Have to give a colleague a warning today

[turquoiseysparkles]

I have to give a colleague a warning today relating to her conduct.

She’s been away for a week and I didn’t want to ruin her holiday.

I hate doing this - what’s the kindest way, do you think? I want her to be inspired to do better in future, not angry or resentful.

How did it go @turquoiseysparkles?

FWIW I've been in this situation with people a couple of times and it's really tough. Ironically those who often most need difficult feedback are those who tend to react the worst to receiving it. Just for me personally I've found that in the past I've tried to be kind and gentle in delivering the message and it hasn't helped - I've found they can use this as an opening to argue the point and try to turn it round on you.

I have recently been in this situation and it went horribly wrong and it was very upsetting for me.

I had to call a person in to have an informal meeting about their attitude towards me i.e. disrespectful, rude, abrupt, ignoring me, shouting at me in meetings etc.

I basically managed to say why I called her in and ask what there was we could do to try and rectify it and what problems she had with me before she went ballistic accusing me of character assassinating her, standing up shouting at me and waving her finger going 'its all about you, you, you isn't it you haven't asked me how I feel' I could barely get a word in. This went on for another 5 minutes with me trying to speak until I was getting the distinct impression I was led down a path where she could put a grievous in about me.

I then stopped the meeting and told her I was unwilling to carry on unless I had a witness present. Its been awful and she has still ignored me at work. My boss has said he will mediate but but won't put it to formal meeting. She's declined the couple of dates I have asked her to come in. She's spoke to another team leader who put her right on a few things and she has decided she wants to sweep it under the carpet now and just have a chat with me i.e. not have it written down in a formal way. I'm refusing and I'm pissed off that she has yet again been allowed to get away with such shitty behaviour and it be just an informal meeting with my boss mediating.

I'd be very careful and ask for someone from HR to be there or at least on conference call to protect your arse.