AIBU to leave DS at home

[Weddingdilemnas]

DBiL is getting married next year. Wedding is 150 miles from where we live and is a mostly evening event – ceremony at 5pm followed by evening do with a BBQ served at 7.30pm.

DH and I have a DS who will be 2.5 at the time of the wedding. We discussed it and decided against taking him as he’s unlikely to sit still through the ceremony and unlikely to last past 7pm (maybe 8pm at a push). He’s also not a good napper out and about (way too nosy) so convincing him to fall asleep in a buggy at bedtime is out of the question. Plan was to leave him at our home with my parents whilst DH and I enjoyed a night away.

However, DMiL has now stepped in and bought DS an outfit. Apparently he has to be there and will be a page boy. I have serious reservations about the likelihood of him walking down the aisle without me towards his uncle who has met maybe 3-4 times so feel as though this shouldn’t really change our decision. However, DH is now wavering as he doesn’t want to upset his DM and I feel like I need to make sure we’ve considered every option now before making a decision.

So what would you do?

1. Go along with DMiL’s wishes, take him to the wedding and accept I’m likely to sit outside the ceremony with him then have to take him back to a hotel at 7pm missing food and the evening do to sit in a dark hotel room

2. Pay for a cottage (which we can’t really afford) so my parents can come with us and stay nearby to pick DS up once he starts getting tired

3. Leave DS at home with my parents so we can go to the wedding and enjoy it

It's not up to MIL, it's up to you.

I'd leave him home personally, unless maybe he can nap during the day beforehand?

I would do 3. It won't be enjoyable for you or him by the sounds of things. It sounds like it's DMiL who is set on him being a pageboy - maybe speak directly to DBiL and explain the situation.

If your DMiL is that set on it, then maybe she can be responsible for him and leave the event early to go and sit in a hotel room on her own.

I’d go with no.3 and stay firm.

Don’t cave in. 3.

I am normally one for including the kids and my son was a little delight at such occasions at that stage.....however travelling all that distance would be another story! Ask DMIL if she will be helping to care for DS once he is tired and cranky??!!

Definitely no.3

I'd message the bride and groom and ask how set they are on DS being in the wedding, because you are worried about him being bored/tired/distracting but MIL thinks it is important. I bet they'd rather you didn't bring him!

Stick to your guns. He is your child, and it's your choice.

Definitely 3

3, no question. Unless your MIL is going to look after him all day??

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Suggest to mil he shares her hotel room and would have to be her responsibility from 7pm.
Watch her backtrack her plan.

Another vote for 3.

Go and enjoy the wedding!

ask the bride & groom what they want and if they say they would prefer he wasn't there so you can have a night off then screw the MIL & leave him at home - to be honest my 6 yo would struggle with all that and she is able to stay up late now but when she was that age there would be no way I would have got her past 8pm without a total meltdown and me ending up having a vile time

Definitely option 3. If your DH is still wavering, tell him he will be the one taking him outside/back to the hotel to mind him when he gets tired or plays up. See how keen he is then .

3

MIL will get over it. Besides if the bride had really wanted him as a page boy she'd have asked you herself. That and traditionally the children/ bridesmaids should all be from her family anyway.

Tell MIL that she'll need to leave at 7 to take care of DS if she wants him there.

Tell your mil to pay the extra for the cottage. Might be nice to see your son all dressed up. Or just do 3 if you’d rather, it’s your choice ultimately.

I will most likely sound like an entitled cow, but take him with you. If the b&g want him there, they will need to realise 2.5 year olds don't do still and quiet. IMO quiet is enough and they may have to deal with him not being still.

I'd ask the bride whether she can cope with normal child noise in the church.

Of course you will need to leave when he gets too tired and that means both of you. No hiding in a hotel room for one and not the other.

Mine has enjoyed the weddings we have been to, it's a shame we haven't been able to stay long after first dances but I'd rather that than be split up or leave my baby.

But, op. It is your choice at the end of the day. I know how draining family pressure is.

3 or it’s going to be a stressful day.

What @LordPickle said

Else, 3

3

On a side note by 2.5 he probably won’t be napping but is a very long journey for him, especially if he is newly toilet trained!

3 or tell DH that as you don't want DS there as it's not in DS, yours or the other wedding guests best interests, but he wants him there, then it will be him who will look after him