To expect people to use the nickname I chose?

[ReiofHope]

I’m 35 weeks pregnant and I’m having a little boy. Since I was a child I’ve loved the name Alexander James using AJ as a nickname. (I’ll admit it started as I loved the Backstreet Boys)
Now 20 on this generation of babies has a James and at least one other child with James as a middle name. So I changed the middle name for my son to jason but still want to call my baby AJ.
Over the last few weeks everyone from my step mum to the children on my partners side have been referring to him as Alex no matter how many times I correct them.

It’s not as if they’ve ever refused to use nicknames before we have an Ollie (oliver) harry (Harrison) Albie (Albert) and Mila (Emelia) so why is it that they’re refusing to use my chosen nickname?

Am I just being an unreasonable bitch to expect people to use a specific short form?

I get you with the long name, mine all have full Christian names but are known by shorter names day to day. I wouldn’t be mad if someone called them their long names (in fact my eldest had a preference for his long name for about a year) cause it’s what we chose for them, so I don’t get that part of your OP.

Whether we like AJ is neither here nor there, it’s your baby. I will say though that it is very hard to enforce nicknames like that, we have a friend JP as a pp does and it only came about when we were late teens and it happened naturally, you need to just let this happen

God no, I'd much rather watch Buffy than read Pride and Prejudice. But asking people to use a nickname based on these things isn't likely to fly.

People have lots of names generally. Most aren’t decided by their parents and it’s ridiculous to think they would be. Friends, colleagues, partners all have special names for each other. You don’t get to control that.
If you had a Penelope Rose they might be PR (if a medic) Penny, Pen, loopy, loppy, Rosie, Rose (If they disliked their first name, Bunny, Kitten, Curly or a thousand other possibilities.

My kids have full names but go by the nicknames we decided on in late pregnancy.

I don’t know why mumsnet is full of people insisting this doesn’t happen whenever it comes up on name threads. It does. A lot. It’s normal.

OP just say you’re changing Alexander, keep it vague and just use AJ when referring to baby.

Batteriesallgone
It's common for parents to name baby and call baby by a diminutive. (Many will follow their lead but others end up forming their own naturally. E.g. I call one of my siblings a different name to my parents. My mum still calls me her chosen nickname 50% of the time even though I don't go by that.)

It's unusual for parents to plan a name around liking a nickname, give the longer name and then have an issue with anyone using common shortenings of the name. Even more unusual to decide this and start dictating before baby is born.

No it’s really not unusual.

Everyone calls our kids by the nicknames we chose and ‘dictated’ pre birth. Several kids in DS’s class are the same. One has the same nickname as him but different long name. Neither kid is in the situation of having multiple nicknames. They have their name they respond to (nickname) and their formal long name that they know if asked but don’t use day to day.

I’d think it was really weird if parents called their kid AJ and grandparents used Alex, like the GPs were making a point about AJ being chavvy or wanting to establish their own ownership of the child.

Obviously once kid goes to secondary all bets are off in terms of what their teen friends call them. But that’s the case whatever you call them ha!

I thought for ages about ds1's name and picking a nickname that I wanted everybody to use. Total waste of time as now he is 12 a few people call him the shortened version of his name that I hated but mostly people call him his full name which is what he prefers anyway. With my others I just picked names that I liked the full version of. Very few people call any of them by a nickname.

Family and friends should respect what you call him. I have seen other posts about people insisting on full name rather than shortened nicknames and mumsnetters basically saying get them told it’s your baby yada yada yada so I’m surprised now to see it’s not up to you.
Once he’s at school his mates will call him whatever this isn’t really up to you hahaha
Just keep insisting it’s AJ and correct them
I do when people try to shorten my dc names

My son's First and middle initials are AJ.

When we told MIL his name she announced that we could call him AJ.

That idea was shot down verrrrry quickly! Nope.

No it’s really not unusual.

It really is. To use the previous example of Penelope, most people wouldn’t use that for their child if they hated the name Penny.

