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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strange DIL

69 replies

Choccybisc · 27/10/2018 16:46

My MIL has 4 DIL including me, she gets along with us all apart from one.
This DIL trys to push herself onto mil, and gets upset when it gets her no where.
She came round when I was there the other day and i saw on her phone she was on the phone to her husband MILs son, but not talking so i said "hey sil your phone is on" and she said "i know i always have him on the phone when i come so he can hear I've tried AND he does the same when he comes round"
I haven't told MIL but should i? I'd want to know if my conversations were being recorded

OP posts:
Reccy2018 · 27/10/2018 16:47

I wouldn't mention it to mil, but I'd tell them that I found that batshit

Hadenoughofallthis · 27/10/2018 16:48

She whaaaaat?????

Back away, OP! Back away.

Hospitaldramafamily · 27/10/2018 16:49

Don't get involved

SilverySurfer · 27/10/2018 16:49

I wouldn't get involved personally.

Unicornandbows · 27/10/2018 16:53

😂 😂 That is cray

Havaina · 27/10/2018 16:53

No wonder MIL doesn't like her!

What's the son like? He's a twat for recording his mum.

HeddaGarbled · 27/10/2018 16:53

Do you think she would be receptive to some advice from you about how to get along better with your mutual MIL? Clearly the two of them are concerned that there is a problem. Maybe you could help them out. What does she do when she pushes herself onto your MIL? What is she trying to achieve?

diddl · 27/10/2018 17:08

You say that she tries too hard & that she has the phone on to her husband to prove to her that she has tried.

Perhaps that's the problem?

Her husband is trying to force a relationship between two people who don't have much/anything in common?

WizardOfToss · 27/10/2018 17:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IWantChocolates · 27/10/2018 17:09

They call each other and then listen in to the whole visit? Who has time/energy for that?! If he's listening on his phone, why doesn't he just go round with his wife? Bizarre.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 27/10/2018 17:09

I'd want to know if someone was recording their conversations with me whilst visiting my home. She is definitely batshit & so is her DH to encourage it. Think about it, how would you feel if the roles were reversed and your DIL or friend didn't tell you that you were being recorded every time someone visited them? It is seriously weird and an invasion of privacy. I really think you should tell your MIL.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 27/10/2018 17:11

Do not get involved!!!

Seniorschoolmum · 27/10/2018 17:17

Wow. I wouldn’t get involved.
That sounds like the DIL has been accused of not trying. She is keeping the line open to prove, in a heavy handed way, she is trying, her dh is judging on the other end of the line, and if the MIL isn’t aware, her son is showing unbelievably poor judgement.

I’m not sure who I feel more sorry for, mum, son or dil. But they don’t sound happy, do they, and getting involved isn’t going to end well.

Original poster
Choccybisc · 27/10/2018 17:22

They don't get along as she keeps the grandchildren away from all her husbands siblings (they aren't her biological children)
I told her that is was strange to do that.. MIL doesn't really say anything when shes there bar the hello do you want a cup of tea.. if i was her i wouldn't go round in the first place!

OP posts:
Troels · 27/10/2018 17:23

Thats crazy, I would say something to my husband about it.

AiryFairyUnicornRainbow · 27/10/2018 17:46

I would tell MIL. It is all a bit fucking fucked.

BarbarianMum · 27/10/2018 17:48

Your MiL doesnt talk to her at all? That is really odd and quite unpleasant.

Blanchedupetitpois · 27/10/2018 17:50

Bloody hell. Have you talked to your DH? Maybe he could tell his brother how unfair it is?

Thisreallyisafarce · 27/10/2018 17:51

This is a bit of a circus, isn't it.

Tell you what I wouldn't do. I wouldn't sit in a house where a woman was being ignored as she desperately tried to make conversation with her MIL. How bloody rude and horrible.

She sounds weird, as an aside.

WellThisIsShit · 27/10/2018 18:02

Well it must be horrible to be singled out as the only dil that is treated differently and so clearly disliked compared to the other 3.

Don’t you think it’s shocking that your ‘dear’ mil won’t speak to one of her dil’s?

Or is it a case of ‘we’re a happy little family all nicey nice together & we want this dil out!’?

It sounds like the dils behaviour is extreme but it also sounds like there is a massive back story which you are missing out.

The little hints at context you give speaks to a situation where there are many different perspectives going on. No one going to come of as an angel here.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 27/10/2018 18:05

Your MIL doesn't talk to her at all?

That's just horrid! I get why she does it now.

My MIL treats me that way and it took for DH to watch without her knowing he was there for him to see it.

Jux · 27/10/2018 18:05

Did you not take the opportunity to find out a bit more from the dil? And what did you do while she and mil were both there, did you just talk to mil?

Jux · 27/10/2018 18:08

Next time, why don't you take dill off for a coffe after and find out her pov?

Original poster
Choccybisc · 27/10/2018 18:19

Oh no, I talk to her when I'm there, I've tried to engage them both but it just seems MIL wants an apology from her for preventing the kids seeing their aunts and uncles, and sometimes herself, and DIL wants an apology for all the times she has been ignored.

OP posts:
diddl · 27/10/2018 19:17

How is it DIL's fault that her kids don't see her husband's side of the family?

Perhaps she should just bak away from where she seems to not be wanted?