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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should single women be forced to catch the bouquet at a wedding

83 replies

Mummblebee · 29/10/2018 15:46

I went to a wedding yesterday for a friend I've known a few years. I am a single mother of a very young baby. Wedding was great until it was time for the bride to throw the bouquet. The dj made a big fuss and joke about it almost heckling single women before asking them to go up.. A few women went up and some chose not to. The dj literally walked round to every table and started asking women to see their rings to prove they are not single and trying to make them get involved. Very uncomfortable and awkward. I was sitting with my baby on my lap and the bride shouted out to me and singled me out of everyone to come up and join them. I just said no.

I felt it was unnecessary and insensitive.. Noone else was singled out by name and everyone can clearly see I'm here with a baby.

AIBU to be annoyed by this or was I just a Spoil sport.

OP posts:
ProfessionallyUnoffended · 29/10/2018 16:58

Totally agree, OP. Both the DJ and the bride sound awful.

NameChangeToAvoidBeingFound · 29/10/2018 17:00

Grin exactly olderthanyouthink In my experience my single male friends are so much more often up for this type of silliness and fun because they're at less risk once they've been identified as single. I know several women who would feel like walking targets if they were announced as single in public. Especially once alcohol has been consumed.

Original poster
Mummblebee · 29/10/2018 17:03

I don't even want to speak to her.

Our friends from high school were all invited, most of which I hadn't seen or spoken to for years and now everyone knows my situation.

OP posts:
kaitlinktm · 29/10/2018 17:07

I divided my bouquet and put half on each grandmother's grave.

Saw this the other day - maybe that's what single women should do if forced to take part:

tenor.com/view/bouquet-groom-wedding-wedding-day-grooms-men-gif-11999192

OftenHangry · 29/10/2018 17:19

DJ was a dick. No one should be forced to participate.
I threw bouquet on my wedding and it was great fun. The girl who caught it actually did get married year laterGrin But I would never force people to get up and do it if they didn't want to.

EmeraldVillage · 29/10/2018 17:23

Ugh. I think a bouquet toss might possibly be the enjoyable if the bride is the first out of a large peer group to get married and all participants think it fun. But otherwise nope.

Original poster
Mummblebee · 29/10/2018 18:05

Perhaps I'm a little to wrapped up in myself. Even if people were raising eyes brows and gossiping as a result of my friends thoughtlessness I really should give two fu*

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummblebee · 29/10/2018 18:05

Shouldnt*

OP posts:
TurquoiseDress · 29/10/2018 18:14

YANBU!
Definitely not how cringey

I didn't throw my bouquet a my wedding- I wanted to keep it 

thecatsthecats · 29/10/2018 18:22

This is why I hate DJs,and refused MILs insistence that we had to have one. Naff,naff, naff.

Having said that, I have seen worse instigated by the couple themselves. After the first dance, a second dance of just all the couples in the room. Leaving not only singles, but WIDOWS on the bench.

I'm not doing a bouquet toss, but being a competitive ex netball player, I do quite enjoy them... And have pulled off some nice interceptions!

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 29/10/2018 18:23

I've only ever been to one wedding where the bride threw her bouquet. It was a friend's wedding when I was still single and I joined in because I thought it was amusing.

I think bouquet-chucking is a bit dated these days, but not as dated as wankerish DJs attempting to force people to have fun to the accompaniment of shit music. The last few weddings I've attended have all used playlists on a laptop or phone.

PowerhouseOfTheCell · 29/10/2018 18:28

The only time I've seen a bouquet toss was at a wedding when the bride basically just did it for the kids.
Even though I somehow caught it and was then tackled to the ground and nearly concussed by a 15 stone very drunk uncle

MajorArcana · 29/10/2018 18:29

Wow. Cringe!

I was at a wedding once where the bride totally lost the run of herself, and all the single people were put at the same table (not mixed amongst their friends, a nice idea maybe) but there was a toast that hoped that the people at table nine find love too Shock omg. One man muttered ''i did find love but he wasn't invited!''

altiara · 29/10/2018 19:06

Went to one wedding where bride got pissed and tossed her bouquet, my 8 year old DD caught it!! But then had to give it back so bride could throw it again! I think she enjoyed it so much she threw the bridesmaid bouquets as well. But importantly no mums were forced to put down their babies.

SerenDippitty · 29/10/2018 19:23

Got married 28 years ago, bouquet went on my dad’s grave.

Original poster
Mummblebee · 29/10/2018 19:52

MulticolourMophead

That's a nice idea Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummblebee · 29/10/2018 20:14

SerenDippitty
I really like this idea Flowers

OP posts:
TheSageofOnions · 29/10/2018 20:32

This is why IMO you should NEVER have a dj at a wedding reception. I've never known one yet who didn't somehow ruin the atmosphere in some way. Have Flowers .

Original poster
Mummblebee · 29/10/2018 20:35

The dj was annoying. It's my "friend I'm more annoyed with" because she knows exactly what I've been through with my daughters father and she knew the wedding was somewhat of a reunion for old school friends.

I'm struggling to understand why she called me out by name and singled me out of everyone at the wedding reception. I'm the only name that was called.

OP posts:
CherryPavlova · 29/10/2018 20:35

I think throwing the bouquet is a rather fun tradition but it’s usually done as everyone is standing to see couple leave and only people who want to rush forward to catch it.
I’ve never seen it done by coercion.

I think taking it to a loved grandparents grave is rather nice.

EmeraldVillage · 29/10/2018 20:37

OP is your anger because people may now know that you have a baby bit aren’t married? If so unless you come from a very conservative/religious background I can’t imagine anyone has given it a second thought.

Batteriesallgone · 29/10/2018 20:44

I was at a wedding where all the single women were ‘rounded up’ for the bouquet toss. Hideously cringy for all involved. That wasn’t even the worst bit, the worst bit was two bridesmaids cat fighting over the bouquet while their boyfriends both shouted ‘nah I’m never marrying you love’ (nudge nudge oh HOW FUNNY Confused)

In your situation I’d be pissed off with the bride as well.

MrsStrowman · 29/10/2018 20:48

I didn't throw mine, but a drunk friend of mine did steal one of the floral arrangements at the end of the reception, so maybe I should have!

Original poster
Mummblebee · 29/10/2018 21:16

EmeraldVillage

I think the anger is due to the fact that before the wedding I'm sure not many people new I even had a baby as I'm a private person / not on social media etc. Now old acquaintances from high-school who I've not seen or spoken to in years by choice now have fuel for gossip /smug comparisons.

Would have preferred to celebrate the wedding and go our separate ways without my laundry being exposed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummblebee · 29/10/2018 21:18

Especially as most of the girls are now married / no kids yet.

We have no relationship. I went to none of their weddings and they all now know details about my life which is clearly a difficult and touchy situation.

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