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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ignore probable accidental video message?

84 replies

CanOpenWormsEverywhere · 28/10/2018 09:03

Background: Male best friend, known each other since age 10. friends with benefits on and off through teens until I met my now DH (aged 22). DH knows all about him. Friend now lives overseas so we call to chat every so often and FB message. we catch up when he visits, with DH as well. He and DH get on well. Friend now has a fiancee. Met her and she's lovely. I am 100% he has no feelings for me beyond brother/sisterly now, it's been 13 years since we were 'together'.

friend has just sent me a video on FB, a bit random as he is swimming with bats in the trees. He sounds a bit drunk but the video was posted early morning his time so he shouldn't be. its a 13 second vid where her says 'hey, i'm taking an early morning swim with bats....aw....i love you'.

The way he says i love you makes it clear he meant this video for his fiancee. so do i ignore it? jokingly say 'er...think you meant this for fiancee?!' ignore the i love you bit and say something like 'cool bats'? or take it like he meant it as a friend even though the look in his eyes and the tone is wrong and reply 'cool bats, love you too buddy!'

don't want to make a big deal out of nothing, we have on occassion said 'i love you' when he's about to leave to go back to his resident country but something in the tone of the video is wrong for it to be how he talks to me.

mountain:molehill i expect...

OP posts:
Totallya · 28/10/2018 09:23

I think you are reading to much into this.
I also feel it's wishful thinking on your behalf.
I doubt he was declaring his love for you! Sorry op!

Original poster
CanOpenWormsEverywhere · 28/10/2018 09:24

not reading into it, nor do i want to. the message was meant for his fiancee, it was clear in the way he said it.

My question was purely do i reply with 'think you meant this for fiancee' or ignore that part and go with 'cool bats'.

nothing more to it.

OP posts:
Original poster
CanOpenWormsEverywhere · 28/10/2018 09:25

haha, no wishful thinking at all!!

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 28/10/2018 09:25

'My question was purely do i reply with 'think you meant this for fiancee' or ignore that part and go with 'cool bats'.'

Why do you need to do either?

Just ignore
Not for you
And get on with your day

Skyhighfly · 28/10/2018 09:26

It wasn't meant for you do just ignore it! No?Confused

Skyhighfly · 28/10/2018 09:26

So*

Ghanagirl · 28/10/2018 09:28

I’m sorry it you lost me at “swimming with bats” is that a thing??

IAmRubbishAtDIY · 28/10/2018 09:28

Swimming while a bit drunk? Message him to see if he's ok, definitely.

LittleBookofCalm · 28/10/2018 09:30

ignore

DishranawaywiththeSpoon · 28/10/2018 09:31

If hes a best friend i dont know why you are stressing so much. Just reply some joke about him drinking, don't say "think this was meant for fiance" in case it was drunkenly meant for you and just a friendship I love you, I really don't think you can't tell the tone if he was drunk. I'd just say something like "someone had one too many G&Ts? Grin" or some minor joke like that. Leaving it open ended and then he can reply "shite, sorry meant this for fiance"

LittleBookofCalm · 28/10/2018 09:31

but why shouldnt he love you, particularly as he is drunk. old friends and all?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 28/10/2018 09:33

Who actually took the video? Was it his OH?
In which case , he was saying it to her and maybe this was the best view in the video .

Maybe it was filmed and sent later , hence the odd time.

And yes, drunk people say weirdy things.

BitOutOfPractice · 28/10/2018 09:33

You are massively overthinking this in a way that makes me think you do have feelings for him.

Send back "aww I love you too!" Or "wow that looks cool" or "that's an amazing video, where were you?" Or "ugh! Bats!!!" Or "did you mean that for me?"

Anything you send back is fine if the relationship is, as you insist, purely platonic.

JaiNotJay · 28/10/2018 09:34

You are massively overthinking this. Just ignore it.

NotTheFordType · 28/10/2018 09:35

"Cool bats mate, but I think you meant this for X"

I've been the recipient of a few of these, both from men and women!

Original poster
CanOpenWormsEverywhere · 28/10/2018 09:35

ok, went with 'cool bats! hope you enjoyed your swim!'

i'm overthinking as i feel as a male/female close friendship you have to be careful, for the sake of your partners in particular to be clear, transparent and not call the platonicness of the relationship into question. he is my closest friend but i am also aware of how lucky we are to have found partners who are not worried/intimidated by this. i overthink to avoid putting the friendship or our relationships in jepody. how many of you have a male best friend who you were on/off with for 6-8 years who your partner is totally happy about? its a rare thing and i want to protect it.

OP posts:
BlueJava · 28/10/2018 09:36

"I think this was for your fiancee! Cool bats though"

SoyDora · 28/10/2018 09:37

If you’re sure the ‘I love you’ bit was meant for his gf I’m not sure why you’re even giving this a second thought?

SoyDora · 28/10/2018 09:37

i'm overthinking as i feel as a male/female close friendship you have to be careful, for the sake of your partners in particular to be clear, transparent and not call the platonicness of the relationship into question

But why would it be called into question if it wasn’t meant for you?

Clocktowerblues · 28/10/2018 09:37

I get you OP but by overthinking it you are ruining it

OurMiracle1106 · 28/10/2018 09:37

Looks like a nice swim. Love you too bro 😊

Original poster
CanOpenWormsEverywhere · 28/10/2018 09:44

this has been my first major overthink in a long time! i guess i found it a bit of a shock and was worried/concerned what it may look like if DH or his fiancee happened across the message out of context? I have shown it to DH, who thinks its funny and agrees he was probably drunk. It's just the sort of 'evidence' you see all the time on relationships threads.

Imagine the post:

Just found my DP has sent a video message to his long-term female friend where he tells her he loves her. They have history before we were together. IABU to think he has feelings for her?

doubt many people would reply 'its probably nothing'.

thats the situations i'm keen to avoid!

OP posts:
Cambalamb · 28/10/2018 09:47

Beware posting something very outing on MN OP!

Original poster
CanOpenWormsEverywhere · 28/10/2018 09:49

doubt anyone would recognise me from that.

any the friend in question will not be an MNer. neither will his DP.

OP posts:
doodledott · 28/10/2018 09:56

I actually think your reply is more embarrassing: it's like you've assumed the message is for you, despite the 'I love you.'

I'd have replied asking if it was for you first, I think.