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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ignore probable accidental video message?

84 replies

CanOpenWormsEverywhere · 28/10/2018 09:03

Background: Male best friend, known each other since age 10. friends with benefits on and off through teens until I met my now DH (aged 22). DH knows all about him. Friend now lives overseas so we call to chat every so often and FB message. we catch up when he visits, with DH as well. He and DH get on well. Friend now has a fiancee. Met her and she's lovely. I am 100% he has no feelings for me beyond brother/sisterly now, it's been 13 years since we were 'together'.

friend has just sent me a video on FB, a bit random as he is swimming with bats in the trees. He sounds a bit drunk but the video was posted early morning his time so he shouldn't be. its a 13 second vid where her says 'hey, i'm taking an early morning swim with bats....aw....i love you'.

The way he says i love you makes it clear he meant this video for his fiancee. so do i ignore it? jokingly say 'er...think you meant this for fiancee?!' ignore the i love you bit and say something like 'cool bats'? or take it like he meant it as a friend even though the look in his eyes and the tone is wrong and reply 'cool bats, love you too buddy!'

don't want to make a big deal out of nothing, we have on occassion said 'i love you' when he's about to leave to go back to his resident country but something in the tone of the video is wrong for it to be how he talks to me.

mountain:molehill i expect...

OP posts:

Tortoisecharlie · 28/10/2018 11:57

Trust me, I’m older and wiser, but you are keeping up a relationship that is not platonic friendship, it’s the frisson that keeps it going, like the example you’ve posted!

It doesn’t mean it can’t be contained indefinitely. But it is there. More honest to recognize this.

I just wish I had a man to keep my DPs on my toes all these years! (Although I wouldn’t want them to have a woman like that!)

MathsQuery · 28/10/2018 11:59

I think it was probably meant to be for his gf. Unless you're in the habit of tell g each other you love one another. I do with my closest friend so it wouldn't be weird if was them. I think your reply was fine. If it was meant for you and there's some unrequited live on his part then there's not alot you can do.

naivetyisthenewblack · 28/10/2018 12:17

Trust me, I’m older and wiser, but you are keeping up a relationship that is not platonic friendship, it’s the frisson that keeps it going, like the example you’ve posted!

This is absolute bollocks, and projection. This might be true for you but not for everyone.

I am good friends with two of my exes in particular. There's no frisson FFS.

naivetyisthenewblack · 28/10/2018 12:29

Tortoisecharlie also, us both being friends with my exes and DP's exes doesn't keep either of us "on our toes", what a horrible thought.

I love spending time with one of his FWB exes in particular. She's intelligent, kind, great fun, very supportive of our relationship and I value our friendship.

DP also knows one of my exes well as we live near him, his wife & DC. We've on family holidays with other mutual friends, see each other socially and DP and ex go out drinking sometimes.

My friendship group includes lots of people who once went out with each other. People are adults about it. It is possible.

TheWiseWomansFear · 28/10/2018 12:38

I think in a purely platonic relationship between men and women you don't have 'to be careful, for the sake of your partners in particular to be clear, transparent and not call the platonicness of the relationship into question'

It just is clear and easy and I think you're paranoid or overthinking or fancy him

Tortoisecharlie · 28/10/2018 13:36

Of course people are adults and can contain their fancying and emotions. I’m not denying that you can be social and not automatically hop into bed with that person!

However if your relationship with that person was based on sexual attraction, it’s going to be there in the background. What’s the problem with admitting that? Denying it is weird. Which is why the OPs post stands out. Imho

naivetyisthenewblack · 28/10/2018 18:35

Tortoisecharlie people change and move on. I am no longer sexually attracted to my first BF. He was a terrible BF! I stopped being sexually attracted to him some time before we split.

For the ex my DP is friends with, we were attracted to each other before we got together but were very unsuited as a couple. We split because we worked out we were better friends than lovers.

I don't feel any sexual attraction to either of them. I'm not denying it - that's past, it's done. There is no sense of unfinished business. I am very fond of both of them, as I am of all my friends I've known well and for so long.

OhEctoplasmOnIt · 28/10/2018 18:37

Your overthinking is giving you away.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 28/10/2018 18:48

Lol at this not being identifiable! Yeah I’m sure almost e eryone has messaged a video professing love for their ex fuck buddy while swimming with bats 😂
I’d probably have just replied something about it not being a good idea to swim when drunk. Or ‘cool bats’ or whatever. Maybe his other half was filming and he was talking to her? Someone must have been unless he was filming himself swimming with bats with a selfie stick 😂

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