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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not lend/give SIL anything

60 replies

Leeleeloo · 30/10/2018 21:34

Me and DP are young parents and have a 6 month old DD. We would love our children close in age so will most likely have another soon Grin

SIL age 16 is pregnant and MIL has said SIL would like to have our next2me crib, prep machine, steriliser, clothes if it's a girl, car seat... etc. I laughed it off saying no I'm keeping everything for future DC. She said she wasn't joking and that we are family we should share. But I bought the crib, prep machine, and car seat out of my own pocket (expensive!!) and I've given away all DDs clothes so far except special items which SIL has apparently said its only fair her baby has them if its a girl. DP told Mil no to as SIL has a history of stealing from family and most likely we wouldnt get anything back.

I dont mind saving some clothes from now on but expecting to borrow/be given nearly all our baby things is rude? SIL herself text me too saying she will save up some money and buy everything off me and I feel bad saying no but I'm 21, I want more kids!

OP posts:
SpottingTheZebras · 30/10/2018 21:36

Of course YANBU. Your SIL and MIL are CF.

chillpizza · 30/10/2018 21:39

Yanbu mil is likely in panic mode with a pregnant 16 year old dd.

QueenNovo · 30/10/2018 21:39

Don't lend out anything unless you're happy to never see it again.

Butterymuffin · 30/10/2018 21:42

Just keep repeating 'No, I'm going to need them all for my next baby'.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 30/10/2018 21:42

I’d only hand things over if I was ok with never seeing them again.

Maybe suggest to your DP that he offers to buy her one of the items new as a gift nearer the birth, and get him to tell his DM and sister to lay off you.

Timeforabiscuit · 30/10/2018 21:43

Did they contribute anything to your pushchair, crib etc?if they did offer to go to an nct nearly new sale or similar and put up a similar amount?

We offered to buy a moses basket as a birthday present in a similar situation (no cheeky fuckery there tho!)

bluetrampolines · 30/10/2018 21:43

Yadnbu

ShakeMe · 30/10/2018 21:44

I wouldn't give anything at all, but I'd help her look online for baby bundles- there's tons of baby stuff to be had.

Don't feel pressured into anything yanbu.

Original poster
Leeleeloo · 30/10/2018 21:44

Thanks for your opnions. I asked my friend who said I could atleast lend things but chances are I won't get them back or they will come back broke, or we might need them again during that time. @chillpizza probably, she's not at all ready for a child. She has tantrums and i think thats what prompted MIL to say she could have all our stuff. My sister had a baby at 17 but SIL is just not emotionally mature enough Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Leeleeloo · 30/10/2018 21:46

@Timeforabiscuit No I worked really hard to buy everything out right (to avoid buy now pay later it scares me lol). I'd say me and DP spent the amount equally with no help from Mil. DP himself said he doesnt want to lend her anything not even special dresses as we wont get them back. x

OP posts:
PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 30/10/2018 21:47

Surely your SIL is entitled to the Sure Start grant?

It’s £500- that would cover everything on that list fairly easily?

Unless you have a nice, branded pram and clothes etc, which she has her eye on rather than having to pay out of her own pocket for something similar.

Howhot · 30/10/2018 21:48

I think it's lovely to share things among family but only if you're done with them! They seem very rude. If you're not ready to part with them and plan on using them again I wouldn't let her use them. Yanbu

chillpizza · 30/10/2018 21:48

Oh she has a lot of growing up to do. I has my first at 17 but we didn’t ask anyone for anything we funded it ourselves. Is the dad around? He/his family should be helping get ready for a baby even just some nappies/sleepsuits.

Drogosnextwife · 30/10/2018 21:49

Tell SIL and MIL to fuck off, keep your stuff for your next baby no matter how long you wait to have one. Not up to you to supply your SIL with everything she needs for her baby, tell her if she is going to save up she can buy second hand from someone else, always people selling baby stuff.

Original poster
Leeleeloo · 30/10/2018 21:50

We have a branded pram (I would actually consider selling it to her/MIL but they would offer no where near what we paid for a pram thats in excellent condition) so id rather avoid that. I'll suggest the grant though, didnt think about that. It's just really bugged me MILs tone of voice when she basically said no we are family and we share so Confused

OP posts:
MeteorMedow · 30/10/2018 21:56

Don’t be taken advantage of - and that is what they are trying to do.

I assure you OP were you 5 years older I doubt you’d have any qualms telling them to sod right off! It’s tough being a younger mum as people are always trying to make you feel insecure about the choices you make but you know this is daft and unfair so please stick to your guns!

MeteorMedow · 30/10/2018 21:57

If you are thinking of another it may be time to start trying! That way you have much more reason to say no sorry we’re keeping everything as having our own x

Original poster
Leeleeloo · 30/10/2018 22:00

@MeteorMedow thanks for your message. I was actually going to post another thread asking about how young mothers feel/are treated as i always say to Dp if I was older I wouldnt be constantly overloaded with babysitting requests, unwanted advice etc.

I'd love to have another straight away too so hopefully soon! I love being a mum Flowers

OP posts:
PrincessTwilightStoleMyToddler · 30/10/2018 22:06

You’d still get the unwanted advice (I’m ten years older than you, and have two children, and still get unwanted “advice”) but am very confident in telling people to piss off if I need to. And I would tell MIL and SIL to piss off in this scenario.

BewareOfDragons · 30/10/2018 22:07

Just say no, you're keeping it because you're planning to have more children. She can work hard and save up like you did and buy her own. Repeat as necessary.

HollowTalk · 30/10/2018 22:08

Just keep saying you're trying for another baby NOW.

Jent13c · 30/10/2018 22:10

I wouldn't sell her the pram if she offered. If you lend it to her you still own it and theres an expectation she should return it but if she buys at discount price its hers to keep.
Personally if shes due soon and you are not pregnant then I would think about lending her a couple of short term things (like a moses basket/baby bath/sling/bouncer maybe perfect prep? I have no idea how long you use them for) because that's what we have always dong as a family. Makes no sense to lend her pram and car seat as I'm guessing you are using it with your first and will need it if you have another soon.

AdoraBell · 30/10/2018 22:14

YANBU

As suggested point her in the direction of bundles of baby clothes/paraphernalia online.

Holidayshopping · 30/10/2018 22:15

Keep saying ‘no-it’s not for sale!’ I’d also get your DH to tell her/his mum ‘no’ in person. CF!!

CampariSpritz · 30/10/2018 22:16

Stick to your guns, OP: you have worked hard to provide for your DD (and future DCs) so don’t be guilt tripped into handing everything over as they will be ruined. In particular, keep your nice pram for your next baby. Good luck!

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