My body is ruined...

[CharlieBeanti]

9 days PP. Suffering greatly due to hormones and feeling very 'blue' so please bear with me and understand that I may not be speaking 100% sense/logically.

I loved my body before my baby. Washboard stomach, nice boobs, toned and confident. I now have a 'jelly belly' that I can't see ever looking nice again as it is covered in stretch marks. My boobs are huge, nipples look ridiculous and again covered in deep stretch marks. I have stretch marks on my bum and thighs. Cellulite popped up everywhere even though my weight gain was within normal/recommended. My hair is falling out already, I have piles, I have blotches and dark patches all over my skin.

I've gone from feeling incredibly beautiful as a pregnant woman, to feeling highly unattractive as a mother.

Please help. I feel like I'm spiralling from normal low mood after pregnancy to PND.

My body should be the last of my worries but I'm utterly sad about it...

Will I ever look okay again? Is it possible? Or will I always look like a stretch mark covered wobbly person?

I could have written your post word for word. 18 months ago I was in exactly the same position as you and was consumed by worries over whether my much loved, hard fought, pre-baby body would ever return. It was so hard not to think about because it meant so much to me.

I know you're scared but you need to give yourself time and be kind to yourself no matter what. You and your body just created life and that's no mean feat. Your hormones will settle down, as impossible as that feels right now. Everything about your body that is now new and unfamiliar to you will settle and get better with time.

If you feel the worries are getting the better of you, and no one would judge you if they are, please consider speaking to your GP or HV about it. I also lost some time with my DS in an emotional sense because my body back then made me so sad and angry. My GP prescribed some anti anxiety medication around 3 months post partum and it really helped to manage those feelings and get back to a positive, happy frame of mind.

This isn't me bragging but trying to give you hope, as you ask if it's possible to ever look okay again: Yes it is because I do now. Thanks to eating well (but not dieting) and exercising sensibly when time permitted I dropped back down to my pre-baby weight and gained my muscle tone back. If you had it before your body does well to remember it. My stomach line has faded away and my stretch marks over my bum are now white and almost invisible. You also retain water and that disperses over time as well, helping you to feel less 'wobbly'.

Please don't do any exercise though until you've gotten the all clear from your six week check up, as tempting as it may be. You need that minimum time for your uterus to shrink back down and your stomach muscles to knit back together, as well as recover from having given birth. You don't want to hurt yourself.

The hair falling out thing is a hard one because you can't stop it but you can do things to not encourage it, if that makes sense? Don't brush it excessively, try to limit dry shampoo use (so hard with a newborn and no time to shower, I know!) and avoid roughly towel drying it.

Don't feel guilty about being sad right now. Being a new mum is hard for so many reasons and it's impossible to stay on cloud 9 all the time. Just know that these feelings won't last forever and there's support out there if you need it. It's ok to not be ok

When you have recovered look up tracy Anderson ab floor mat workout, I had definition in my stomach after two weeks of doing it daily and it on;y takes 5 minutes. For stretch marks get mothers special blend, it totally stinks and is like cooking oil but I gave it to someone whose stomach was destroyed and they all but disappeared using it. For the boy start Pilates Reformer, it has transformed my body and I literally have a body better than most 20 year olds now

Good luck I get it is very unnerving now but believe me in a year you will be back to normal if you put the work in !!

Congratulations!

Don't be so hard on yourself, your body will change again. It will look better and you will feel better. I used to be in shape before pregnancy, but my body felt so strange after birth. I couldn't even bend properly. I had the impression I had something stuck in my vagina. All these strange sensations contribute to us feeling bad. But it all goes back to normal, just believe it and take it day by day!

The breasts stop being swollen after a while too.

I'm back to being myself now, relatively flat stomach again (for a woman of my age and 2 kids), not perfect, but nobody stays perfect forever. Not even men.

You'll love your body again, just give it time!

I heard (and may be untrue) that while you lose hair after childbirth it’s more a case of NOT losing hair during oregnancy. So while it looks horrific in the shower you’re not necessarily ending up with less hair than before.

You’ve probably got the baby blues!

Life slows right down after you give birth. Relax. Lower your expectations and stop racing ahead. Try to live day to day. Enjoy these days. Changes are small and incremental, which is just as well given the huuuuge change that having a new baby is. One day, probably a few weeks or months from now, you’ll wake up one morning and feel like the old you again. Except you’ll have a baby and possibly a slightly different body.

