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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to be upset- got a towel for my birthday.

81 replies

BirthdayTowel · 30/10/2018 06:04

My p just gave me my birthday present.

  1. A planner/diary thing. The one he gave me last year is still unused. I use google calendars.
  2. A bath towel. ‘You’ve been using mine quite a lot so I thought you might want a new one’. We’ve been moving so I couldn’t find my nice normal one as I had packed it too well and was using an old thin stiff one.

I have bloody Pinterest. Most years he just picks something random from that. I even have a board called things I like - some costing a pound. It’s just the not giving a shit which is hurtful when he knows it’s important to me.

OP posts:
Juells · 30/10/2018 07:22

Rebecca36
I feel for you but some blokes (yes!) have little or no idea about present giving.

When they're trying to persuade a woman into bed they're well able to work out what kind of present she'd like. 🤣

ShatnersBalloonFromPennywise · 30/10/2018 07:24

If he's always been ok with choosing presents in the past, I'd put this down to a blip. Perhaps his thoughts are taken up with the house move. Tell him you think it's a crap present though.

sandgrown · 30/10/2018 07:24

Years ago we were at a party and my friend's young daughter said she had bought her mum a present and it was a towel. She then produced a box with a sanitary towel she had bought in the ladies toilet !

yoyo1234 · 30/10/2018 07:24

I have both given and been given towels as presents and loved them . What are finances like. DH and myself have gone years just with simple cards etc instead of presents at birthdays and Christmases. Gift giving is not always symbolic of the strength of a relationship.

Merryoldgoat · 30/10/2018 07:25

If he’s geberally very selfish why are you busy making a life with him?

butterflysugarbaby · 30/10/2018 07:27

I think a towel for a birthday present is an actual joke. But I have to disagree with the posters saying it's a free for all with towels.

In my family, we have our own. Different colours. Me dark green, him blue, and the kids have orange and purple.

Cannot see an issue having your own towels. We have always had them.

Aibu to be upset- got a towel for my birthday.
Aibu to be upset- got a towel for my birthday.
Aibu to be upset- got a towel for my birthday.
BirthdayTowel · 30/10/2018 07:28

SymphonyofShadows You made me smile with the waterboarding suggestion.

Pp household towels is another mumsnet thing I’ve learned. Here we don’t wash the bath towel every day, so each person has their own. They tend to be colour coded. We don’t share towels apart from when I’m using his ...

OP posts:
AnarchyKitty · 30/10/2018 07:30

Did it have "Don't panic" embroidered on it?

Ragwort · 30/10/2018 07:31

I think present buying even for your DH/DW is a nightmare; I’ve been married 30 years & doubt DH & I have ever bought each other a really ‘successful’ present. I hate anyone choosing clothes, handbags etc for me. I don’t wear jewellery. If I want a book I order it from the library, I don’t listen to music or want a DVD of a Film I’ve already seen Hmm. If I want something for the house I would want to choose it myself. I quite like candles but they have to be the ‘right fragrance (not Pomegranate??). I genuinely like charity goat type gifts but no one ever gives them to me.
The same for my DH, he has a number of hobbies but would need very specific items for them so it is better to choose himself.
We have long agreed not to buy each other gifts but either to choose something together (a picture for example) or tickets to a show or similar.

AnarchyKitty · 30/10/2018 07:33

Did it have "Don't panic" embroidered on it?

Aibu to be upset- got a towel for my birthday.
butterflysugarbaby · 30/10/2018 07:33

@Ragwort

What are charity goat gifts?

Boredisboring · 30/10/2018 07:35

DH has reduced me to tears on several Christmases. His presents leave me wondering how, after so many years, he could understand me so little. I have tried everything from heavy hints to just giving him a list. However, he is lovely in so many other ways that I just have to forgive this glitch.

Most of my friends have the same problem with their DHs and we have a "you'll never guess what I got this time" competition on boxing day.

TransposersArePosers · 30/10/2018 07:36

butterfly Money Saving Expert's guide

charity gifts

mummyinmanchester · 30/10/2018 07:38

I really don't understand this thought process where material things are indications of love.
And people telling OP to leave him Shock I think it's actually very thoughtful and he obviously thought it was something you would like. He got it wrong, but people make mistakes. Certainly not worth ruining your birthday over.
We don't do presents for each other because we are saving for a wedding and a house and DS private diagnosis at the ASD clinic. But my last birthday I got a £10 pamper hamper and some chocolates and flowers, DS bought me a balloon and they surprised me with all my family round for a tea party. I was made up. It's not all about 'something sparkly' as a PP said Hmm did he take you for lunch or give you a day to yourself or anything else to make you feel special because without that backstory we can't really judge his intentions.

