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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bride wants to go to Amsterdam for hen do but no one else does.....

90 replies

Magair · 27/10/2018 17:33

SIL is getting married next year. I am bridesmaid and she’s asked me to organise the hen do.

She’s 40, first marriage. Mild/moderate learning difficulties. Very difficult person to be around/with in that she’s very thoughtless and selfish, lacks conversational skills, has a huge sense of entitlement etc. Therefore very few friends. There are 8 invitees to the hen do, 3 friends and 5 family members. Some of the family members find SIL very difficult to tolerate (despite loving her).

SIL really has her heart set on going to Amsterdam for her hen do and always has. She loves eating hash and getting stoned. She is then a total liability and the night ends quickly. The rest of us range in age from 37-70 and it’s just not something we want to do, on the whole. Money is an issue for most of us and time too.

If I really tried I could possibly organise for me, one of the friends maybe MIL to go to Amsterdam. I really don’t want to though. I have begun to organise a cocktail making night and dinner in London instead.

AIBU?

OP posts:
TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 27/10/2018 19:27

Ok, I went to Amsterdam last month. People walk around the zoo, and bloody everywhere, while smoking/eating - getting stoned. It does not render you incapable, it's not like getting pissed.

There's loads to do in Amsterdam, even if stoned!

Unicornandbows · 27/10/2018 19:35

Calling it Dam is normal lived there in the past.

I think you need to be honest and tell her nobody wants to go due to expenses and give her the alternative option of what everyone else in your group thinks. Then just see how she reacts

Good luck x

EmeraldVillage · 27/10/2018 19:38

You need to tell her in advance. If she is going to be upset or disappointed it is far better this happens before the actual event that at it. I would just stress that everyone is keen to have a hen do and it will be xxx. Then if she says but I wanted Amsterdam you’ll need to explain the time and money was prohibitive for the hens.

OrdinarySnowflake · 27/10/2018 19:38

I would tell her in advance, so she's not disappointed on the day of her hen.

I wouldn't say they didn't want to, but "budget will be tricky if we want Amsterdam because your friends can't afford it, so thought you'd rather have everyone and stay in the UK."

bowdownbeforelokitty · 28/10/2018 05:49

Yeah sounds like a load of fun to me cant see why they aren't all falling over themselves to go. No wait, maybe because its a lot of money and effort expended all so a self-absorbed Hen with a personality deficit can get drug-fucked on hash-cookies while Hen Party babysits her and counts minutes until their back home.Tell her that she'd be better off getting stoned at home after a night out down the pub.

KC225 · 28/10/2018 06:22

Came to post but bowdownbeforelokitty said it much better than I could have attempted at this time in the morning.

LynetteScavo · 28/10/2018 06:25

Couldn't you do the house up Amsterdam esque and make some brownies? Special ones for her plain for everyone else,

I personally think this is the worst idea ever. Sitting at home while she gets stoned, for a hen night? That sounds even worse than actually going to Amsterdam.

She sounds like she'd be happy with some penis straws and a limo, so just tell her none can afford Amsterdam, and act really sad about it.

Shoxfordian · 28/10/2018 06:26

Have a chat with her and say people can't afford the trip to Amsterdam. She might have some other things she'd like to do in London so you can maybe try to incorporate some of her ideas

HappyHedgehog247 · 28/10/2018 06:30

Does she like cocktails and cocktail making? I think better for her to know in advance than be let down on the event if her heart is set on Amsterdam.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/10/2018 06:31

I think clubbing together to buy her and her fiancé tickets to Amsterdam is a great idea. The hen needs to be fun but something, which will be age appropriate for the hens.

Madeline88 · 28/10/2018 06:42

I wouldn't bother going unless everyone wants to get stoned. Best hen's party I have been to included going to a musical.

GloomyMonday · 28/10/2018 06:52

Can't you just ask her? Just tell her that nobody can afford to go, and that you've got a couple of other ideas. Ask if she wants to do Amsterdam just with you, or wants you to arrange something else that involves a bigger group, and if so does she want a surprise or to have some input.

Ifoundanacorn · 28/10/2018 07:08

Organise an Amsterdam theme evening complete with clogs and hair braids, beer and plastic tulips.You can arrange that anywhere at any time. As a wedding gift, club together and organise a coach trip there for her and new husband. Job done.

lljkk · 28/10/2018 07:14

Can you discourage her by pointing out the expense or that no one else wants to get stoned so they only want to go if nobody is allowed to get stoned? Make her think it's her idea to decide that Amsterdam is not a good idea for this event.

MidniteScribbler · 28/10/2018 07:23

Couldn't you do the house up Amsterdam esque and make some brownies? Special ones for her plain for everyone else,

So the OP is somehow supposed to find out how to procure illegal drugs, buy them and risk getting arrested, just for some grown woman to get stoned??

EssentialHummus · 28/10/2018 07:33

Just tell her that going abroad isn’t affordable, so you’re planning a night out in Wherever.

LizzieSiddal · 28/10/2018 07:37

Couldn't you do the house up Amsterdam esque and make some brownies? Special ones for her plain for everyone else, something like that

Agree with others, what an utterly stupid idea!

Anyway, tell the bride you won’t be going to Amsterdam as it’s too expensive. She needs to know sooner rather than later, so she can get used to the idea.

rookiemere · 28/10/2018 07:37

I think you need to make this DMs job to explain to her DD. I wouldn't be keen to go on the trip you describe either.

Or another way to go is to price up the Amsterdam trip and then ask people to confirm if they can afford it or not. SIL may have no idea that a weekend break is likely to cost £500+ per person- make sure as well you include costs for entertainment.

Unfinishedkitchen · 28/10/2018 07:53

Nothing helpful to add but this thread has reminded me why I hate hen dos. Expensive, forced fun.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 28/10/2018 08:37

Rookiemere It cost me £25 to go to Amsterdam by coach. It then cost me £67 to stay in an amazing (not the grotty type) hostel/hotel for an entire week.

£500 per person for a weekend?! It's likely the ops sister knows just how cheap an Amsterdam holiday can be.

rookiemere · 28/10/2018 08:51

Wow that is a cheap trip.
However I believe time is also an issue and presumably it would take a long time to get there by coach for a weekend.
Plus I just wouldn't stay in a hostel - too old and set in my ways to share a room with strangers. But I take your point that the weekend could be done more cheaply.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 28/10/2018 09:14

A hen group would share with each other, not strangers...

I do find it bizarre how people are responding to the getting stoned - it happens everywhere in Amsterdam. I'm not quite sure what you lot think happens when someone is 'stoned'

mammmamia · 28/10/2018 09:21

Forget it if she’s already been there several times.

Strongmummy · 28/10/2018 09:28

@bowdown, the person in question has learning difficulties. Don’t be an arse

Strongmummy · 28/10/2018 09:30

@triptrap - it doesnt matter what other people are like when they’re stoned. The OP has confirmed that the hen becomes a liability. That’s the point of the thread

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