Bride wants to go to Amsterdam for hen do but no one else does.....

[Magair]

SIL is getting married next year. I am bridesmaid and she’s asked me to organise the hen do.

She’s 40, first marriage. Mild/moderate learning difficulties. Very difficult person to be around/with in that she’s very thoughtless and selfish, lacks conversational skills, has a huge sense of entitlement etc. Therefore very few friends. There are 8 invitees to the hen do, 3 friends and 5 family members. Some of the family members find SIL very difficult to tolerate (despite loving her).

SIL really has her heart set on going to Amsterdam for her hen do and always has. She loves eating hash and getting stoned. She is then a total liability and the night ends quickly. The rest of us range in age from 37-70 and it’s just not something we want to do, on the whole. Money is an issue for most of us and time too.

If I really tried I could possibly organise for me, one of the friends maybe MIL to go to Amsterdam. I really don’t want to though. I have begun to organise a cocktail making night and dinner in London instead.

AIBU?

I have a relative with LD and can picture SIL quite readily. She has a vision of what her hen do will be, but she's not probably given any thought to the reality.

I don't think it's fair to unilaterally change it without someone ( her own DM) discussing it with her, but equally I cannot see a bunch of middle/old age folks wanting to share a hostel room < waits for someone to come up with the inevitable AirBnB suggestion>

She hasn’t actually said to me “organise me a hen do in Amsterdam”. Instead over the years it been “when I get married let’s go to Dam for my hen do” type comments.

Well, book a trip to Rutland Reservoir in county Rutland. It’s one of the largest ‘dams’ in the UK and I imagine significantly cheaper then going abroad.

Whatever happens re Amsterdam, I can't help feel that cocktail making (which I think sounds dull), sounds more like your idea of a good time than the Hen's.

I do find it bizarre how people are responding to the getting stoned - it happens everywhere in Amsterdam. I'm not quite sure what you lot think happens when someone is 'stoned'

Well not quite everywhere. Most of the ‘coffee shops’ I have seen are pretty dingy and tender cater only for tourists, most of whom end up sick when they insist on smoking the biggest joint or stuffing their faces with hash cake. Even if you are not into the scene watching others get stoned is quite possibly one of the most boring things you can do. Finally quite a few work places include random drug tests in their employment contracts and even just sitting in a cafe is enough to show up on a test

@Strongmummy The OP herself describes her as "very thoughtless and selfish, lacks conversational skills and has a huge sense of entitlement". OP Also highlighted the fact due to finance and location very few would want to attend. OP Also mentioned Hen has a history of being a liability Stoned. I actually made no personal comments about her as an individual, rather the glaring unsuitability of location and activity considering the money and effort all attending would no doubt be shelling out if they attended. None of that has anything to do with learning difficulties moderate or otherwise.

@bowdown you said and I quote “a self absorbed Hen with a personality deficit”. That isn’t personal? The OP has made clear that her behaviour is linked to her difficulties. I therefore say again, don’t be an arse

I think sleeplikeasloth makes a good point. Personally I'd love a cocktail making evening but big nights out any anywhere noisy would be my idea of hell.

However if Amsterdam is not doable - and maybe it is worth investigating how much it would be to do one night there and stay in a budget hotel - then is cocktail making and dinner going to be her thing?
Sounds like she might prefer a tacky pub crawl and nightclub instead. Again not my idea of fun, but would suck it up and go to a few bars so that she was doing what she wanted to.

Pan then it depends what you do. Smoking weed isn't confined to coffeeshops. I didn't go in one at all..

Many tourists are out smoking while visiting attractions and enjoying themselves without impacting on others. I think the issue is the 'idea' of Amsterdam that many people have. Yep, some people do live up to the idea, but many don't. I was amazed by the amount of people who told me there is nothing to do in The 'Dam, and that people just get plastered and stoned!

Totally accept there is loads of lovely things to do in Amsterdam, have been there myself and loved it. SIL will want to get stoned, fall about and then go back to the hotel and vomit.

She will like the cocktail thing....she likes “ideas” of how things are.... so a group of girls dressed up making cocktails whilst she is all dressed up as bride to be, then drinking cocktails, having dinner and going to a bar will fit her idea of a London hen night. It’s a chain restaurant so really not too formal. I think someone said it sounded more like MY idea of fun???? Erm, no.

Anyway, I’ve sent her a cheery message last night as I had another message from one of the hens sayin she had told them we were all going to Amsterdam.... haven’t heard back yet which means she’s furious and sulking. But will come around shortly I hope.

Good on to you, Mag, definitely the right decision. As for the people saying club together to buy her honeymoon tickets instead - sometimes you just need to say 'no' and that's it!!

Unsure where you said you where based. But if up north. Could you do a damn dash. They do night ferries over than 5/6hours there and ferry back. Short enough time there and in the morning. So slight damage controll from a timings point of view. Not done it for years but remember it being cheap. We used to do it regularily in our younger years.

The cocktail making in theory sounds good, you get to make cocktails, you get to drink cocktails but honestly wouldnt want to do again or recommend.

We were in a private room of a posh restaurant, sat in a U shaped table with the cocktail making table in the middle, there was about 14 of us. The hens had chosen 5 cocktails before the night. When we arrived we choose which one of the 5 cocktails we wanted to make.

Then for each cocktail whoever chose to make it went to the centre table and made their own while everyone else watched and listened to the instructions, then the bar staff would make and serve the same cocktail to everyone else. Then repeat 4 times with a short gap in-between each one to drink it. When you watch one person poor some liquid into a shaker, then into a glass you really don't need to see it another 4 times and with 5 cocktails to drink it goes on for ages......

It was very dull and some of the cocktails were simply too strong or just not to each persons taste and you didn't want to go and buy a normal drink as you knew you had more cocktails coming and a couple of shots to drink all paid for.

Oh and the 2 bar staff assigned to show us how to make the cocktails were 2 very young and fairly quiet woman, with as much spark as a used firework. There were no fancy Tom Cruise moves to at least make it a bit more interesting or give it a bit of atmosphere.

That doesn’t sound great. This is one at a chain restaurant and they also have lots of interactive games.... sounds fairly raucous, which will suit SIL.