to ignore probable accidental video message?

[CanOpenWormsEverywhere]

Background: Male best friend, known each other since age 10. friends with benefits on and off through teens until I met my now DH (aged 22). DH knows all about him. Friend now lives overseas so we call to chat every so often and FB message. we catch up when he visits, with DH as well. He and DH get on well. Friend now has a fiancee. Met her and she's lovely. I am 100% he has no feelings for me beyond brother/sisterly now, it's been 13 years since we were 'together'.

friend has just sent me a video on FB, a bit random as he is swimming with bats in the trees. He sounds a bit drunk but the video was posted early morning his time so he shouldn't be. its a 13 second vid where her says 'hey, i'm taking an early morning swim with bats....aw....i love you'.

The way he says i love you makes it clear he meant this video for his fiancee. so do i ignore it? jokingly say 'er...think you meant this for fiancee?!' ignore the i love you bit and say something like 'cool bats'? or take it like he meant it as a friend even though the look in his eyes and the tone is wrong and reply 'cool bats, love you too buddy!'

don't want to make a big deal out of nothing, we have on occassion said 'i love you' when he's about to leave to go back to his resident country but something in the tone of the video is wrong for it to be how he talks to me.

mountain:molehill i expect...

I think you want to make something of it, for people to say it was meant for you.

I'm not quite sure why people are being so snide to the OP. I think she has a reasonable point, if it were reversed ("DH's one-time FWB sent him a possibly drunken video saying she loved him - he says it was meant for her DP, but I'm not sure if I believe them: AIBU?")

And why are so many of you bothered by the swimming with bats?

I do think if it was ‘over’ you wouldn’t keep up with him at all. I think you are fooling yourself that this is friendship, it never was and never will be. It’s your plan B and tbh it’s unhealthy to still be having a plan B.

The fact you are overthinking it and bothered to reply to a message that wasn't meant for you says it all. I agree with PP that it sounds like wishful thinking on your part that it was intended for you. Ignoring it was all you needed to do and despite posting for opinions on AIBU you were only ever going to stick your fingers in your ears and trill 'lalalaaaaaa' and reply to him anyway

People are getting annoyed about swimming with bats just because ... pedantry.

Since when did having someone as a Facebook friend mean you are keeping them as a plan b, what an odd thing to think..

I do think you're overthinking it a bit OP, I'd send back a humorous short reply and make it clear you assume he sent it by mistake

Your response was fine.

You are definitely overthinking it though. I’m always sending messages to the wrong people. Even if it was meant for you I wouldn’t interpret it as some kind of intimate communication. Don’t make an issue out if it as that will cause more problems than necessary.

Good response. Probably was meant for her, but maybe he shared it with you too because swimming with bats!

My question was purely do i reply with 'think you meant this for fiancee' or ignore that part and go with 'cool bats'

Thing is OP, you've known him for what, 20 years? He's your best friend. You will know better than any of us what the best thing is to say to him.

I don't know one way or the other if he is a Plan B. I do think it must be difficult to switch off your feelings entirely when you've been that close for that long. So it sounds to me as if in many ways you've outgrown him, or at least your relationship with him has grown into something else. It's quite possible IMO for you to be very much in love with your DH, but still have some residual feeling of something for this other man. Life isn't often cut and dried.

Why on earth would you not just say "Did you mean to send this to me? Cool bats though 😀"

The bats sound awesome

If my best friend sent me a video where "The way he says i love you makes it clear he meant this video for his fiancee" then I would just reply saying "lol, guessing that was meant for fiancee?"

Lots of friends have sent messages to our groups that they meant to sent to the partners in fact. It's quite a common thing. I don't see why it caused/required such an overthink and a thread.

yes, i admit i was overthinking. i panicked a bit i guess.

still, response sent and will leave it at that. i have relaxed about it a bit now. i can't be the first person to post on MN in a flap to then realise it was a flap about nothing.

he is not my plan b. i dont have a plan b. i love my DH very much. I love my friend too but in a brother/sister way. i am over the moon he has finally found someone to settle down with.

Swimming with bats?? I can't get past that bit!

You obviously wanted people to say 'ooh he is still madly in love with you. I think you are the love of his life and that video was totally meant for you.'

He is probably mortified he sent it to the wrong person.

What positive said^

If it was some old fat work colleague you wouldn't think twice.

You are over thinking because you have feelings.

If it's this bat and it wants to swim, it'll swim

that is a scary bat!!

FGS it's not comparable to a work colleague!! (and at no point have i said my friend is some kind of adonis - he could be short, fat and bald for all i've told you about him)

my male friends say i love you to me all the time and i say it back, doesn't mean they fancy me! i'm unsure why you assume its been sent to the wrong person, don't people drunkenly tell their friends they love them all the time

Oh my god cdtaylornats!!!!

Definitely mountain out of molehill. Your reply was fine. Let us know what he replies!

Dear god that bat pic is terrifying 😯

I think you need to make it clear you don't think the message was for you - in case his fiance or your DH find it.

I'd add p.s. I think your message was meant for your fiance!

Otherwise, if it wasn't meant for you, he might be mortified now thinking you think it was for you.

His GF or your DH may happen across it and think from your response it's totally normal for him to speak to you like that.

You need to distance yourself from the content of the message not act as it it's normal IMO.

I have lots of male friends I've known for years, DP has lots of female friends too. Some of them are exes. It's no big deal as they're all sound. (The ones who arent' sound, we're not in touch with!) DP socialises with one of my exes (he met through me).

It's normal in the circles I'm in to be friends with the other sex and with exes. Please ignore those who don't understand how this can be possible.

i'm confused by the ages. ARe you 22, but you were with this guy 13 years ago. 13 years or months?

Sounds like she met her now DH when she was aged 22, and that was 13 years ago so now she’s 35. She was with the friend on and off throughout her teens.

yes, what soydora said.

naivety thank you for getting how the dynamics can be. DH knows about the message and thinks its funny. and agrees it was meant for his fiancee - he thinks maybe friend was making one for me and one for fiance and sent the wrong one! (my DC like to see the animal stuff from where friend now lives)