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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should single women be forced to catch the bouquet at a wedding

83 replies

Mummblebee · 29/10/2018 15:46

I went to a wedding yesterday for a friend I've known a few years. I am a single mother of a very young baby. Wedding was great until it was time for the bride to throw the bouquet. The dj made a big fuss and joke about it almost heckling single women before asking them to go up.. A few women went up and some chose not to. The dj literally walked round to every table and started asking women to see their rings to prove they are not single and trying to make them get involved. Very uncomfortable and awkward. I was sitting with my baby on my lap and the bride shouted out to me and singled me out of everyone to come up and join them. I just said no.

I felt it was unnecessary and insensitive.. Noone else was singled out by name and everyone can clearly see I'm here with a baby.

AIBU to be annoyed by this or was I just a Spoil sport.

OP posts:

flamingofridays · 29/10/2018 15:47

oh Christ no I couldn't think of anything worse!

I think its awful and you don't know everyone's circumstances, and it can be a sore subject that you're not married (it is for me!)

AamdC · 29/10/2018 15:52

Well the DJ sounds like a dick but i expect it was unsusal. behaviour tbh

Sparklingbrook · 29/10/2018 15:54

I have never been to a wedding where the bride threw the bouquet, I didn't think it was a thing.

That sounds v awkward.

Stephisaur · 29/10/2018 15:57

I was ready to comment "well nobody FORCES you to take part" but... wow.

That DJ is an arse!

Bride was also a bit of an arse, but was possibly a bit tipsy and didn't realise that she was being one. That's not an excuse of course, but I'm trying to give her then benefit of the doubt.

I HATE the bouquet toss, it's so cringey!

ShotsFired · 29/10/2018 15:57

Good lord that sounds horrible.

I was once at a wedding where the BnG did that CRINGE thing of him taking off her garter with his teeth.

He chucked it, the crowds parted like the red sea and it just limply lay there looking grim.

Sweetpea55 · 29/10/2018 15:57

Iv always found it horrible the way some people think that its amusing to humiliate and embarrass others

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 29/10/2018 15:59

Of course they shouldn't be forced. DJ was a dick.

HalloweenyMcBooGhoul · 29/10/2018 16:04

This is why I'm glad we just had a music playlist instead of a DJ!

Bakingcreampie · 29/10/2018 16:08

Went to a wedding in the summer which was a similar situation!

Bakingcreampie · 29/10/2018 16:10

Oops posted too soon!

The DJ made the announcement about the bouquet toss and not a single woman wanted to take part! Took about 5 minutes of the DJ pointing at women in the crowd saying you look single for anyone to begrudgingly take part!

Nobody wanted to take park and so all the women who had been badgered into taking part stood there awkwardly as the bouquet came hurtling towards them and it ended up being caught by.. the floor!

DNAwrangler · 29/10/2018 16:12

I went to a wedding where I was expected to do this once. It was wrong on so many levels. I stood there like a robot. I'm not fighting to catch a bouquet, with everyone looking on. It's what it represents that irritates me. Why aren't the single guys clamoring für the bouquet too?!

Original poster

Mummblebee · 29/10/2018 16:14

Im struggling to give her the benefit of the doubt to be honest.

Some people have odd ways of making themselves appear and feel good in front of other people.

This bride insisted all of her bridesmaids scrape back all of their hair away from their faces and wear dresses that weren't the least bit flattering. I am not exaggerating. The guests looked far better than the bridal party. I feel this was intentional too.

Maybe it's just my perception.

OP posts:

NameChangeToAvoidBeingFound · 29/10/2018 16:16

If/when I get married I or my husband will throw the bouquet or possibly a Frisbee for the groomsmen/ushers/male guests because that's something my friends will find funny and be totally up for. My niece got married and didn't throw it because she thinks it tacky and demeaning.

I know that when my female friend gets married her and our other equally weird female friends are planning a surprise single bridesmaids and female guests dance to sad/funny songs medley from TV/movies/musicals and Disney (think it should have been me, single ladies, on my own, sandra dee), because it'll make her laugh. I think they're trying to get the groomsmen and some of the male guests in on it as well. (I'm photographer and another friend will be filming it). It is totally voluntary and a lot of fun for those involved and watching without being based in misogyny. Which the bride and her husband will love.

olderthanyouthink · 29/10/2018 16:22

I'm with NameChange (except I think I wouldn't want to throw my beautiful flowers) I'd take great joy in rounding up my single male friends

NameChangeToAvoidBeingFound · 29/10/2018 16:22

TBH in my family whenever anyone has thrown the bouquet it has been to women and men who are dating but not engaged or married. Because the person to catch it would be the next to get married, and in my family there is no point in throwing it the single people because they're not even close to getting married. In my family its kind of a tongue in cheek joke about getting a move on.

MulticolourMophead · 29/10/2018 16:33

If I get married, the bouquet is getting placed on my mum's grave.

GreenTulips · 29/10/2018 16:39

It's just a not of fun tradition

My mum threw hers to just her daughters - nobody minded.

The youngest caught due to having the sharpest elbows!!

TemptressofWaikiki · 29/10/2018 16:41

I kept my bouquet, it was so gorgeous.

IWantChocolates · 29/10/2018 16:43

I didn't throw my bouquet and I've never been to a wedding where the bride did. And I've never seen a groom do the garter thing (I think it's supposed to be thrown to the single men, so they get a 'thing' to do, too). I've always wondered why people do it; it looks so cringe-y on tv or in films.

I dried my bouquet and turned part of it into three Christmas tree baubles (for me, mum and MIL) and the rest of it into jam jars for the women in my family who did the flowers (sounds crap but there's more of a story behind that than I want to go into!).

No way would I have chucked my bouquet, to get crushed on the floor and eventually taken by one person who then puts it in the bin the next day.

The bride and DJ (particularly the DJ) both sound like idiots. How rude to go round forcing people to participate. Until I was married, I was so sad that I was getting older and not married yet, it would have really upset me.

Well done for taking a stand, OP, and staying with your baby.

Belindabauer · 29/10/2018 16:45

I didn't think this was still a thing.
I didn't do it.
Seems very old fashioned.

sockunicorn · 29/10/2018 16:49

i think the tradition itself is just a tradition and "Bit of fun". I personally do not join in as I dont like being elbowed in the face by ring hungry bridesmaids but think its fun for the young ladies that do choose to (and clearly something the bride wants to do or they wouldnt include it). ive never seen it as offensive. however the DJ and bride were pricks to call you out individually. I wouldnt like that.

RaptorInaHauntedHouse · 29/10/2018 16:49

We didn't do the bouquet toss, because even 20+ years ago god I feel old I thought it was a pile of sexist tosh. Plus I'd paid good money for it so I wasn't about to chuck it at people. I gave it to DH's grandma to take home with her instead.

Greyhound22 · 29/10/2018 16:51

I haven't seen it done for years. I got married last year and we placed the bouquet on my nan's grave the next day.

Yeah not nice. Bit degrading really. Not that there's anything wrong with being single but the whole 'come on ladies you must be desperate to be next' kind of thing.

DollyWilde · 29/10/2018 16:51

I had a very very traditional wedding and this was one of the only things I didn't do from the standard service. I thought it was horribly patronising... plus I wanted to keep my bouquet!

Pinkyyy · 29/10/2018 16:52

In my community the bride never throws the bouquet, but instead it is tradition that she takes it the next day to a loved ones grave who wasn't there to see her get married. I hate the idea of you being singled out like that, how awful!

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