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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone really depressed about Christmas already?

100 replies

AlpineButterfly · 29/10/2018 09:57

Very sorry for posting this!!!!

Massive change in circumstances this year means that we can hardly feed ourselves let alone do Christmas. First year with two kids. We have a plan to wrap something for the boys from the.lofy - one of my childhood toys. They'll be nearly one and nearly two so it's fine. They won't know any better but we've already cancelled hosting to save money and have told others we aren't doing presents. We are also not doing gifts for eachother.

It's just depressing though. I've never had high expectations and we only spent about £30 on our eldest last year but we.arent even doing that this year.

Not a begging thread. Just a whinge

OP posts:
sossages · 29/10/2018 10:44

My local paper runs a gift collection every year to distribute to local kids who otherwise wouldn't get anything. I think the rotary club here does something too. Might be worth a look to see if there's anything similar where you are?

overagain · 29/10/2018 10:45

I don't think we're worthy of a food bank. We're clothed and warm and still have credit available to us

Food bank before debt. Please! Otherwise you won't et out of debt.

Loads of people use food banks, honestly. Your GP surgery can refer you, or your health visitor. Or if you really can't face turning up elsewhere to ask, go straight to the food bank, they'll understand.

DreamingOf · 29/10/2018 10:45

Second stepchange we are on a plan with them and they are so helpful

Original poster
AlpineButterfly · 29/10/2018 10:46

Him studying is literally our only way out of this mess. We can't rely on benefits forever and he'll be on a minimum wage job forever

OP posts:
Haggisfish · 29/10/2018 10:46

He could study part time long distance and work as well.

Thomasinaa · 29/10/2018 10:46

Can you buy a second hand DVD player from a charity shop? You can get them for £5. DVDs for £1.

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 29/10/2018 10:49

This is definitely a time to focus on you and DH and eating as well as a family you can.

Your children seriously have no expectation of Christmas and will love the lights and decorations which they can see for free. They will also have no recollection of this Christmas at all.

If your DH's studying is going to genuinely result in a more stable future then I think you are both doing really well with putting up with this short term hardship and have your priorities right.

MakeMineALarge1 · 29/10/2018 10:50

What is he studying OP? Will it definately lead to a full time job at the end? Is there no way he can fit some work in around his studies, or you work in an evening, bar work for example?

ineedabagformyhippo · 29/10/2018 10:50

I guess it depends how much you associate Christmas with money. We didn't really so gifts when DC were really little. Youngest is nearly 3 and his main present was £11.

Start investigating free christmassy things to do in your area and plan a simple but cosy Christmas. Lots of time together, games, lovely walks, craft, seeing friends etc

Original poster
AlpineButterfly · 29/10/2018 10:52

He'll definitely be working part time. Him being home will also allow me to pick up extra hours and I'm slightly better paid than he is.

He's a grafter but we're both up at 5am with the boys so he can go.to work at 6. Then he gets home at 4.30. I go to work. He puts the boys to bed and then studies and I get home late and tidy and crash out. I go t9 bed before he does. He studies till about 11. Then at weekends he's at uni. We're exhausted

OP posts:
Glossymare · 29/10/2018 10:52

Do you have a DVD player op?

PositivelyPERF · 29/10/2018 10:52

Don’t assume you’re not entitled to help from the food bank, OP. We have a food bank run by the local Catholic Church and they accept all, as they’re aware that some working people are struggling. A lot of people donate stuff for children, such as chocolate calendars, small gifts, etc. They also run a toy bank. You don’t have to follow the religion to be a user.

Try contacting your local places of worship, including those not of your faith. Good luck OP, I hope things improve for you.

ilovesooty · 29/10/2018 10:52

You really do need to advise of your change in circumstances. You'd be in an even worse position if you had to repay any overpayment.

Beechview · 29/10/2018 10:52

Definitely get a referral for a food bank.
Do you go to any playgroups or a member of a library? They often do Xmas crafts and events.

Glossymare · 29/10/2018 10:54

Where about a do you live roughly?

Losingthechubrub · 29/10/2018 10:55

Check out your local children's centre - they will have activities for toddlers etc and some get donations of toys etc from the public in the run up to Christmas so they might be able to help. You don't need much when your children are so tiny though

Original poster
AlpineButterfly · 29/10/2018 10:57

I don't really want to say where I live as I'm not.looking.for charity. We're not.on our arse end. I have money for the bills for next month.

I'll notify the tax credits today but I'm so scared

OP posts:
paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 29/10/2018 10:57

That does sound exhausting OP. Whinge away.

Glossymare · 29/10/2018 10:59

I know, you’re just venting.
It’s just I’m having a pre Xmas clear out of my sons rooms. There’s some lovely bits in great condition (plus xmassy DVD’s) that I’d have happily bunged your way x

Glossymare · 29/10/2018 11:00

AND I MAKE A DAMN GOOD XMAS PUD Grin

IdahoCrow · 29/10/2018 11:03

It's the worry that's exhausting, I find. It can grind you down if you don't take steps to mitigate it. I have to give myself a bloody good talking to, sometimes.

But Universal Credit IS shit for people, no two ways.

alligatorsmile · 29/10/2018 11:05

Aye, I think you're entitled to a bit of a moan. it sounds pretty shitty, even though you know it's not forever. The best things in life really are free though - better to laugh over silly tickles and cuddles with your onesies on in a chilly room than cry in a mansion on your own, say I.

IdahoCrow · 29/10/2018 11:05

I've got Xmassy DVDs too I'm happy to pass on - but my PM function is buggered at the moment :(

Original poster
AlpineButterfly · 29/10/2018 11:05

Glossymare, you're so kind. I'd really love it if you could pass the bits on to someone more in need than us.

I'm just on hold now to HMRC. One year old throwing his lunch everywhere and 9 month old playing with the dustpan

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 29/10/2018 11:06

Right, I'm going to be more blunt now.

OP are you pregnant? On October 20 you said you had had a positive pregnancy test and you admitted to weren't using birth control and that this wasn't planned although you and your DH did want three kids close together. Having unprotected sex when you are struggling financially is NOT sensible.

On another thread, you say your DH is going to be studying for FIVE YEARS. I repeat my earlier comment but make it more strongly. You cannot afford for your husband to be studying for the next five years in the position you are now in, pregnant or not.

You have several threads where you clearly are finding it very difficult to cope with your two existing children and a stressed husband.

Sorry, but Christmas is the LEAST of your worries.