To get obsessed so easily?

[Ansumpasty]

This is more of an ‘am I being abnormal’ rather than unreasonable. Just seeing if anyone can relate!

All my life I’ve felt things very strongly and get easily obsessed with things. If I liked a boy in school, he’d be all I thought about, etc. I loved the circus as a child and would go all the time and sob when it left and dream of running away and joining them, etc.
As an adult, I find myself getting obsessed with things/people/places more than others do. I will watch a series on Netflix and become obsessed with it, often watching everything my favourite character is in, researching things about it and feeling really upset when it’s finished or a character dies. I’ve had the death of a character upset me so much that it’s literally ruined my evening and been on my mind for days.

I’ve read books set in specific places/countries and then have to read others set in the same place, research the country and plan on visiting, etc.

There’s a place I go on holiday to quite regularly that I feel this strongly about. I feel upset to the point of tears when we have to leave, bring silly things like rocks I find there home and watch any programme etc about it.
I’m ‘normal’ in every other way, with a happy marriage and children and nice friends. Just wondering if anyone else feels this strongly about silly things and has these adult obsessions?
What do you get attached to?

@Ansumpasty snap, I also have the place on my weather app as well, forgot about that. I also look at how different the sunrise and sunsets are compared to where I live. I have too many pictures, photos and paintings of the place in my house. I see 3 in the living room right now. Said village is on the east coast of Scotland :-)

Just thinking about your thread makes me happy I'm not the only oddball in town!

OP and others, can you choose your obsessions or does it feel like they choose you? Can you decide to become obsessed about something super useful to be obsessed about?

I am like this. It's something I really love because it means I feel passionately interested in certain things and have a lot of knowledge about certain things. But it gets intrusive at times too, usually when I'm not coping with life.

I have a lot of sensory issues too but I don't believe I'm autistic.

I don't agree.

I know loads of people who do this. Not all autistic.

People get obsessed/not quite obsessed but heavily into all sorts of things:
a band:
Oasis of Coldplay or whoever. Go to loads of their concerts.
A series like .... friends/sex in the city/Doctor who...
An actor: Tom Hardy or whomever.

A film, and watch it again and again.

I didn't think that this was that extraordinary, or that unusual?

I've liked all sorts, mostly wierd stuff:

Tolstoy
Green Day - the band.
The 3 musketeers and Tom Burke.
GoT
50 shades films.

Watching repeatedly, searching on internet, watching videos about them and reviews about the film/person/you tube clips.

Every time I go on holiday to Prague/Budapest/Berlin, anywhere, I read every single link/review, everything I can get hold of, all restaurant reviews, mn threads, everything and then decide which 2 restaurants to eat in, for example.

Isn't that normal? 

I'd say I'm quite an obsessive person. It's an asset for me as it's made me very goal orientated, when I've decided I want something that's it, I picture it and I make it happen. I'm quite black and white in that sense and struggle to relate to people who are less driven by something (if that's the term, I don't mean it in a derogatory sense) My children are not like it at all and I find it so strange (and hard to buy for lol)

@PersonaNonGarter my obsessions definitely choose me, I can just casually come across something or it can be something (eg a musician) I've already been aware of and it's like something just clicks in me!

I wish I could have become obsessed with my uni work or the gym!

can you choose your obsessions or does it feel like they choose you?

Mine choose me. However, becoming obsessed with an Italian musician can lead to learning about Italy, its history, learning the language, etc, all to understand and feel "closer" to the musician so it can certainly have some use regarding general knowledge.

Oblomov18, allow me to try to explain the difference:

I like Sex and the City and can't miss an episode. I even know trivia about some scenes and actors. I went on the S&TC bus tour in NYC and had dinner at a restaurant from the series. In my opinion, this is a healthy like or interest.

Obsessions are all-consuming. It's all you can think about/do when you're not forced to concentrate on something else. An obsession with S&TC might look like this:

Every evening I watch re-runs of the series and research the actors, producers and locations as well as looking at photos and reading about their spouses and spouses' jobs. I know everything about Ohio because one of the actors was born there and I'm planning a trip there next year. I will of course visit the actor's old neighbourhood. I know everything there is to know about Judaism because another actor is Jewish and have learnt traditional Hebrew songs that I play on repeat. I've even considered converting myself. I recently found out that one of the Egyptian scarves worn by a character is only one of 5 made and I have researched the factory that makes it and spent 3 weeks trying to find a way to buy one. This has also involved learning some Arabic and I am currently researching language schools so I can improve.

The above is made up but you get the idea.

HouseOnTheLake,
I didn't mean to be dismissive of the difference between obsession and ...... not sure what to call it when it's just below obsession.

Obsession can be healthy.
And also it's a very thin line before it becomes unhealthy and a real issue.

