To think my DD's attitude is a bit off...

Really tough situation for you to be in. Your OH shouldn't take things out on you, so something there needs resolving. Your DD needs to set up some system for keeping safe as others have said, she could claim to be contacting a friend and that it was reciprocal.

Having said that, my DD went through a very similar experience three years ago when she was 26 - going to bed with someone she'd met through an onlne dating app. She only told me about it afterwards, and they went back to her shared house, not to a hotel. Apparently it's "normal" to have sex on a second date - I'm old fashioned not to know that! It could all have gone dreadfully wrong, but it didn't - she's been with the young man ever since, he's delightful - quiet, thoughtful and caring. They have bought a house together and seem very happy.

This has really made me think. My mother didn't know what I was up to, nor do I know what my daughter was up to at 22. HOWEVER, this was mostly pre internet dating and TINDR. What I don't like about the internet dating scenario is going to a hotel for sex after one meeting and some texts. At least in Ye Olde Days you mostly knew friends who knew people so the meeting was contextual and you had background.

And there are plenty of friends of mine who've met up with great people online but they have taken their time and met them at recognised places regularly and with friends before taking it further. They were very conscious about sexual and financial predators.

OP I'd just ask your daughter to let you know his name and where she's going. A couple of selfies would be enough if she has geo location on. If he's genuine - and not a cheater or predator - he won't mind.

Ask her to stop you a pin when they arrive?

Honestly I don’t see the problem, and I have no idea why the fact they met online seems to worry so many people. They’ve already met face to face. Loads of people have one night stands with people they’ve had far less contact with after meeting at a bar or party.

The surprise aspect...if the man had bad intentions he could just give her the name of a hotel then making up some story about a change of plans or just drive her somewhere else. If he’s a bad guy then his word would count for nothing anyway, so angsting over that is pointless.

My parents had no idea what I was up to at that age, even her telling you about this hotel is far more than my mum ever knew. It's good she is telling someone even if I do find it strange that it is you - my mum has only ever known I have slept with someone by assuming so if they ended up being bought to meet the folks eventually lol.

Looking back I took some terrible risks but my best friend and I (she was just as bad) did start telling each other where we were and checking in at some point in later to say all was ok.

Not U to ask for the text seeing as you do know though! Definitely none of dads business. Her choice who she tells

When I met my OH, our second date was meeting at a hotel in Liverpool for the night... we'd been speaking for a few weeks, had met up once previously for a 'proper' drinks and dinner date. As he was temporarily living at his mum's and I was in the middle of moving house we got a hotel. I don't think in itself it's that unusual or worrying. Get her to text a location to someone when she gets there - maybe a friend instead of you?

I do think some of the things you've said are a bit odd. That you've had the chat about contraception, that she's a 'risk taker'...she's 22 years old! She's a grown adult who could be married with kids by now, and she doesn't need her mum or her (sexist and quite scary sounding) dad to talk her through it.

Her father seems to be under the impression that she's 12, not 22.

You dont need to tell her dad anything ifvshe wanted her dad to know she would tell him, if he asks she is out with a friend, i know she is still living at home but everybody seems far to involved in her life.

If my 23 year old dd, who still lives at home, stays out for the night I expect her to tell me where she's staying. I don't want intimate details.

I'd do the same if it was me staying out - I'd let her know where I was.

It's about having respect for each other and the fact that we're both worriers .

I found out recently that Facebook messenger has a location sharing thing, you set it going and it works for an hour. So she could set it going when he picks her up and so long as she has data on it will show you where she is for the next hour. She doesn't have to do anything else to make it work.

Wrt her dad - just don't say anything about it. Why would you? It's private.

If you lied to your dh about where she was and then had to go to rescue her, wouldn't that tell him something about his attitude and make him think? "Omg I'm such a bastard that my wfie and child find it easier to lie to me" sort of thing?

No, I guess men like that don't think like that and that'll be why they're men like that.......

@Jux
Yawn

I hope she gets a good night

My DD is 11. This sort of thing scares me. I think I’d put on dark glasses and a blonde wig and follow her ........

Your family sounds scary from your updates OP. Your husband is way out of line judging not only her but your choices in the past?!

Leave the poor woman alone! Yep, she is a woman not a girl!

You said yourself: she doesn't like the invasion into her privacy

So stop it! Or she won't tell you anything at all in future.

Nellie - You have the next 7 years to teach your daughter how to be safe and to looks after herself, how to spot potential dangerous situations.

You can't stalk her from the bushes aged 22! People are married with babies and a mortgage at that age

I've daughters a similar age and think it is highly likely they have had one night stands/casual sex at times - it's not my business and I wouldn't dream of asking.

However, one of them knew the girl in this newspaper report, who was chatting online to a bloke on POF for a couple of weeks, met up and went to a hotel with him. My daughter was very clear that going to hotels you don't know with men you don't know requires some careful thought.
re your daughter it's not the casual sex aspect that rings alarm bells, it's the 'surprise' element.....why, on a second date?

www.watfordobserver.co.uk/news/14534890._Monster__who_murdered_teacher_and_abused_her_body_jailed_for_life/