My body is ruined...

[CharlieBeanti]

9 days PP. Suffering greatly due to hormones and feeling very 'blue' so please bear with me and understand that I may not be speaking 100% sense/logically.

I loved my body before my baby. Washboard stomach, nice boobs, toned and confident. I now have a 'jelly belly' that I can't see ever looking nice again as it is covered in stretch marks. My boobs are huge, nipples look ridiculous and again covered in deep stretch marks. I have stretch marks on my bum and thighs. Cellulite popped up everywhere even though my weight gain was within normal/recommended. My hair is falling out already, I have piles, I have blotches and dark patches all over my skin.

I've gone from feeling incredibly beautiful as a pregnant woman, to feeling highly unattractive as a mother.

Please help. I feel like I'm spiralling from normal low mood after pregnancy to PND.

My body should be the last of my worries but I'm utterly sad about it...

Will I ever look okay again? Is it possible? Or will I always look like a stretch mark covered wobbly person?

90% of women get stretch marks. It doesn’t help that the 10% who are lucky enough to avoid them post photos of themselves on social media with captions like “look at me, this is proof that if you eat healthy then pregnancy doesn’t have to ruin your body”. And celebrities who have nutritionists and personal trainers and get induced early to avoid damage to their bodies are held up as examples of what you can look like after pregnancy.

My body is also ruined. I did nothing wrong. I ate healthy, did yoga and swimming, and went two weeks overdue. My stomach is stretched and scarred and won’t go flat again. I have to live with that. But I won’t be shamed and told it’s my fault, because it isn’t.

Sending the whole lot for you and a big hug!
Take a nice slow deep breath. You are doing great at this. Your body will recover - it took 9 months to get like this, so give it 9 months to rebuild. It’s amazing what the human body can do. If you really feel concerned about your stomach see about a post party waist trainer (Gap do one now)
Hope you feel better soon!

Post partum, not post party

Ah you poor thing. But you’ve just finished a nine month marathon. And haven’t slept since you finished.

How good do you think those mountaineers look when they get back down off Everest ? They look shit - their bodies have given up every last bit of their reserves to get through and that’s what you’ve done. Plus you haven’t done something pointless like climb a sodding mountain. You’ve made a tiny human.

So what you should be doing right now is curling up on the sofa with a cup of tea, watching shit telly and healing while baby sleeps on you. That’s it. Nothing else.

And don’t panic about missing precious moments. They are bullshit anyway . I fell in love with my baby at four months. I think I was in shock until then. No harm done.

There’s a saying that the soul moves at the speed of a camel. It’s supposed to be about travel but I think it’s really apt here. Your life has turned upside down and your soul hasn’t caught up yet. Give your soul time to catch up with you. You do this by sitting on the sofa.

OP, give yourself at least 6 weeks to 3 months. I had my second at the beginning of July. I hated my body post-partum, but I promise you, it will get much better and you will heal. I deliberately tried to “park” the body anxiety for 6 weeks to heal then started diet and exercise. I hated the sensation of not being in control of my body but it really does not last forever. I have some weight to lose, but four months since DS’ birth, I feel like myself and although my body has changed, I am happy with it, proud of myself and pleasantly surprised with certain of the changes. Please be kind to yourself xx

Like bloob I thought my body would just be normal after giving birth to twins. Looking back I have no idea why. I ended up buying some new larger clothes, then I gave away my smaller fancy clothes. What I didn't realize was that a year later without too much grief I could have worn them again. Be kind to yourself, it will get better, your body will heal and you can return to a similar if not identical pre birth shape.