I didn't mean to be patronising.

I am diagnosed ADHD and you could be describing me. Not so much with obsession with shows but certain topics for sure, checking hashtags, rightmove, weather, mumsnet(!)

I should have included that the imaginary obsession leaves me feeling sad and empty because I will never get close to the people on the show or be part of their life.

That's a big difference for me; it doesn't really bring joy but leaves me feeling sad that all the researching in the world won't make me 's DW!

Don't worry, Oblomov18, I didn't feel you were patronising at all. I just wanted to explain what I felt was the difference.

I'm exactly the same and I have asd (not diagnosed but dd1 is and she's just like me!)

You are definitely not alone - sounds like me!

House I completely identify with what you've said about feeling sad and empty. It's a longing for something you know you can never have...it's a horrible unfulfilled yearning feeling.

I'm like this. I have very strong emotional attachments to things, people, places etc. I also think about the past a lot and feel very emotional and nostalgic about past events. Although it doesn't make life easy I wouldn't want to be any other way. I feel things very deeply and can't imagine feeling LESS deeply about things.

@n0ne I've had a shit weekend and that made me cry with laughter in recollection!! (Is that thread in classics?!).

OP - yes same here. I find it HUGELY detrimental to my life because I waste SO . MUCH. TIME focusing on whatever (whoever) the obsession is. I hate being like it. I also have an impulse control disorder (but like OCD) and fairly major anxiety. If you ever find a solution or a strategy please tell me.

I don't think it's THAT unusual. Loads of people are very obsessed with bands/actors/celebrities.

Following their every move, concerts, buying their dresses, everything they recommend.

If it makes you sad/depressed, spending more money than you have, your Dh/mum says this is getting out of control, then presumably it has crossed a line?

Maybe you need help and support at that stage?

But surely it's where it becomes a problem? the mental health side of things, once it gets to that stage, could just as easily NOT be an obsession with actor/film, but a similar mental health issue. an addiction to ad's, pills, alcohol, any other type of issue, that becomes a problem.

Do you see what I mean? Or have I not explained it very well?

Yep another one!

Same. Also autistic.

Yes I get obsessed by hobbies/songs/films/TV shows/books and research everything about them for weeks, but it's often quite short lived. Which is good in a way, but means I'm not very good at sticking to things e.g. I abandon long TV shows and hobbies.

I obsessively research places I'm holidaying to down to food, local history etc. too, but I don't think I obsess to a level which is unnatural, especially when they are fleeting obsessions anyway most of the time.

Oh god I am the same! Currently obsessed with a TV show that has had many previous seasons and am obsessed with watching old episodes. I've had many obsessions over the years!

@Oblomov18

It’s hard to explain. It’s not just interest in something in the way that you can be a fan of a band, it’s a longing to feel closer (like pp said) and this melancholy sadness when you can’t.
Pretty outing for me as family and friends still joke about it, but I had this holiday romance when I was a young teenager and never got to say bye to him or get his details to speak again, etc. He told me where he was from, which then led me to researching his city when I got home, watching films set there and my mum even took me on a day trip on the National Express so I could see what it was like. I kid you not, I filled a bottle with air there so I could take a bottle home with me

When I get obsessed with a series now, its not all positive enjoyment. I feel connected in a way that I feel this hollow sadness when it’s finished that’s hard to shake off. That of course leads to watching other things the actors are in, just to feel a little closer to them.
What’s odd is that I’m never feel like this in ‘real life’ with friends etc. Infact, even meeting the actors in real life would probably lead to bitter dissapointment. It’s the idea of being part of whatever setting and storyline that becomes the day dream.

I definitely can’t choose what I become obsessed with. Would be pretty handy if I could!

I don’t have any ASD traits besides this so I don’t think it’s that. It’s not always a positive thing, though. My husband can watch a series or read a book, sometimes even twice, loves his football team and has his hobbies, etc. It’s the emotional connection that he doesn’t have. When something he loves finishes, he can just say ‘it’s amazing that’ and move on. He doesn’t then follow the actor and the actors wife on Instagram and feel really down and empty, etc. He doesn’t have this empty sadness when he finishes the book and doesn’t wonder what the character is now doing and wonder what said character might do in regards to trivial life decisions, etc. It doesn’t feel like the loss of a friend to him. He has countries he likes to visit but he doesn’t look at live webcams from the place or check out if the houses on rightmove are by a good school that has a place for the kids and carry a stone in his coat pocket from that place to feel closer to it.

I do wonder now if it’s a coping mechanism and a distraction technique, as well as filling a kind of void. My husband works away most of the time, which I struggle with, and perhaps these obsessions I get are an output for me. I do also suffer from anxiety, usually health anxiety, so looking at hashtags is healthier that researching symptoms.

Good to hear that others feel similar!