Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should NRP pay maintenance if their child goes to uni

119 replies

timelord92 · 29/10/2018 08:49

Just a general discussion about university and maintenance.

Is it fair that it stops when the child is 18 and goes to university? To a lot of people they are still children and still learning.

However, to the government they are adults now and therefore are old enough to support themselves, even tho how much loan they receive is determined by what the parents earn.

What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
agnurse · 30/10/2018 02:17

In my area maintenance is paid until a child turns 22 OR they are no longer attending school full-time, whichever comes first. (Note that this only applies if they are still living with parents. If they're on their own at uni or have otherwise moved out no maintenance is required.)

Thisreallyisafarce · 30/10/2018 06:56

I think it is a disgrace that student finance is assessed on the basis of parental income. That removes independence from the adult (because you are an adult at 18) and places them in a position of reliance on the parents until they are at least 21.

In my view, however, given that the law does limit what a student can borrow based on parental income, both the resident and NRP should be assessed, and maintenance payable if then RP is covering uni costs.

GloomyMonday · 30/10/2018 13:10

"I think it is a disgrace that student finance is assessed on the basis of parental income. That removes independence from the adult."

It is a blunt tool but one that offers financial support on a sliding scale. It allows those without parental support to borrow the maximum loan, making full time study a possibility. I suppose we could offer the maximum amount to everyone, even those with millionaire parents, but I expect the cost would be unmanageable and many would find it unfair.

"both the resident and NRP should be assessed,"

The income of the household in which they reside is taken into account. Again a blunt tool, but one which recognised that NRP may not have any sort of relationship with the student, may have a new family etc.

Giantbanger · 30/10/2018 13:11

No, not maintenance to the resident parent, but they should continue to support their child.

GloomyMonday · 30/10/2018 14:08

I can't understand why some pp think that cm should stop being paid to nrp when child goes to uni.

So when they're 17, studying A levels, living at home full time, the NRP rightly contributes to the cost of their home.

But when they're 18, off to university, still living at home almost 50% of the year, the NRP shouldn't have to contribute to the cost of their home?

The RP can't downsize to a smaller property because their child still needs their room, they have to feed their child and provide utilities when they're home, yet they can't charge their child 'keep' because they're not in full time employment.

The NRP has no such costs, could move to a one-bed flat if they wanted to economise, do as they please really.

50/50 between RP and child seems fair to me, thank goodness law is kinder to RP (usually mothers) than some of you lot would be.

LittleLionMansMummy · 30/10/2018 15:50

Not in a formalised way, no.

Dh agreed to continue to support dsd post-18 but to do so directly with her. She didn't go to uni, but he continued to pay her an allowance until she got a paid job and we've also paid half her driving lessons.

I know it's very different for students these days, but even living with both my parents I was expected to earn and budget as an adult at university with no financial support from them (they couldn't afford it). But what they've always done is help in any way they can, whenever they can - while encouraging me to stand on my own two feet. Isn't that what parenting is all about, whether you're resident or not?

GloomyMonday · 30/10/2018 16:03

"Dh agreed to continue to support dsd post-18 but to do so directly with her"

I agree it's different if they're not in full time education.

"I know it's very different for students these days."

It really is. In our case the maintenance loan covers accommodation, the part time job covers incidentals (books, social life, toiletries, clothes, phone, travel) and I contribute a sum that pays for his food costs. It would be a grim existence indeed without parental support. I don't know why anyone would want that for their child, unless there was no choice.

Upslidedown · 30/10/2018 16:25

I really hope DH's ex isn't harbouring any illusions she'll get any money once my stepkids turn 18. We'll pay until they finish their A Levels (early birthdays so rather twatty not to see out the academic year) but after that the plan is we hardly see or deal with her again. It's not acrimonious and we wish her well but other than graduations, wedding etc that's it.

We have plans in place to support the kids through uni but that'll be directly dealt with via the kids. They'll have bedrooms here as long as they want/need them so the holiday element doesn't see relevant.

PoesyCherish · 30/10/2018 16:44

I can't understand why some pp think that cm should stop being paid to nrp when child goes to uni.

I suppose it depends if you give specific things (such as their rent or bills whilst at uni) or if you pay x amount per month. Personally I'd rather help with specific things but also pay an allowance based on maintenance loans, cost of living at the time etc. If DSD chooses to live with DP's ex during the university hols then that's her choice. She'd be welcome at ours and we wouldn't expect a contribution from his ex but if she stayed with his ex, I think it should be a conversation between her and her Mum (ie your Dad gives you £x pcm, when you're staying with me please can you give me x amount as a contribution to the household).

ErickBroch · 30/10/2018 16:48

I lived at Uni, not home, so my dad didn't pay child support any longer but paid me money directly to help me with living costs.

