AIBU to leave DS at home

[Weddingdilemnas]

DBiL is getting married next year. Wedding is 150 miles from where we live and is a mostly evening event – ceremony at 5pm followed by evening do with a BBQ served at 7.30pm.

DH and I have a DS who will be 2.5 at the time of the wedding. We discussed it and decided against taking him as he’s unlikely to sit still through the ceremony and unlikely to last past 7pm (maybe 8pm at a push). He’s also not a good napper out and about (way too nosy) so convincing him to fall asleep in a buggy at bedtime is out of the question. Plan was to leave him at our home with my parents whilst DH and I enjoyed a night away.

However, DMiL has now stepped in and bought DS an outfit. Apparently he has to be there and will be a page boy. I have serious reservations about the likelihood of him walking down the aisle without me towards his uncle who has met maybe 3-4 times so feel as though this shouldn’t really change our decision. However, DH is now wavering as he doesn’t want to upset his DM and I feel like I need to make sure we’ve considered every option now before making a decision.

So what would you do?

1. Go along with DMiL’s wishes, take him to the wedding and accept I’m likely to sit outside the ceremony with him then have to take him back to a hotel at 7pm missing food and the evening do to sit in a dark hotel room

2. Pay for a cottage (which we can’t really afford) so my parents can come with us and stay nearby to pick DS up once he starts getting tired

3. Leave DS at home with my parents so we can go to the wedding and enjoy it

Three for me, I'd be worried I was being manipulated into providing a stealth page boy. I also think it son like your son wouldn't have fun and could be potentially disruptive.

I would probably do 1 if it was me and especially as it's a family wedding.
I'd take him along (as we have done with our 3 dc at many weddings).
I wouldn't take home back at 7 though - I'd let him stay up as long as he could manage and go home after that (Probably at 10/11 or even later!!)

Dd went to a wedding at this age but she was with a bunch of kids her age, it was for the evening not the day and she was a good napper.

This sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen tbh. Your dh isn’t going to be on hand to look after your ds. If you take him you know you’re going to have a shit time. Plus the travel. Poor sleeper in unfamiliar surroundings. Doesn’t appeal to me at all.

For me it’s a choice between pissing you and your child off or upsetting your mil.

Oh and dd stayed at the wedding TIL maybe 10.30. If your ds does manage to sleep in the car on the way there he will probably be able to stay up.

Another vote for 3.
Stand firm, Give mil all the reasons you've put here then practise the broken record technique.
People sometimes want littlies because they look sweet in the photos, the reality doesn't match up though.

Have the B & G asked you if DS can be a page boy?

If not - 3

If they have - then the cottage idea ....was that 2?

Oh I'd definitely do 3. I regret taking our kids to the last family wedding (we could have left them with my parents, with whom they are very familiar). I mean nothing terrible happened, but neither of us felt able to relax at all, the kids got moany, it was a long way to travel etc etc.

However if MIL is insistent then I'd definitely be saying "ok but he's your responsibility" and stick to it

Without a doubt, 3.

NEVER TAKE A TWO YEAR OLD TO A WEDDING.

Sorry to shout

Bloody hell, since when is your mil in charge of your child or the wedding arrangements?? Tell her you’ve already decided as you have!

Talk to the bride and groom, since when is anyone’s mother allowed to choose bridal party?!! When you talk to bride and groom say mil said ... but if you wanted him as page boy I’m sure you’d have asked!! Besides at 5pm he will have started being tired and we can’t tell him anything then. Bil can then tell his mum it’s not on.

3 without a doubt.

Definitely 3!

THREE.

MIL wants him for a photo op, you won't see her for dust after that.

I had a similar situation and just refused, after speaking to the B and G. They wanted a child free wedding and were being bullied by MIL ...

Feel no guilt!

I took my 8 and 9 year olds to a wedding a few weeks ago. Took loads to keep them.entertained but still ended up sitting outside in the bar area with my very well behaved 8 year old. He was don't bored to tears and so I missed the speeches. By the time the first dance came on he was so tired I ended up taking him up to the hotel room and putting him to bed so missed all the evening entertainment. I swore to myself that, even if they were invited, I would not take them to another wedding. They don't enjoy it for long and I ended up missing out.

Seriously, if you want to go to a wedding that you miss half the dinner, the speeches and have to disappear off my 8pm then take your 2 year old but, if you want to let your hair down and enjoy the occasion, leave him with your parents.

It's not MIL's decision to make and you will guarantee that, even if other people say they will look after him, if he's tired and grumpy then realistically he's only going to want you

I took my dtds aged 2.5 to my friend's wedding (plus dd 1 aged 5 as her best friend was the bride's dd). I took the double buggy which dd1 and a random other dc at the wedding napped in. The two 2.5 year olds changed into their onesies at about 10pm (as I stupidly thought they'd sleep). They danced until we left at midnight.

It depends on the dynamic of the wedding. This was chilled, quite a few dc and the loveliest bride and groom ever wanting to be surrounded by happiness.

At 3yo dtds were bridesmaids twice too. My dc seem to get invited to every wedding. Clearly my friends and family aren't mnetters.

Could you get a local babysitter to sit outside the hotel room after you put your son to bed? Hotels will often have a list of trusted babysitters they can arrange for you.