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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Young driver

74 replies

Tiscold · 29/10/2018 15:10

Son has just passed his test and today bought his car and paid his insurance from his own money as he has worked very hard for it.

Would we be unreasonable to put limits on him taking passangers for a while and driving while late etc? Or should we just let him drive who he wants and when he wants as we haven't contributed to his car.

We're worried as a young driver that has just passed and hasnt yet drove that picking up mates and driving at night, won't be a good thing to do and he should wait for a hit and just get used to driving first and learn his car kind of thing, while he wants to drive 30 miles tonight with his mates for a meal out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tiscold · 29/10/2018 15:11

Wait for a bit not hit, certainly dont want my sons car hit Grin, would make him obsess over it even more.

OP posts:
aLilNonnyMouse · 29/10/2018 15:12

How old is he?

FittonTower · 29/10/2018 15:14

Not letting him drive in the dark might be tricky this time of year. That restricts him to between 9 and 4 really.
I see why you worry but the only way they get better is with practice and experience, is he usually sensible? I passed my test in my 30s when i already had 2 children, just having to get on with it was the best thing for me. I wasn't an excited teenager though.

Inferiorbeing · 29/10/2018 15:15

When me and my friends got our first cars one had parents who literally limited everything she did (the time she could drive, where she could drive, who she had in the car etc) and still are to this day 3 years later. She now drives absolutely madly and has several minor accidents and speeds all the time because. I on the other hand was given the keys and made such an effort to stay safe to show I could be trusted.
I guess it depends on your son, but if he bought the car himself I would say you're limited on what you can say!
I do think 30 miles is a bit far on his first drive though and he should stay local!

Original poster
Tiscold · 29/10/2018 15:15

He is 17 but will be 18 in january.

He is very sensible, he works a part time job and earns good money in it, enough to pay his car and insurance and all costs etc.

We just think it's a bit daft and dangerous on the day of getting a car and only passing a week ago to drive 30 miles with a bunch of other people in your car. And do it at night as well.

OP posts:
PollardOrPolluck · 29/10/2018 15:17

To be honest if you haven't contributed to it at all I think it would be very unfair to limit him like this. Driving is a practical skill and only learnt by doing. Remind him to be careful, ask him to make sure he texts you when he arrives safe and reassure him that as the driver he has full control in the car and if one of his mates are dicking around and distracting him he can pullover and tell them not to or even kick them out. If he's financed this car entirely himself it will be his baby and he will not want any harm to come to it and will probably be even more careful than a more experienced driver will be.

Original poster
Tiscold · 29/10/2018 15:17

We wont restrict him for long, but just dint want him going such a big distance at night with amtes in the car ln his first drive really. We would say give it a week, go out with us in the car to practise and get used to it etc

OP posts:
overnightangel · 29/10/2018 15:18

You don’t have any say in the matter

overnightangel · 29/10/2018 15:19

If he works, paid for his car and his insurance it’s his decision not yours

SoupDragon · 29/10/2018 15:21

We just think it's a bit daft and dangerous on the day of getting a car and only passing a week ago to drive 30 miles with a bunch of other people in your car. And do it at night as well.

I would agree with this. I'm guessing his mates will all have been drinking too and might be loud and lairy. I would worry about this no mattter the age of the new driver if I'm honest!

However, other than trying to make him see that it not a sensible idea, I don't think you can stop him really.

Original poster
Tiscold · 29/10/2018 15:21

Seems so far im being unreasonable Grin

Our plan was for him to go out with us, practise driving at night, on country roads etc and just have us help him get used to the car etc and become more confident.

And then he drops the bombshell of he wants to go out and drive 30 miles with young mates and at night too Shock

But we dont want to smother him, so if im being unreasonable then so be it Blush

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 29/10/2018 15:22

I wouldn't make him drive with you in the car to get practice though, I think that's a step too far. I would encourage him to take it out by himself as much as possible to get used to the car and driving in all conditions.

Original poster
Tiscold · 29/10/2018 15:23

@soupdragon. Ooh one supporter Grin, i agree, im just a bit worried he will be overwhelmed, new car, loud mates, in the dark, no one to help him and i just dont want anything abd to happen especially with passangers in the car.