Mummyundecided · 30/10/2018 16:55

My DH is stopped paying his ex wife CM for his eldest as soon as they left school - he continued giving the money directly to his eldest throughout their undergraduate degree. He also set up a modest trust fund for all of his children so that will help them too. He won’t give the money to his ex wife longer than he is required to as he knows the children won’t see a penny of it.

brighteyeowl17 · 30/10/2018 17:16

It is odd, given that it is based on parental earnings, but isn’t it based on the parent they live with?

GloomyMonday · 30/10/2018 17:23

To anyone saying that their dp didn't pay any cm to his ex once the dc finished school - post 18 support (if any) would have been decided as part of the financial settlement prior to divorce. It is really very common. If your partner's ex didn't establish it at that stage, or if it was an informal arrangement, or if your support for the child means that the ex doesn't have to contribute anything, then there's no expectation to continue paying beyond 18 I'm sure.

Ariela · 30/10/2018 17:32

I think it depends on too many factors:
location: some areas are a lot cheaper than eg London
living in halls vs own accomodation vs living at home
availability of part time work
how much the student choses to spend on 'going out/socialising/transport/running a car'

Daughter pays everything from her part time jobs including some food other than living at home costs, so actually is very cheap compared to some of my friends children (they seem to have huge budgets subsidised for living costs other than accomodation, plus socialising and food)

HerRoyalNotness · 30/10/2018 17:45

agnurse what are are you in that it goes to 22?

When it ends at 20 or leaving full time Ed, it means end of college not further uni study. I’d be unimpressed it was set at 22 tbh! People have to support themselves at some point! RPs are also aware maintenance comes to an end and have time to prepare for this by increasing their earnings themselves. We will be helping to support DHs DD at uni but will not carry on with maintenance. No clue what her mother’s plans are as that’s none of our business

thesnailandthewhale · 30/10/2018 18:15

How about when child does an apprenticeship? My child is planning on an apprenticeship at 16, this means he is registered as being in employment rather than in education (earning all of £3.50 an hour).

Therefore my child benefit stops so the ex will no longer have to pay maintenance either. Crazy - I will be significantly worse off a month financially yet ds won't earn anywhere enough to even consider moving out even if he wanted to.

Returnfromdublin · 30/10/2018 18:56

My ExH stopped paying CM once eldest DS A Levels were over. I’ve since worked two jobs to help support him through uni whilst maintaining family home and supporting two younger siblings.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/10/2018 19:03

GloomyMonday so if the "child" comes home at 21/22 and stays til they're 30 does the NRP keep paying?

At 18 they're adults. Whichever parent chooses to contribute to Uni costs is CHOOSING to do so. The child is choosing to go to Uni not get a job. The resident parent can choose to move house whilst child is at uni or expect child to contribute to bills over the summer holiday.

Jimdandy · 30/10/2018 19:12

It’s a tough one as I know people I was at uni with, who got nothing from their parents (who were still together) so it seems a bit unfair that just because you’re separated from the other parent you’re forced to pay but it’s free will for everyone who is still together. I went in 2003 where the “expected parental contribution” was means tested and capped at around £1,100. My parents paid mine, but lots of my friends parent didn’t and the government. Couldn’t/wouldn’t force them.

Redken24 · 30/10/2018 19:15

I'm pretty sure my own dad stopped paying when I left school at 16. He didn't pay again when I went back to higher education at 18 and again at 21.

Ynci · 30/10/2018 19:18

Depends what the court order says. If it includes tertiary education, which is the standard phrasing, then yes the NRP pays but would be good to agree it goes to the child I would think.

user139328237 · 30/10/2018 19:27

They should probably contribute to the child at uni (although they have no obligation to do so) but to suggest that women should receive money to pay for adults that aren't even living with them is ludicrous.

FrogFairy · 30/10/2018 19:28

I am a NRP in a low paying job. I won’t have huge amounts of spare money but I willl help my DS all I can and will be sure to tell him to let me know when funds are low so that I can put money in his account.

Cherries101 · 30/10/2018 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

reallyanotherone · 30/10/2018 19:42

We are a low income family. Sds has just gone to uni.

We can’t afford anything other than a token contribution. We have a fairly large debt and no savings as that is the only way we could pay maintenance for the last 15 years.

However, we offered to use our address as sds’ home address. That way he would have qualified for significant financial assistance. This was not acceptable to dh’s ex who has a very good household income, so there is a fairly big shortfall.

Uni students are expected to self fund generally. Or how do children who have only one parent (death, uninvolved nrp etc) ever survive? It must be doable or only young adults with two parents contributing will be able to go...

Swipe left for the next trending thread