This is one of the most ridiculous threads I have ever read. People won't use it your kid will live and be known by Alex, AL, Lexi etc. Get over it

@CoughLaughFart oh dear! We did exactly that with dd!! I absolutely hate the most obvious abbreviation 😜 it would be Ellie. Literally can’t bear that name. (Say it was Eleanora (it’s not) and instead of Ellie we called her Nora. My child is only just 3, knows both her names and chooses the abbreviation ‘nora’ so tells people this is her name.
My friend has an Eleanor and hates Ellie too so her dd is Elle.
Actually you can easily influence the nickname of your choice.
Our oldest daughter uses the nickname we chose, her grandparents tried another but we didn’t like it so asked them not too.
Another person I know has a son called Timothy James and they always called him TJ bit weird at first and at School called Timothy but everyone else called him TJ.
Go with your choice but accept it may get changed.

Alex is probably what he’ll be called

My ds1 was given that name but everybody called him Aj from being born and still do

There are two kids in my school currently whose parents call them by their initials. I find it so cringeworthy that I can't actually do it, so use their official names. Interestingly, both boys have said they prefer that.

I grew up with the initials CJ and some people used to call me that and I hated it. I had various nicknames based on my actual name which was fine, but CJ isn’t a nickname as they were just my initials.

I also got called BJ because it was oh so funny to young school children - so be prepared for your son to possibly have the same happen and be the butt of jokes as a result of it.

My son’s first two initials happen to be AJ and thank god nobody refers to him as that and it wouldn’t even occur to anyone to do it. Nicknames are fine, but calling someone by their initials is pretty lazy and lacking in thought in my opinion.

I’m another one here who just doesn’t understand all the angst regarding have a name on the BC but then wanting their child to be called someone else. If you are going to do offended if your child isn’t called the same ‘nickname’ that you want to give him then just make it his legal name. If you’re so confident that AJ is the right name for him and anything else just pisses you off then at least have the courage of your conviction and make it his legal name. If you aren’t assured enough yourself to actually call him AJ then I think it’s pretty ridiculous of you to demand that others do or be offended that they won’t.

To be fair to the OP, I set my DC’s names that if they wanted to use initials as a nickname that they were able to. I admit this was a bit sad, but I wanted to think that at least they had options.

Nicknames evolve, my youngests nickname is because of a mispronunciation from a toddler sibling. Oldest nickname is his name plus ‘pants’, no reason for it at all, just happened.

I expect whatever you try to insist on doing the baby will make their own choice when they’re older. Just the way of things I suppose (although I really Hope oldest doesn’t choose a nickname 😂).

The J in nicknames like AJ is usually Junior. As in DH is Alex senior and DS is Alex junior. People are then forced to use the J to differentiate between the two.

Nicknames from birth often have the effect that the DC will insist on their full name or another nickname when they are able to anyway. My DN has done this and we're all trying to remember to call her by her full name now as she gets upset when we don't.

Pick a name that you're fully comfortable with. Call your child any nickname you wish and hope that it catches on but you can't assume that it will.

Congrats on your new baby BTW.

I agree with PP who suggested Ajay, if the sound of the name is what appeals, but also agree that nicknames will be what they will be.......mine, at school, was "biccie" because of my fondness for that snack, a friend was called "Shove" because he always needed one - nothing to do with our given names at all.

Alexander, Alex, Zander and Xander are all beautiful names for a boy. Why on Earth would you ruin them with a chavy name like AJ?

You can't dictate what people will call him.

Reminds me of Seinfeld actor Jason Alexander...

YABU.

AJ is silly, people will just use Alex, as that upsets you best choose another name.

I agree that you need to introduce him as AJ. Explain if queried.

Will you expect his teacher to call him AJ too? I taught at a school where a mother categorically insisted that her son be referred to using his rude connotation initials and would go ballistic if anyone ever dared to refer to him as his actual on-the-birth-certificate and on-the-enrollment-form name.

I really don't see the issue with predetermined nicknames when they are a derivative of the actual name. My daughter has a name like this, think birth name Samantha but we call her Sam. I don't really see how introducing the baby as AJ is any different. It's just a shortened version of the actual name.

Yes the child may get another, unrelated nickname at school, these things happen, but the whole predetermined nickname issue seems to be exclusive to mn imo...in real life people often shorten names from birth.