But i recognise that i must be unreasonable by these replies, so will express my concern and offer to go round for a wuick wizz with him before he picks his mates.

OP posts:
explodingkitten · 29/10/2018 15:24

He passed his test so they thought that he was a capable driver. The tests these days are much more strict than 20 years ago. It wouldn't be fair to restrict him tbh.

ErickBroch · 29/10/2018 15:25

If my parents had said it to me as a recommendation, as they had been in my shoes and it's a lot at first, just give it a go etc, I would have definitely listened! My younger brother just passed at 16 (different country), my parents did this and he agreed and is going a month without more than one passenger/friend

WitchesWeb · 29/10/2018 15:26

Would we be unreasonable to put limits on him taking passangers for a while and driving while late etc

Whilst I can see where you are coming from, you won't be able to police it anyway.

SmokingGun · 29/10/2018 15:26

I had to drive 120 miles the day after my driving test unexpectedly. It was a baptism of fire but I think it helped me understand just how dangerous it could be and how sensible I had to be.

MrsStrowman · 29/10/2018 15:27

It's his car, he paid for it, and insured it himself (well done him) you really don't get a say. When I first passed I was still at uni and had no need to own a car in term time, I bought my own after I graduated. DF insured me on his car and let me take it out the night I passed my test to a friend's who lives about twenty miles away so a forty mile round trip. Condition was I text him when I got there and when I was leaving to come home, just so he wasn't worrying all night. I was twenty, but to be fair it was his car!

PollardOrPolluck · 29/10/2018 15:27

If it helps I am a few years older than your son and also passed my test when I was 17. The first day I got my car I drove my boyfriend and I to go skating about 20 miles away on dual carriageways and the M25 in january (so dark by 5) in the evening. That is probably the most cautious drive I have ever done. I so wanted to prove myself, that I was capable, I was terrified of damaging my beautiful 'new' (secondhand really) car, and I was nervous but just didn't want to show it. He will be fine. If he holds down a part time job enough to afford a car he is a sensible boy - he doesn't need babying anymore.

Original poster
Tiscold · 29/10/2018 15:28

Ooh @erick. Be my son GrinGrin.

I understand he has passed his test, but the test tested him on can he drive in the dry on a quiet morning with clear roads and a silent man in the car with him.

Not at night with mates, in an unfamilair car, at a fairly long distance for a first drive.

OP posts:
Melamine · 29/10/2018 15:29

I did a pass plus course that took me out on motorways, country roads, at night etc. You/he could look into those? Reduced my insurance too. The only trouble is they was 18 years ago!

Olivo · 29/10/2018 15:30

I think you are wise, OP. When I passed my test, I took a car full of friends for a day out and had a scrape. I wasn't properly concentrating, such was the excitement. It wasn't my car either......

Original poster
Tiscold · 29/10/2018 15:31

Ok, definitley being unreasonable. Blush.

We're very proud of him, he has done well to afford it, and pass his test quite quickly.

I guess im just worried, and dont want him to be panicked and too scared.

OP posts:
SeaToSki · 29/10/2018 15:31

I live in the States and there are loads of restrictions on new young drivers. They can only have family members as passengers for an amount of time, they have curfews for an amount of time and they are banned from using their phones at all in the car for an amount of time. It all varies slightly by state. The statistics show that the chances of being distracted while driving are crazy high for new young drivers with mates in the car with them etc.
I would have a long talk with him about the risks. See if he would like you to 'ban' him, to give him an out with his mates. If he is truly sensible, he will think twice about this trip

CantWaitToRetire · 29/10/2018 15:34

Being the DM of a DD who is a new driver, and another DD who is learning, I totally get where you're coming from. For a new driver in a brand new car, 30 miles is a lot, especially with mates in the car. Unfortunately there's probably not a lot you can do to stop him. @Pollard above gives some good advice and all you can do is pass good advice on to your DS. If he's bought this car himself, and he's paying his own insurance, I can imagine he will be very careful and sensible. I hope his friends will respect the fact he's a probationary driver and in a new car. Can he drive around the area a bit tonight to familiarise himself with the controls and the feel of the car before he sets off with his friends?