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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Young driver

74 replies

Tiscold · 29/10/2018 15:10

Son has just passed his test and today bought his car and paid his insurance from his own money as he has worked very hard for it.

Would we be unreasonable to put limits on him taking passangers for a while and driving while late etc? Or should we just let him drive who he wants and when he wants as we haven't contributed to his car.

We're worried as a young driver that has just passed and hasnt yet drove that picking up mates and driving at night, won't be a good thing to do and he should wait for a hit and just get used to driving first and learn his car kind of thing, while he wants to drive 30 miles tonight with his mates for a meal out.

OP posts:

KatieB55 · 29/10/2018 17:50

The instructor who taught my kids recommended to each of them that they didn’t take passengers for a month after passing their test.

Seniorcitizen1 · 29/10/2018 18:16

When my son passed his test over 10 years ago we placed some limits - he could give lifts to his pals to school, golf etc but he could not go on drive around with them. Only one pal in the car after dark. These limits were to stop him being egged to drive fast and engage in driving that he had been told wasn’t acceptable. He accepted them as did his pals and he has never had an accident

Pfingstrose · 30/10/2018 08:06

Hope he got on ok OP!

ivykaty44 · 30/10/2018 08:09

My daughter got a black box as this lowers the insurance on how they drive, it’s an incentive to drive carefully. Also explain how much fuel you can save by driving carefully and within the limits

DelurkingAJ · 30/10/2018 08:14

We were driven around a lot by slightly older (male) friends at about 16 and I’ve never been out with more careful drivers. My DM had a quiet word with a friend’s DM who was worried and pointed out that DM had passed a year previously and nobody questioned her giving us lifts (she said to me that she knew the lads and they had better reaction times than she did!). If you know them and they’re sensible they won’t undergo a personality transplant just because they’re in your DS’s car.

Iruka · 30/10/2018 08:15

There is a safety code for new drivers which you should make sure he has seen, it gives good advice and also makes sure he knows his responsibilities and possible consequences.
www.gov.uk/guidance/the-highway-code/annex-8-safety-code-for-new-drivers

There were proposals for legal restrictions on new drivers but it doesn’t seem to have happened

MakeItRain · 30/10/2018 08:16

How did it go?

KaosReigns · 30/10/2018 08:22

In NZ we have two on road tests to get a license. Passing the first gets you a restricted license where you can't drive after 10 or carry passengers (no matter how old you are or who paid for your car), you must hold this license for a set time before you can take another test to be fully licensed. It's not about age it's about experience.

Yanbu.

KaosReigns · 30/10/2018 08:24

Wait he can legally drive alone but is going for "practice drives" with his dad. That's scary. How much actual driving experience does he have?

universe00 · 30/10/2018 08:26

@Tiscold let him do what he wants it's his car and his money, passing your test is one of the biggest achievements himself. Let him have so freedom he will only learn from his own mistakes

MrTrebus · 30/10/2018 08:29

YANBU but it also depends what his mates are like and how sensible he is and what types of roads he'll be going on. There are a lot of deaths in rural Ireland very often due to this, usually a car full of drunk mates and driving too fast on dark small country roads. so YANBU to worry buy if he's doing 30 miles on a dual carriageway well lit and he's sensible and his friends aren't going to be stupid then he'll be fine. You need to judge but have an adult conversation with him about it.

MrTrebus · 30/10/2018 08:29

Just seen your update. He sounds sensible so YABU

KaosReigns · 30/10/2018 08:30

Universe mistakes can be very costly on the road, killing someone is one hell of a lesson.

Sorry that sounds very dark, but there are some very blase attitudes to being in sole charge of a tonne of fast paced metal on this thread.

Munchyseeds · 30/10/2018 08:34

Sorry - have not read the whole thread and I hope it went Well for him last night but.....has he not done night driving as part of learning to drive? We took our kids out in as many different conditions and also with all of us in the car so they could get used to how it made the car feel.

MrsJayy · 30/10/2018 08:34

I don't drive but Dh took dh out a few times after they got their cars at night and on the motorway i think doing that with him is sensible and just let him get on with it.

Original poster

Tiscold · 30/10/2018 08:34

@KaosReigns. It is a new car so his dad took him out to check he was ok in it.

It went really well, he drove there and back no issues and had a really nice night. He says all his mates were quiet and respectful and just let him focus, which is great to hear.

He says he did find it strange driving in the dark so has asked me or his dad to come with him tonight for a drive. So he wants my help

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 30/10/2018 08:34

Urgh he took Dds out is what I obviously meant.

Pfingstrose · 30/10/2018 08:35

Fantastic- well done DS!

Original poster

Tiscold · 30/10/2018 08:35

No he didnt go out in the dark before this and strangley all his lessons were in good weather .

OP posts:

fl0baDob · 30/10/2018 08:36

Hello,

My son (17) passed his test about a month ago. He has not got his own car, but my husband has put him on his insurance temporarily, until he gains experience on the road. He is sensible and mature, but he needs experience of driving in the dark and driving at rush hour.

I would have felt very uneasy about letting him drive completely on his own withhout this extra experience.

Original poster

Tiscold · 30/10/2018 08:36

@pfigstrose. I know very proud of hjm for doing well, also proud of his mates as well, little gems

OP posts:

KaosReigns · 30/10/2018 08:37

Ah that makes more sense, sorry. Glad it went well. But I still say ywnbu

KatieB55 · 30/10/2018 08:38

I agree with MrTrebus - we also live in a rural area where teenagers fairly regularly put their cars in a ditch late at night and there have been fatalities. Even teenagers who appear responsible can make an error of judgement.

Original poster

Tiscold · 30/10/2018 08:39

@KaosReigns. Yay someone doesn't think I'm mental woop woop.

But yes, he did great and i realise now that instead of banning and imposing rules i and his dad need to educate him and teach him.

OP posts:

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