responses!! I think I'll cut him some slack then for the christening as it seems that a lot of people wouldn't want to go, irrespective of how they feel about someone. I'll see what happens with his response about the wedding.
I'm just different I suppose as I would say yes, no hesitation.... doesn't matter whether I'd want to or not. I'd just do it for the person I'm with.

OP posts:
redexpat · 31/10/2018 16:40

I mean this in the nicest possible way but I think it would be healthy to examine why you would say yes to something you dont actually want to do because your dp asks you.

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