Ragwort · 30/10/2018 07:40

butter they are like a ‘virtual’ gift, ie: you give £25 to Oxfam or other charities & you get a card showing a picture of a goat which is given to a family to help the set up a farm. There are lots & lots of different ideas, most Charities offer them now.

Bored - seriously you cry because your DH hasn’t given you the ‘right’ present ? How can you be 100% sure your presents to him are exactly ‘right’? Why don’t you just agree ‘no gifts’?

LoniceraJaponica · 30/10/2018 07:41

We don't share towels either. Once they are out on the towel rail we each use our own, but we don't have our own specific ones in the airing cupboard that no-one else can use. Maybe I haven't explained myself very well.

sheldonstwin · 30/10/2018 07:42

If I were you, OP I would cut out the middle man, ask him for his credit card and explain that you're buying your birthday present from him. Works for me and DH.

ErnestTheBavarian · 30/10/2018 07:43

I got to the end of the tread thinking he had bought you a trowel. And someone said he was having a dig, I thought they were making a hilarious joke.

SOrry.

A towel is a shit present. And when given to you because you had used his, it's also definitely having a go at you.

My dh got into the habit of buying me jewellery every single birthday. I hated feeling ungrateful, but I rarely wear jewellery, and it really came across as thoughtless, even if it was expensive iyswim. I had to sit him down and tell him to stop buying me jewellery, and we had a massive row about it I remember. But I was really offended tbh, because it was so lazy and thoughtless.

I would prefer something that cost one pound that I wold like.

Now I actually prefer not to get anything. I can see your dh, as well as many other people who find it difficult to think of presents, then it ends up being really stressful to desperately try and produce something.

My solution, is agree on no presents or a token consumable, or you give him a specific list to choose from. Now dh and I don't do presents specifically, but if we see something we will buy it, so it's actually more of a surprise to get a random present, and more fun, because we buy something we think the other will like when we see it, without the stress of time pressure. eg my dh last week presented me with a pair of socks, but he had had them personalised with my favourite picture of my dog Grin They are so cool, and make me smile, much better than and necklace or bunch of flowers, and it was a total surprise at the end of a long day in rainy October, so I really treasure that.

I am not, however, expecting anything for Christmas.

Sorry for waffling. but your towel was shit, I can see either he panicked, he's a git or he's just crap at presents. Try to talk and work out a solution you can both live with. And he can and should find other ways to make you feel loved and appreciated.

Giantbanger · 30/10/2018 07:45

I got root canal

£500 quids worth of root canal.

For my actual birthday. And my Christmas. It’s the shittiest birthday present ever.

I’ll swap you op.

ferrier · 30/10/2018 07:46

He have specific towels and they are colour coordinated with the bathroom. So DP would get very short shrift if he tried to buy one as a present. Fortunately he knows this (I think) although he's a pretty shit present buyer generally.

PearsOfWisdom · 30/10/2018 07:47

Why are your u with his if he is very selfish generally ? Are you married, with kids, a SAHP?

PearsOfWisdom · 30/10/2018 07:49

Sorry why are you with him

Likeshyt · 30/10/2018 07:51

The towel is showing that “stop using my shit”.

I feel for you OP I would not be happy at all, it’s not about being a brat or being unappreciative. Its the fact that when I go shopping, for my partner I really do some thought about what he likes/needs/wants/would not expect. Maybe from now on list three things, where he can get them, and let him pick one. Or just tell him. It’s kind of not his fault if he’s just a crap buyer.

BirthdayTowel · 30/10/2018 07:52

It’s just that it is an opportunity to show someone you’ve thought about them and care about them. If it had said ‘don’t panic’ that would have been lovely and thoughtful as I liked the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy.

One year he got me a kind of biscuit I used to like but is now only available in Canada or somewhere. It was only a fiver or so with post and packaging but it was thoughtful and effort had been made.

OP posts:
CherryPavlova · 30/10/2018 07:52

I gave my husband a towel as he kept taking our decent white bath sheets to the beach. In fairness, he had Havaiana’s and a weekend in South Devon too.

I’d be unhappy if I just got a towel.

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