Oh OP I felt exactly like this even though I was so happy to have my beloved baby girl I was not prepared for how hideous I felt physically. I promise, promise it passes in the blink of an eye. Just rest when you can and be kind to yourself. It’s taken nearly a year for your body to change it will take time to recover. I had no stretch marks at all until three days before I gave birth! I was so annoyed lol. They were angry and red and so bad, 11 months on I can’t see them! Maybe the faintest little marks but honestly scarcely noticeable. Cry when you need to, it’s fine and you need to let it out!! We all have moments where we think “what have I done!” after having a baby, the worst part is how we crucify ourselves for these emotions whereas if everyone was a bit more bloody honest we as new mothers wouldn’t feel so guilty for thinking this way sometimes and ultimately become more unhappy! Congratulations on your little one ❤️

Oh sweetheart please don't beat yourself up. Like everyone else has said your body has done an incredible thing! I was the same as you though. Id go out in bralets and had a washboard stomach without even working out. Yes I've put a bit of weight on and I went up a dress size, I was an 8 and now im a 10-12 But I love my bum as I never really had one before. The cellulite is pretty bad but its not like I want to wear a mini skirt again anyway.
Im 3 years down the line now and I've accepted my body.
You will get there too but in the meantime if you're still feeling weepy in a couple of days do talk to your midwife.

I don’t know anything about PND but I am pregnant with baby no 3 and I can tell you, honestly, it goes back to normal. It will never be exactly the same if you have stretch marks or scars but they do fade. You will look amazing again, give yourself time and concentrate on baby. You will love your body again x x

When my much wanted Ds1 was born, dh packed me off to have an afternoon nap every day for the first two weeks. And every day for the first two weeks I couldn't sleep until I'd had a cry and a silent wail about how I'd made a terrible mistake and it was too late to send him back.

I found the first few weeks exceptionally hard and not remotely magical. I loved him to bits and there were moments of great joy, but it was BLOODY HARD. It's fine not to find them magical;you've just had a bomb lobbed into your life. Don't put additional pressure on yourself because you're still adjusting and not floating on a pink fluffy cloud of rapture or whatever.

My stretch marks have faded, my boobs went back to normal (almost) both times. Better days are coming, I promise you.

Oh love. I can’t add anything but just want to send you a MASSIVE hug and also congratulations on the baby xxx

Take lots of videos! Sometimes it's hard to enjoy the now because we are so worried about missing it! It is such a huge transition going from pregnant woman to mother, emotionally, physically and mentally. Be kind to yourself.

@SputnikBear whether you get stretch marks is down to genetics. I don't have them - my OH was surprised - and I definitely didn't eat healthily during my pregnancy. In the case of celebrities most of their photos are air brushed to f* plus it is their full-time job to look perfect.

Hi op. I looked like I had been in a car crash pp. I was very very shocked and traumatised. I was also a mess emotionally. I recovered and I did look good again. My tummy will never look perfect again but it looked better than I ever imagined it would when I looked at it post birth. Hope your dp is being kind x

OP please listen to the advice and encouragement of the women here. If it's any consolation I found my body took longer to recover with the first baby. After the second and third it seemed to be better, who knows why?!
Do not look at social media or any of those stupid sites that talk about post baby bodies and how they got back in their jeans blah, blah, blah.
As a previous poster said, her body looked like she'd been in a car crash, use humour, it really helps.
I remember being in the shower after I'd given birth and looked down and thought what a disaster but as everyone has said, it will get better.
Hang in there and enjoy those beautiful newborn snuggles.

I forgot to add that after each baby I sweated buckets overnight. Was really disgusted about how much I sweated, it must have been my body releasing excess fluid. Human bodies really are amazing.

Many, many years ago when I had my first baby I was saying the same sort of thing as the OP and my husband said 'you can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs'. I thought it was a ridiculous thing to say but I've come around to liking the phrase - my body is still is a bit crap from having given birth even though it was decades ago. Now if I ever feel fed up about it I think of my adult omelettes

Post partum, I had a huge belly with multiple stretch marks and an overstretched, saggy navel. Also, when DD was 13 weeks old, I started losing an astonishing amount of hair, and this hair loss went on for two or three months.

Six months after the birth, my belly was back to its pre-pregnancy size, and my navel was no longer saggy. Nearly all of my stretch marks were virtually invisible and my breasts were back to their pre-pregnancy size and shape (although they don't feel quite as firm). Also, my hair started recovering and thickening up again.

