Have to give a colleague a warning today

[turquoiseysparkles]

I have to give a colleague a warning today relating to her conduct.

She’s been away for a week and I didn’t want to ruin her holiday.

I hate doing this - what’s the kindest way, do you think? I want her to be inspired to do better in future, not angry or resentful.

Bring her in to you and say what you’ve said here - that there are issues but you’re giving her the warning to give her a chance to fix it and have a better future with the company. Be gentle but firm if that’s what you want to do, just don’t shout at her. You sound lovely but don’t let her push you around.

That is what I’m worried about under - she is very, ah, assertive, which is why I need to speak to her! On the other hand I know sometimes very seemingly confident people aren’t.

Could you tease out her mistake from her? So ask her gentle questions and then explain that her conduct hasn't been the best and she needs to improve.

Is it a one off incident or something that has built over time?

There’s a one off incident that definitely crossed a line which I’m going to tell her (nicely, I hope) was unacceptable but I’m hopefully going to use it as a springboard for other smaller things that in themselves aren’t important enough to have a chat about but have built up considerably.

The thing is she will know her conduct hasn’t been good enough. Most people will be angry because they are embarrassed. Don’t worry if she is a bit off, she is responsible for the situation not you.

Don’t apologise for having to discipline her either, just be straightforward about it. Muddying the waters with apologies is not helpful in the long run. Clearly you won’t be raising your voice or anything like that so it should be fine. Try not to worry. It’s a horrible situation to be in on both sides. Hopefully your chat will be effective and that will be the end of it.

I think a one off is easier to deal with because it won't be something she's consistently doing wrong (even thought parts of her clearly are!).

I'd have your works policy on warnings to refer to. So you can clearly explain if challenged by her.

Ah! Posted before I saw your other replies. So if she is a bit ‘assertive’ you may need to be even more straightforward (not rude or anything!) - don’t be woolly about what the problems have been, sometimes rather ‘assertive’ colleagues can be a bit thick skinned about what the actual problem is (ie not them)!

Stop being so ‘nice’. Just be fair and professional. This is your job.

Stick to the incident. If you start on all the minor shit I think it weakens your position. Does it matter? That should guide how you act. I personally think you may weaken your position too much and start to sound petty, but only you know this.

Be really clear. Dancing around the issue does no one any favours. So plan what you will say, and make sure it’s not ambiguous eg You did x, this contravenes y policy, the consequence of this is z (presumably this conversation?).

Then listen. It may take a while for her to calm down. But you should aim not to leave the room without a plan for the future which will avoid this situation happening again, or at least an interim plan for this week and meet again to discuss next week.

If she's 'assertive' that's what you need to be. Don't talk around the subject and dither it won't have the effect you want. Be polite but firm and get straight to the point.
Silence can be your friend too - ask her if she feels her behaviour in that situation was acceptable then hold your nerve and wait for her to answer.

The minor stuff does matter to be honest.

She is young and thinks she knows everything. I suppose we’ve all been there

I'd say get any paperwork needed ready then call her in. Be really professional and don't allow her assertiveness or excuses get in your way. Yo be a job to do and you not doing it correctly impinges on others. Big deep breath and tell her the major problems and why they're a problem then tell her the more minor stuff and say why it is, or could become a problem. Use the whole meeting to get everything out, don't save stuff for later, just get it said. Then write up some notes, get her to read and sign them and date them too then put on her file (of this is what your company does anyway!)

Check the policies st work if you haven't already about they type of conduct on her part and your way of dealing with it just to ensure you cover your own back

I'd definitely mention the minor stuff but make it explicit what the warning is for. Perhaps deal with that first then have a conversation about the minor stuff. Perhaps "xx now you've had your formal warning we need to talk about some of your more minor behaviour in the workplace that isn't professional /acceptable...."

The holiday shouldn’t have anything to do with it.

Stick to the facts. Get everything written down so you have something to follow.

And remember. It’s her job. She’s paid to do this. She’s not doing you a favour. I presume if they’re serious enough to be giving her a warning it needs to be said.

Be pleasant, professional and firm. Follow your work policy to the letter. Make sure she understands exactly what she has done, what the company expectations are, what she needs to do to improve and agree an action plan with dates and include your next meeting date too.

Follow all this up in writing and make sure a copy is added to her personnel files.

Do not leave any 'wriggle' room. I agree these meetings are not easy or pleasant, but they are part of a manager's job.

Sit down with her, ask her how she feels things are going, see if she has insight into the situation herself. It might be that she is well aware that things aren't going well and is open for the conversation. If it turns out that she isn´t, then you have to tell her. Be firm and clear about it, keep emotions out.

Start by telling her what she’s doing well. Then with warmth kindness tell her her mistake. Then smaller issues. Explain we all make mistakes and learn through resolving them. Then together make some action points about how to move forward. Being forward thinking and having faith she can achieve goals will help. Be constructive. Agree to meet again in a fortnight to talk profess through and establish how you both feel things are going.

You have to be the one in charge of the meeting and have a cool, professional air. If she tries to bring up other things and steer the blame onto someone else, you need to bring her back to the point of the meeting. It is best to deal clearly just in the facts. Dates, times, witnesses, how she came across, what exactly she did that went over the line and then outline a plan for what she can do to improve.

It is also vital that you reiterate her good points and skills and why you value her as an employee. When you have to deliver something as serious as a warning, it is important that the employee still feels valued and that you do want her to work there as do her colleagues and, if she can work on the issues outlined, you hope this will be a one off blip.

She will very likely be angry but she might just collapse into tears. It is difficult to tell. Hopefully she will reflect on what has happened and improve her behaviour.

Good luck.

At least you didn’t do what my old boss did...tell us the day before our holiday that he needed to have a chat with us when we get back, that always made for a relaxing vacation
Biggest advice, don’t be smug or sanctimonious. Just say what you know and tell her the facts. And then don’t talk to anyone else about it afterwards, unless they need to know.

MAke sure it’s done away from her colleagues

Why are you worried a ot being nice?

Be professional, straight to the point, clear. Stick to the facts, give evidence and set expectations.

Write it up and get her to sign it.

Yes she might be defensive or busy in to tears

I think she will argue to be honest ... we’ll see.

Truth is I don’t like her much but I don’t want that to cloud the issue. I want to be fair even if I can’t be nice!