DH disappointed

[jollyjester]

It's DH birthday at the end of this week. He's been off work all week and I had a few days leave so I'm off too.

I booked a surprise night away in a hotel and planned some fun activities to do with the DC as its also half term. Told him about it tonight.

He's now sulking because he cant be bothered going away and apparently "no one asked him what he wanted to do" (not true I did and few weeks ago and he said nothing)

I now feel like shit cause I know he won't properly be enjoying himself but if I never organised anything he would never want to do anything.

AIBU to be pissed off that he's being so ungrateful?

And I would tell him you're fed up with his failure to participate in the family generally, and things must change.

I agree but his birthday isn't the time to do it imo.

If I asked my DH if you wanted to do something for his birthday and he didn't answer, I wouldn't go and book it, I'd ask him again. It's his birthday, and he should do what he fancies with all of you.

Either un book or take someone else. And have a proper discussion about making the effort on other occasions.

Out of interest OP what are these 'fun' activities you organised with the kids? Because those kinds of activities are usually centred around the children so don't really sound like a present to DH to be honest. And a holiday with the kids doesn't sound like a present at all

But what is OP supposed to do in the absence of any feedback from H? And if OP has no childcare then the activities have to include kids.

People book surprise weekends for their partners all the time, it's generally considered a treat, not a controlling thing.

It's considered a treat by people who like being whisked away for a weekend, without knowing where they are going.
However The OP asked her dh what he wanted to do for his birthday and he said he didn't want to do anything. That is the crucial point here. He has been asked. He said he didn't want to go away. OP then books for them to go away, then sulks when the dh reiterates what he said weeks ago, that he didn't want to. What was the point in asking ?

He said he didn't want to do anything OP? Which part did you not understand?
Then you went and booked a surprise jolly with dc to do activities? Is that right?
My fave birthday thing when DC's were young was go for a curry with the family.
Fair enough it wouldn't have been half term but still.
I don't think it will go down well if you leave him alone on his birthday while you and DC's go to a hotel without him to enjoy activities. And I bet you don't either. It's ridiculous advice on here sometimes.

So leave the kids with him and go for a weekend on your own.

Seriously, do it. See how quickly he decides that actually he would like a weekend away after all...fucking sulky twat.

How pathetic. Here’s a gift for your birthday that you don’t like, didn’t ask for and made clear you wanted to do nothing. But because you’ve expressed your opion I’m going to make you want to go away by ruining your birthday further, and giving myself a break.

Have I got that right? You sound odd.

Op you have the entire half term to take her kids out. Why did you arrange to do so for his birthday when he wanted to do nothing and made it clear. Madness.