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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find my partner irritating?

70 replies

Confusedlady7777 · 29/10/2018 15:01

My oh doesnt live with me yet but spends a lot of time at mine. He helps for example wash up if I cook etc. The other day he helped adjust boiler settings.. I appreciate his help but... he always goes on about things hes done.. for example he cleaned out the woodburner which we both love having on. The glass was sparkling clean. Oh my god though did he keep going on about it all evening! "How beautiful is that fire now!". "That glass is so clear".. about 10 comments I counted. I agreed with first few and i thanked him several times but by the end of the night his trumpet blowing started to irritate me.. particularly as when i put the fire on after cleaning it he perhaps says once "the fire looks great" yet when he does something he has to keep going on about it.

Another example.. if he cleans the kitchen I will say oh wow it looks great thank you.. he will then proceed to give me a full account of what he has done.. "ive cleaned all the surfaces and the chopping board there is clean".. etc..

I guess i wish he'd just gracefully accept my thanks and stop harping on lol!

Also food! I cook a delicious meal and he says.. " its lovely thank you".. i reply "thanks.. im glad you enjoyed it".. end of topic.. whereas He cooks a delicious meal and i say its lovely thank you and he will then say "oh yes its really tasty isnt it.. this and that blends well and mmmm x y z......".. i just find it a bit ungracious? If thats the word.. am i being silly???

Anyone elses man like this?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 29/10/2018 15:02

My oh doesnt live with me yet

Best to keep it that way i think. He sounds very annoying.

Aprilislonggone · 29/10/2018 15:03

"would you like a sticker pet?"

SandcastleSandwich · 29/10/2018 15:04

He does sound a bit, yes.

success1qa · 29/10/2018 15:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sparklingbrook · 29/10/2018 15:08

Ooh there you go OP get the spammy spelldoctor in. Grin

Original poster
Confusedlady7777 · 29/10/2018 15:10

Ha ha! Lovely! Sparkling.. would it be a deal breaker for you??

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 29/10/2018 15:11

I am not sure about a dealbreaker if everything was great in other areas. I would have to find a way to get him to pack it in though.

Havaina · 29/10/2018 15:12

Dr Spellcaster, most exes on MN are abusive arseholes, please don't cast any spells to bring them back!

LongSummerDays · 29/10/2018 15:12

My oh doesnt live with me yet

That sentence works as well without the word "yet". Honestly, if he's winding you up this much before he's even moved in, it won't get better. His little "foibles" will get more and more annoying.

Villanelle123 · 29/10/2018 15:13

I’m a bit like this! Not as bad though. For example if I deep clean a room I’ll just be so amazed by how good it looks I might go on and on a bit. But not in a please praise me way ... I’m just so pleased with it.

thereallochnessmonster · 29/10/2018 15:13

So, next time you do something, do the same.

'Look, I've hoovered today. Look how clean the skirting boards are. Go on, do the white glove test! Look, I even hoovered in the corners, look here' until he twigs.

Sounds very annoying!!

Original poster
Confusedlady7777 · 29/10/2018 15:14

Thanks long summer days. Im not sure if its something I just need to let gloss over me.. no one is perfect..everyone has their annoyinh habits and i know its whether i can live with it not whether others cpuld but im interested to know other peoples views/ if they would just let it gloss over them and not get irritated by it

OP posts:
Escolar · 29/10/2018 15:15

It does sound annoying, but I think you should give him a chance to improve. How about if you say in a semi jokey way "yes DP, I agree it looks great, but you have said that five times now!". Do this a couple of times and see if he gets the picture!

TheViceOfReason · 29/10/2018 15:15

Be blunt!

"Do you want a medal? Look, I appreciate you having done x, y or z - but these are normal things that adults do. You've been banging on about it for 25 minutes now."

Original poster
Confusedlady7777 · 29/10/2018 15:16

Escolar.. thats a good idea. He does love praise and to be appreciated and does have a tendancy to "go on". I have mentioned it to him.. its just who he is and how he is...

OP posts:
Havaina · 29/10/2018 15:17

Ahem, sorry OP.

Your DP's excessive verbosity would make me think that he doesn't do these things regularly enough at home, so when he does do them, he thinks they're great feats.

I'm afraid this doesn't bode well for a future where you live together. You will probably have to nag him to do anything and then when he does do it, it will be the best thing ever!

I think you need to ask him why he does it, his reaction will be telling. Maybe something like 'Calm your horses mister, it's just a spagbol/fire'

HouseOnTheLake · 29/10/2018 15:20

Of course it wouldn't be a dealbreaker! It sounds mildly annoying but it doesn't actually affect you negatively. He just sounds proud of his work, bless him!

LilyRose88 · 29/10/2018 15:21

My ex was just like that. I found it really annoying and never managed to stop him doing it. He was a bit of a narcissist - everything was always about him.

I guess it depends whether there are other things about your oh that make up for his behaviour.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/10/2018 15:21

I think the issue is how much it annoys you. Very small issues are big issues if they cause you to feel contempt for your partner.

I once dated a really nice man who had a terrible sense of humour. It made me feel utterly contemptuous about him. NOT his fault but contempt kills love (and makes you not feel very attracted to them, which is another problem). If you find it cute, keep him. If you feel contempt, think twice about moving in.

gamerchick · 29/10/2018 15:22

Packet of stickers would be handy for this I think.

IdahoCrow · 29/10/2018 15:22

I do so little deep-cleany-style housework that I do tend to go on a bit about it when it happens, but it's more like good natured banter with OH / DS who take the piss out of me a lot.

Your case sound more like (adult) DSD's boyfriend who does it, I personally think, because he's a bit insecure and wants praise in someone else's house. I can't think of any other reason why I need to know about how many toppings he put on DSD's burger 'for her', and how he washed the plates after, and wiped down a worktop.

OhTheRoses · 29/10/2018 15:26

I'm sorry op but I have a vision now of what he must be like after good sex.

At least he's doing jobs though rather than remarking they need to be done!

Agree with others, don't live with him.

NameChangeToAvoidBeingFound · 29/10/2018 15:27

TBH some of friends do this, its more that they're pleased with themselves and want validation for it Grin. It's immature and childish and all types of unnecessary but I put it down to either being praised too much by their parents or not enough. When I've done something even if it's small I'm inclined to say ta'da and then my bf or friends say well done and then we move on. For me acknowledgement is enough for others they need none, for some they need it all.

Original poster
Confusedlady7777 · 29/10/2018 15:29

Lol the vice! I will try that approach!

OP posts:
Havaina · 29/10/2018 15:31

Very small issues are big issues if they cause you to feel contempt for your partner.

As Mr Bennett said in P&P:

'I know that you could be neither happy nor respectable, unless you truly esteemed your husband; ... My child, let me not have the grief of seeing you unable to respect your partner in life."

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