It took 9 months for your body to change while pregnant so it seems reasonable to think that it is going to take more than 9 days to a change back again.
You have a 6 week physical check up after giving birth. Before then - be kind and gentle to yourself. Nurture yourself so you can care for your baby. Once you have been given the OK, you can start to make plans for reclaiming your body...the fourth trimester will be over, you will be mostly healed and you will have a better feel for the rhythms of your time and body.
But in the meantime, please listen to this poem by Hollie McNish about the way our lives and stories are written on our bodies.

it is a massive shock, having your first one. Even the second time it's still a shock really. I think 9 day PP, I was very weepy and a bit traumatised but it didn't turn into full scale PND - worth watching, but the first 6 weeks are such a huge change and so hard. The body is an obvious barometer to latch onto but it did get a lot better 6 weeks on both times.

I do think celebs portray a totally unrealistic lifestyle - I'm sure Pippa M et al have lots of help and get plenty of breaks/rest

I feel like I'm 6 weeks time I'm going to be angry at myself for spending this magical newborn stage being weepy and sad. I should be enjoying it.

Who on earth said you should be enjoying this phase? There maybe moments of deep and intense joy but there is a shedload of shit and most women I know spent a fair proportion of the time feeling tearful and overwhelmed. Remember the lovely bits - but please don't be cross with yourself for being human.

Give it time. Like 9 months, not 9 days. It'll never be exactly the same but it'll recover to a huge degree. Give yourself a break in the meantime. Congrats on your baby 

What you’re feeling now will pass I promise! It’s pretty common and does not make you any less beautiful even though you feel that way now. 9 days is soooo sooo soon.

Try setting yourself dates - I’m gonna see how I feel in 7 days, 14 days...etc. A year from now I bet you’re back to LOVING your body and probably planning baby no 2 completely forgetting you ever felt this way! Xx

After ds1 my body looked wrecked for months but within a year it went back to how it had been. It just took time. However After 2 more dcs (c sections) it’s totally written off! But I have come to accept it.

Give it all time. Things will probably return to how they were before. And try to enjoy the time with your baby- you don’t get that back

It definitely won’t be like this forever, I remember how horrified I was a week pp with my first. Give it six months and see where you are, pregnancy changes things but stretch marks fade and your body goes down. Still lots of contracting down to do and it takes time.

You really won't feel like this forever I promise, I'm only 5 weeks postpartum and although I still have bad days and it's bloody hard work I am definitely starting to feel a lot better and am actually able to enjoy some little things about my baby. Everything takes time xx

OP, everything feels strange at first because pregnancy is a slow process, and this is an overnight change.

Enjoy new baby, drink lots of water to help your skin, and appreciate every little positive change that you notice, however small.

Take a photo now, if you feel brave enough, and another in six weeks, and compare them. It won't be the body you had before, but you should see a difference that proves that how you feel about yourself won't be forever, and you will still be changing xx

Just a hand hold OP, the baby blues are shite. You want to be all in the moment and happy but the bastarding hormones are getting in the way and making you all weepy.

I remember being very very sad that DD was nearly 2 weeks old, she'd never be 2 weeks again it had gone so fast.. she's nearly 9 months now!

Your body has done an amazing thing, it needs time to repair, you may find as I did, actually now feeling better about your body in time. Pre DD I didn't like my tummy, wasn't toned at all. Now, it's still got bit of a jelly tum going on but I don't hide it away in shapeless stuff, DD grew in there and that means it's awesome.

@YouBetterWOooOooOoo did you find the sadness of your baby not being tiny again faded? I worry I'll miss this as I'm so down and not 100% enjoying it.

My post baby body was the biggest shock to me the first time round. Size 10 to 18. Rolls of flesh, horrendous stretch marks that almost looked like they were bleeding, enormous boobs leaking everywhere, constant bleeding. It was horrible. I couldn't ever see how I could reconcile this being a mum with being me again. But I did. It just takes time. I still remember the shock and horror of it all though.

Your body has gone through such a lot and no one ever warns you about this bit. Do nice things for yourself while you recover. You've just made an entire person with your own body. Let it heal.

