AIBU to leave DS at home

[Weddingdilemnas]

DBiL is getting married next year. Wedding is 150 miles from where we live and is a mostly evening event – ceremony at 5pm followed by evening do with a BBQ served at 7.30pm.

DH and I have a DS who will be 2.5 at the time of the wedding. We discussed it and decided against taking him as he’s unlikely to sit still through the ceremony and unlikely to last past 7pm (maybe 8pm at a push). He’s also not a good napper out and about (way too nosy) so convincing him to fall asleep in a buggy at bedtime is out of the question. Plan was to leave him at our home with my parents whilst DH and I enjoyed a night away.

However, DMiL has now stepped in and bought DS an outfit. Apparently he has to be there and will be a page boy. I have serious reservations about the likelihood of him walking down the aisle without me towards his uncle who has met maybe 3-4 times so feel as though this shouldn’t really change our decision. However, DH is now wavering as he doesn’t want to upset his DM and I feel like I need to make sure we’ve considered every option now before making a decision.

So what would you do?

1. Go along with DMiL’s wishes, take him to the wedding and accept I’m likely to sit outside the ceremony with him then have to take him back to a hotel at 7pm missing food and the evening do to sit in a dark hotel room

2. Pay for a cottage (which we can’t really afford) so my parents can come with us and stay nearby to pick DS up once he starts getting tired

3. Leave DS at home with my parents so we can go to the wedding and enjoy it

3 without a doubt.

DH also won't be able to drink as he'll have DS to sort out too

Seriously leave him at home.Our ds was a similar age when we got married 3 years ago and tbh I wish we'd have waited it was fairly stressful.If we are invited to weddings we always go alone now and treat it as a chance to have grown up time.We will take him when he's older though.

Stick to your guns...it will end up being you who deals with any whinging and back in the hotel at 7pm, your DH will not want to miss his own brother’s wedding. Leave him at home and enjoy a lovely child free night away!

DD has been to a lot of weddings at around that age. The upside has been that it's meant she can meet a good range of family members all on one day - our family is pretty scattered. At one sibling's wedding she (unexpectedly) saw two of my grandparents for the last time - they appreciated seeing her, though I don't think she was bothered.

But do feel free to ask your MIL if she'll look after your DS when he's had enough - her response will tell you just how much she wants your DS there. We've had to bail early at lots of weddings, though have always made the meal.

Shouldn't you have been asked by the bride and groom if your son could be in the wedding?

It's up to you, not your MIL, so option 3.

@Jackshouse

Eeeek hadn't even thought of the potential potty training issue!!

Probably should have mentioned that DH is best man so he is not going to be around to help much and can't really leave early with me. He absolutely would if he could and is a very hands dad but just not practical on this particular day

Number 3 without a doubt.

3!

Mil can stop taking decisions that aren’t hers to make, cheeky!

In light of your update then l most definitely would not take DS.

@Jackshouse is right! It’s not the napping you will have to worry about, the potty training might be in full swing (plus dare I say it ....... the terrible twos!)
Ask the bride and groom to be if you want to think about it - it’s not up to MIL.

I’d do 3 unless there are going to be other kids that he’ll be able to run around with at the reception and then he can crash in his pram. DD was 18 months at the last wedding and stayed awake until 10pm running around with similar aged children. We changed her into pj’s at bedtime and let her do as she wanted until we decided to go to bed ourselves.

I should add though that DH or my Dad pretty much followed her around all night unless she was sat still for a bit. But she was fine during the ceremony and meal, they did cater for the kids and gave them little toys/colouring pencils.

This does not sound like it would be fun for you or your DS if you took him. 3!!

I'd ask if Mil is prepared to pay for accommodation and if she was take your parents up to collect him after people have seen him.
Otherwise 3 all day long.
I'd also check with the actual bride and groom because realistically you have no idea how he react on the day. He could be an absolutely little angel or be more like my dd who sat in the middle of the aisle, refused to move then pulled her hair garland and pose apart! 
I had warned the bride and groom and the kids did go at around 8pm and it was all fine.
We now have lots of photos of angelic looking dd having the mother of all tantrums that will be kept for future embarrassment! 

Three, DN was my flower girl at 2.5 she would only walk with another adult bridesmaid , which was fine at the last minute she also decided she didn't want to wear shoes, again fine we got married in a clifftop gazebo in Mexico so she actually looked quite sweet barefoot. She's usually quite well behaved and very confident, and clearly it was a bit overwhelming for her. A friend's page boy got half way down the aisle panicked and ran back out! You know your son and if he would be up for this, if not leave him at home and enjoy some time away with DH.

Smile and nod. Day off wedding explosive nappies. Oops. Wee one cant go!

Are you sure that the bride and groom even want him as a page boy - they havent actually asked you themselves. It might be MIL getting overly excited and pushing her agenda. I would

1. Ask bridge and groom what they actually want
2. Tell bride and groom he is likely to need the potty as he is halfway down the aisle and come running back to you, or cry or chat loudly or ask embarrassing questions in a loud voice (all age appropriate behaviour) in the middle of the ceremony and/or speeches
3. Suggest to bride and groom that you would like to enjoy their special day properly as an adult day away from DS and you have your parents lined up to look after/spoil him, so that is the best option.
4. Agree with bride and groom that it will be better all round is DS stays home
5. Tell DH what is happening

I'd go for 3 OP, it's you and your DH's choice, no-one else's.

Let OH go alone and stay home with DS.

A perfect excuse to get out of the whole thing.

DMil is being silly. Taking your ds to a wedding ceremony, dressing him in stupid clothes, expecting him to walk down an aisle and then to stay up late is just perfectly designed to ruin the evening of multiple people. Having him go but not ruining his and several adults' day by dressing him up and expecting him to act like a performing monkey, maybe, but just cruel to make him a page boy at only 2.5. Particularly given the lateness of the event. Besides, what the hell has it got to do with your "d"mil? Is this what your dbil wants??? Whose wedding is it, after all? Certainly not mil's!

Is she being competitive, because there will be other page boys and little bridesmaids from the bride to be's family?

I seem to be the opposite to everyone but I would take him! I'm not really a party person, definitely introverted so I love having an excuse to escape and just be with my boy. The weddings we have been to so far my little boy has been amazing. I took the pram and the last wedding he kept going until the dinner when he crashed for 3 hours. I know a lot of people hate it and I would 100% go with what the bride wants but I love kids at weddings