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To think my DD's attitude is a bit off...

93 replies

definitelymaybe8 · 29/10/2018 15:55

My 22 yo DD has just ended a 3 year relationship a few weeks ago and is back on the swipey app.
She is perfectly honest says she doesn't want a relationship just to date guys...OK fine....she is planning her 2nd date with one and tells me she won't be home for the night as he's booked a hotel. He's sending her messages implying this and she is fine in fact encouraging it.
I am OK with it but am about concerned for her safety as she tells me it's a 'surprise' so she has no idea where she is going. If her Dad knows he will not be best pleased and take it out on he as I will be condoning it but after all she is 22, a grown woman....
Is this the norm or what?

OP posts:

ShartGoblin · 29/10/2018 16:12

She's 22 so unfortunately, if you try to control what she does, she'll just stop telling you.

You're not wrong though, it isn't a safe situation. Could you try and encourage her to get the details and send you a text at a certain time to let you know she's fine? That's what I do with my friends for any late night journeys and I'm 27.


definitelymaybe8 · 29/10/2018 16:13

Agree with you all, I asked about Snapchat she said it only updates when you are on it, might have to tell her to log in now and again so I can see where she is.
Dad is really old fashioned might be worth me actually telling him she's at her friends rather than on this date (unless he picks her up) might save me a lot of explaining and him yes taking it out on me.
When he found out about Tinder I got it in the ear...

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 29/10/2018 16:14

How could she? As I said he doesn't need to approve if he is going to be judgemental ofher then he doesn't need to know a 22 year old having casual sex isn't dirty or whatever her dad thinks


Tighnabruaich · 29/10/2018 16:14

Aged 22 my mother never knew where I was from one weekend to the next, as I lived in my own flat and it would have never entered my head to tell her about my dates etc.
However, she should certainly drop you a text with the name of the hotel once she's checked in.
Is there any need to tell her dad anything about this?


overnightangel · 29/10/2018 16:14

She’s an adult it’s her choice don’t be weird


MrsJayy · 29/10/2018 16:16

My eldest doesn't live at home we have no idea what she does in her social life.


definitelymaybe8 · 29/10/2018 16:16

I agree, she is at home student atm but lives her own life, at that age it goes without saying, I am concerned about the 'surprise' element and just want to ensure her safety of course.
I'm not bothered about the sex side of it, her life.

OP posts:

ShartGoblin · 29/10/2018 16:16

Sorry to ask this but are you sure it's your daughter in the dangerous relationship? Are you ok?


Spiderdemon · 29/10/2018 16:17

i think you need to disentangle two things - one, that she's shagging someone on the second date, (which you're embarrassed about but which is not really your business) and the real concern - which is going to unknown location.
Try and be very blase and matter of fact about the shagging but ask her to put in place a text safety policy.


definitelymaybe8 · 29/10/2018 16:18

Yes, it's definitely my DD. - I should be so lucky lol!

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 29/10/2018 16:18

I had a baby at 22 so these types of threads baffle me.


DaisyDreaming · 29/10/2018 16:19

Has she got an iPhone? You can set it up so you can see her location. I’ve also got mine set that if I ring 999 it will send an emergency text and my gps location to my family. I know that doesn’t help if things go wrong but it’s a start


NarcolepticOuchMouse · 29/10/2018 16:19

Get the app called Life360. Get her to form a group with you and then you'll know where she is. If she can't see the danger in this situation then I think some serious words need to be had about her being a total moron. Has she always been naïve and overly trusting or is this a confidence plea after the break up?


BigChocFrenzy · 29/10/2018 16:20

Sounds bloody risky, tbh

Persuade her to send you a text when she knows where she's going - and to refuse to go until she can do this


definitelymaybe8 · 29/10/2018 16:21

No, not a iphone.
I am sure she'll wassap me when she arrives, well I'll try to convince her to, she doesn't like the invasion into her privacy but I only want to know where she is for her safety seen as she hardly knows the guy.

OP posts:

BigChocFrenzy · 29/10/2018 16:21

Nothing to do with age - it would be risky if she were 42


siakcaci · 29/10/2018 16:21

I asked about Snapchat she said it only updates when you are on it, might have to tell her to log in now and again so I can see where she is.

Or she could just, you know, text you 

22 year old woman arranged to have sex with man. It's hardly unusual.


definitelymaybe8 · 29/10/2018 16:22

I can't stop her going nor would I want to, just want her to be safe

OP posts:

BigChocFrenzy · 29/10/2018 16:22

For someone living away from home, safest to text a good friend before going to some mysterious desination on a 2nd date


Miscible · 29/10/2018 16:22

I'm a bit concerned about your husband taking it out on you for what your daughter does. Ultimately you can't stop her, so how is it your fault? What does he do if he takes it out on you?


Miscible · 29/10/2018 16:23

I think I'd just approach this on the basis of asking her to humour her old mum and just let me know where she is.


definitelymaybe8 · 29/10/2018 16:24

What hes does is rants...."I suppose you agree with this then" to which I'd reply I'd be doing exactly the same at her age, which of course he doesn't like.
Then I get if anything happens I am as much to blame for condoning it.

OP posts:

pointythings · 29/10/2018 16:30

Your DD needs to take some sensible precautions. Your DH needs to join the 21st century. You're a saint for putting up with that patriarchal sexist crap.


MrsJayy · 29/10/2018 16:31

He is over worried about her maybe he can't see her as an actual adult if she was living away he wouldn't be aware of her wherabouts


Echobelly · 29/10/2018 16:32

I think being too jumpy about this is a recipe to put her off being open with you, so I'd say something like 'Look, we don't want to intrude, as you are an adult, but you've only just met this guy, let us know where you'll be going when you know, and hope you have a good time'

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