I thought I'd miss my baby being a teeny tiny weeks old thing and wept so many years over the prospect of her getting any bigger. But, each passing stage held so much more joy as she developed and grew more into her own person that I can't now believe I ever felt that way!! I wouldn't swap the toddling, exploring, smiling, laughing her for her newborn self in a million years! So now I enjoy the present without fearing it slipping away, because this present will be replaced with a new one, which will hold just as much joy and awe.

Physically, I bought a support girdle postpartum because i couldn't bear that floppy empty feeling where my bump used to be. Helped me feel normal, and within a couple of months I looked back to my old self (albeit with cartoonishly large and pert breastfeeding boobs which are now in the process of deflating)

@MammaSchwifty your post just brought me to tears and really offered a lot of hope and comfort. Thank you so much 🙏🏽

Support girdle? Tell me more?

It did fade yes, replaced with looking forward to her first smile/laugh/crawling etc, all the milestones to come. I look back with a tinge of sadness that she's not a tiny baby anymore but I'm not a big weepy mess about it. And then I look forward to more milestones!

I know what you mean about not 100% enjoying it, that's fine. It really is ok. Some women, like my mum were floating on a cloud of happy. But I was tired, all the time, didn't know what I was doing, every new thing had me reaching for dr google etc. And those hormones!! It changes everything! One day at a time and just keep taking care of yourself too, don't be afraid to ask for help if these feelings get worse or aren't going away.

I'm so glad, Charlie

The girdle i bought was this one www.amazon.co.uk/Postpartum-Recovery-Pregnancy-Support-Shapewear/dp/B07D6ZFVZQ/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?ref=plSrch&keywords=support+belts+for+postpartum&dpPl=1&dpID=41dZsZ5gT%2BL&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1541006435&sr=8-4

Not amazing quality but it did the job of holding me in! It's a bit complicated in three pieces, but there are some one piece things available like this

www.amazon.co.uk/HIDARLING-Postpartum-Recovery-Maternity-Recovering/dp/B07GCQL85W/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ref=plSrch&keywords=support+belts+for+postpartum&dpPl=1&dpID=41XWKBuVbIL&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1541006435&sr=8-1

Just do a search for support belt/girdle postpartum

I had NO idea with my first baby how long my body would take to recover even to a basic level of normal. I had a huge belly, massive swollen legs and boobs, bleeding and leaky milk everywhere, for several weeks. I remember I took normal sized clothes to hospital for coming home, thinking my bump would just go down. No one told me!

9 days is a very hard time OP, long enough that you feel you should be getting used to it, but actually it's still all so different and weird and you're a mess of hormones, and exhausted.

I wish I could just enjoy this
I also remember getting cards saying "enjoy these precious early days, they don't last!!!" and I thought "Fuck, it gets WORSE THAN THIS?!" :o . I was crying all the time, I felt and looked awful, I was so tired and emotional. I loved my baby and was actually doing well but I felt like shit. It does get better it does fade, you wake up one day a few months in, realising you feel like a human being. Your body does get back to itself - not exactly the same, but near enough, especially as you are a fit person.

But, do talk to the HV about how you're feeling too, because if you do have PND they can help.

Lovely post Mamma I remember asking my sister whether she wanted time to stand still and keep her babies as babies ( I thought asking anyone else may raise eyebrows). I had just had my DS and couldn’t get my head round the whole future and growing up and keeping him safe.....She reassured me and told me that there is so much to look forward to that you rarely look back.
My baby was 14 this year and I’m still looking forward. It’s like having a perpetual surprise Christmas gift. Every time you unwrap it there’s yet another gift inside. I am currently watching my awkward adolescent slowly growing into a man. Each layer has its challenge but it’s so exciting anticipating the next stage. I don’t tell him that though I have already achieved black belt level in embarrassing mother.

I'm 9 days pp too OP and can relate, my body is a hot mess but it's my 2nd pregnancy and I actually ended up in the best shape of my life on my maternity leave last time with all the walking I did. You can definitely get back to where you were with a little bit of effort and a lot of it will happen effortlessly within the first 6 weeks. I'm avoiding mirrors while undressed for the first 6 weeks and then will tackle what's left with diet and exercise, you will get there! Give yourself a break on the aesthetics for a while, your body has just created life and is capable of the most amazing thing, were not just here to be ornaments 😊