Please speak to your midwife, health visitor or GP. They should be able to reassure you. I found the first few weeks after the birth really tough, and an emotional rollercoaster, but things did improve enormously once DD put on some weight and began sleeping pretty well.

you might never get it back...so what now.your body has changed.its has had to.but that just different now.cant you work with what you have now and see it as beautiful.yes its major different to you and what you honed it into before.but its been honed now by an amazing mother creating a human insdie of her!
we can say all the things to you but it has to come from inside you.you have to accept that your different now but just as gorgeous.have you changed?has all your wittiness and humour and glam personality changed?have you become any different.no.your vehicle that carries you onwared through life has changed shape but your new shape can be gorgeous.youve got a few stripes on you.a few more gatherings here and there.why is that bad,shocking or ugly or fat or wrong?what tells you a this certain look of "bigger" or "curvier" is bad.society and diet culture and those around nyou in the media does.what once told you a certain flat board stomach was good.you got that growing up and learning it.but that not right.whoever you are right now is amazing.
the woman you are the skin your in the body you have is you.therefore she is beautiful.your still driven by the same things.you are still warm and kind and loving. but you are now a mother so that's a bonus.
your body is different.but still beautiful.and that has to come from you knowing it now too.

How old are you OP? Twenties? You will return to your pre-pregnant state by about day 9. Thirties? It could take several months.... Forties? Not a fucking chance..

Haven't RTFT but apart from some loose skin on my belly you honestly can't tell I've had two children. I am proud of what my body has done and that I am now stronger and more toned than I've ever been.

I didn't particularly work on changing my pregnancy body, I just love to run and exercise so do it for myself.

The crying - yeah I did that ALOT too.

Congratulations on your baby.

In regards to missing out on the newborn stage, please don't worry about that. I know everyone tells you it 'goes so fast', but that's looking back on it.

My baby is nearly 12 weeks, and still has all the wonderful attributes of a newborn, but with the added bonus that he sleeps longer, and smiles lots.

You have lots of time to enjoy and bond with your baby. You're only at the very start of this new role - if this were a job you'd still be looking for the kettle and trying to work the copier! Be kind to yourself in these early days, and do, do ask for help and support from everyone - midwife, family, health visitor.

I'm 4 weeks post partem. Those first two weeks were awful. I felt like I didn't recognise myself, my insides felt like they were going to fall out. My belly felt a sack of dough and I had stretch marks on my belly that were red and angry. Things have improved a lot. I've still got a stone and a half to lose but my tummy has firmed up and I know longer worry when I sneeze that my bits are going to explode. I live in hope that in another month I will feel even better. I wasnt prepared for the emotional side of accepting how my body has changed. But then I look at my son and he was worth it....still not sure I'll do it again though haha. Congratulations on your baby

It is a very long time since I was in your position, OP, but I remember the feelings as if it were yesterday. Just a couple of pieces of advice for you. Please take the word “should” and throw it in the bin. That word is the cause of so much parental guilt and bad feelings. Just ignore the word and simply do the best that you can at the time.

Also, each stage of your child is magical. From the newborn stage right through until your children are as old as mine and beyond. I still catch myself in amazement at what my DSs are doing even now, thinking about the absolute miracle that I grew them inside me and nurtured them as babies and young children. They still come to me for love and hugs, to hear how proud of them I am, for advice and affirmation. And now I can lean on them a little too. I know that I wasn’t the perfect Mum, no one is, but I am their Mum and that is fine.

You won’t enjoy every minute of being a parent, but try to remember that the bad times are never forever and that something good is always around the corner. And when you child is in their late twenties, as mine are, you will still remember how you felt today, but you will look back and send hugs to the person you were.

Look after yourself, these feelings will soon fade. Best wishes from an “old” Mum to a new Mum.

@Gurlwiththecurl I’m in tears here reading your post. My DD is one in two weeks time and I just feel exactly as you described, every magical stage. Every sleepless night, every time I am on my knees (literally scraping food off the floor) wading through crappy nappies, it is all so worth it for those “oh my gosh I made that!” moments x