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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should NRP pay maintenance if their child goes to uni

119 replies

timelord92 · 29/10/2018 08:49

Just a general discussion about university and maintenance.

Is it fair that it stops when the child is 18 and goes to university? To a lot of people they are still children and still learning.

However, to the government they are adults now and therefore are old enough to support themselves, even tho how much loan they receive is determined by what the parents earn.

What are your thoughts?

OP posts:

GloomyMonday · 30/10/2018 22:37

CM via CMS due until end of A levels or equivalent, usually when CB stops.

Should NRP pay maintenance if their child goes to uni

Mummyundecided · 30/10/2018 22:37

Mummy, I'm sorry I don't understand your points.
That’s patently clear. There’s no reasoning with you.

sollyfromsurrey · 30/10/2018 22:39

It's always people who didn't go to uni who think students piss around for 3 years partying. Anyone who has been to uni knows the reality.

sollyfromsurrey · 30/10/2018 22:43

It's always people who didn't go to uni who think students piss around for 3 years partying. Anyone who has been to uni knows the reality.

GloomyMonday · 30/10/2018 23:02

"There’s no reasoning with you."

What's to reason with? It's not my opinion, it's fact. If you don't like it, start a petition or something. And if you want to debate make your points less garbled.

GloomyMonday · 30/10/2018 23:07

"Why should they suffer because you think the NRP (by your definition, usually the man) should downside to pay for one child to attend uni."

If he agreed to terms as part of the consent order he should comply. If his circumstances have changed he can apply to court or cms.

I don't think the NRP should downsize, or needs to downsize to pay cm. Of course not. In trying to justify cm being paid to the RP I said the RP still bears many costs associated with being the RP. For example, food and utilities during holidays, maintenance of the family home and the child's bedroom, with no possibility of downsizing whilst the child is still returning home in holidays.

GloomyMonday · 30/10/2018 23:09

I wonder if op is going to come back...

nokidshere · 31/10/2018 00:25

At 18 you’re more than capable of supporting yourself. Student loan is enough to live on and it’s beneficial to have a part time job*

Student loan enough to live on? I don't think so. My son gets 1600 a term for housing and living costs. Except that his rent in halls is 2400 a term for a room that's barely bigger than my downstairs cloakroom and that's before any other costs. Even with a part time job I'll be topping up

PoesyCherish · 31/10/2018 06:45

*Hell no! Why should the NRP be subsidising the RP?

I so loathe this 'brand' of NRP (or step parent as is usually this case) Adds nothing to the conversation and shows your cards way too early.*

Are you just purposefully ignoring the rest of my post where I said the NRP should support their DC just not the ex?

1. If he agreed to terms as part of the consent order he should comply. If his circumstances have changed he can apply to court or cms.

But sometimes it's not really agreed, but rather forced on an NRP. There's no reasoning with some people during divorce so the only reasonable option is to go to CMS after a year. If it's so awful for NRP to not pay RP when their adult DC chooses to go to university, surely the CMS would agree with you.

GloomyMonday · 31/10/2018 07:11

"But sometimes it's not really agreed, but rather forced on an NRP. There's no reasoning with some people during divorce."

Well if it's agreed as part of the divorce settlement there will have been some negotiation. RP may have accepted a smaller share of assets as NRP has agreed to pay CM to end of full time education, for example. So a bit shitty to agree, sign, take it to court and then later claim you were forced into it. How forced? They presumably have their own solicitor advising them. RP can't go back and say they were 'forced' to accept 45% of assets and ask for a bit more. It's different if circumstances change of course.

GloomyMonday · 31/10/2018 07:17

" If it's so awful for NRP to not pay RP when their adult DC chooses to go to university, surely the CMS would agree with you."

CMS set out minimum requirements.

PoesyCherish · 31/10/2018 07:23

CMS set out minimum requirements.

Yes they do. Surely the point was to make parents pay who weren't already paying? So wouldn't it be a good idea to include university in that? Why cut off at 20.

Fair enough on your other point. Most parents do have a change in circumstances at some point - other DC, new job, house etc. So I don't think it's reasonable to rely on something that was court ordered for 10/15 years down the line when you know it can be changed at the drop of a hat.

OllyBJolly · 31/10/2018 09:09

I'm flabbergasted so many parents don't appear to want what's best for their children, and that includes supporting their higher and further education. I am so grateful I so rarely come across such NRPs in real life.

Although as this thread makes clear, it's not the NRP that generally has the issues. it's their subsequent partner.

PoesyCherish · 31/10/2018 09:48

I'm flabbergasted so many parents don't appear to want what's best for their children, and that includes supporting their higher and further education.

And yet the vast majority of posters have said they would support their DC through higher education but that support would be direct.

OllyBJolly · 31/10/2018 11:07

And yet the vast majority of posters have said they would support their DC through higher education but that support would be direct

Nope - the vast majority have not said that. A quick count reveals that the posters who believe in parental support is about the same as those who don't.

And this will inform the decisions of potential future doctors, nurses, lawyers, policymakers who are making their choices about whether to pursue education or not.

PoesyCherish · 31/10/2018 12:20

Nope - the vast majority have not said that. A quick count reveals that the posters who believe in parental support is about the same as those who don't.

Are we reading a different thread? Lots of people have said they'd pay money direct to their DC - that is supporting them, is it not? Or in your view does it only count if they also subsidise their ex?

And this will inform the decisions of potential future doctors, nurses, lawyers, policymakers who are making their choices about whether to pursue education or not

On a side note, considering the amount of finance is purely based on the RP's income, from a government perspective it is the RP who should be supporting any shortfall from the loans. So realistically whether the NRP contributes or not is a bit of a mute point because the DC should still be able to afford uni based on their loans and RP contribution. If the government felt both parents should contribute (and I'm not for one second suggesting they shouldn't if they can) the loan amounts would be based on both parents income.

theredjellybean · 31/10/2018 12:23

ollybjolly.. I think you'll find the thread actually has majority of posters saying they won't or wouldn't pay a previously RP continued cm for an adult son or daughter. That is not the same as not supporting that adult offspring.

IStandWithPosie · 31/10/2018 12:29

No, imo, maintenance should stop. Instead a contribution should be made to the adult child to support them through their studies.

So then maintenance continues!

Batmanthedude · 31/10/2018 12:31

I think the nrp should pay directly to the child at uni not the rp people saying that rp has to keep a room etc. So do nrp, our sc have rooms here with there things in, they staff with us regularly and stay for holidays etc.

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