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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to not want CCTV camera in my living room?

99 replies

feebeedeebeedoo · 27/10/2018 14:54

As the title really....

We've always had a video baby monitor in our DDs room (she's now almost 3) but my DP has also put one in the living room. I'm really uncomfortable with that as I know he's checking the camera when he's out. Says it's because he likes to watch DD playing but I think he's just spying on me tbh.

My DB is living with us at the moment and he won't sit in the living room because of it. My DM is visiting and she doesn't like it either. I have to constantly watch what I say when I'm the living room in case he's watching.

He's just gone out so I switched the camera off. He phoned within 10 minutes to ask if the internet had gone down as he was unable to view the camera.

FML

OP posts:
butterflysugarbaby · 27/10/2018 16:52

Ewwwww, that's wrong on so many levels!

Get out OP!

DiaryofWimpyMum · 27/10/2018 16:55

I would take it down that's so wrong!

Missingstreetlife · 27/10/2018 16:56

Leave, you will get benefit until you can sort out work
Good luck

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 27/10/2018 17:02

Cameras are for when there is nobody there - to check your property or child in their room etc. Not for spying on your spouse. I'd tell him you feel like he doesn't trust you. Practically - if he won't stop it, I'd try and get out of the house as much as possible. And stay in different rooms as much as possible. Agree to send him lots if pictures and videos of your daughter so he doesn't need that excuse. Somehow break the wifi.

It sounds like you know this isn't normal and are making plans to get out - there are lots of good threads on here about how to prepare to leave a partner safely

MamaLovesMango · 27/10/2018 17:06

Don’t be ashamed. You’re not the one with anything to be ashamed of.

Phone Women’s Aid. There are things that you can do and places you can go with DC if you are reliant on him. You’re not stuck, you will get help. I was reading an article today about 11 things that are now illegal to do in a relationship, he would fall under many of the categories.

Phone Womens Aid, get your options and get out before something even more hideous happens.

Original poster
feebeedeebeedoo · 28/10/2018 00:07

I knew it was bad but thank you all for the reality check I needed. Things really are much worse than I'd realised.

I have lots of planning to do.

OP posts:
Ignoramusgiganticus · 28/10/2018 03:50

Good luck. Be strong. This really isn't acceptable and if he won't or can't change, you need to get out. Contact women's aid but cover your tracks or use your brothers phone. I doubt the camera is the only way he's spying on you if he's that way inclined.

Snomade · 28/10/2018 04:08

OP, it's possible that he didn't go out with his 'friend' but just wanted an excuse to leave the house so he watch you through the cctv and see what you got up to. Apologies for planting that thought. It just sounded possible from your comments.

Is he a very paranoid person?

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. Flowers

TheSerenDipitY · 28/10/2018 04:37

christ! just walk over to it, shake your finger at the camera and then rip it out, get a hammer and take it to the front step and smash it to smithereens and leave it there and tell him you dont mind doing it to each and every one you find, and if he doesnt like it he can fuck off at any time! fuck living like that.... is there no normal men out there any more????

joiningmum · 28/10/2018 04:41

I typical 3 year old doesn't need to be watched in their bedroom anymore.

If it's safe for you to do so, then i'd recommend sending him an email about feeling your DD doesn't need to be watched anymore and that you feel very uncomfortable with his security cameras watching and listening to you in your house. At least that way you have proof of the situation and your lack of consent, and perhaps the discussion that will follow from him.

My ex recorded me secretly. It's not normal behaviour.

Snitzelvoncrumb · 28/10/2018 04:41

Of course it's ok to turn it off, but first you need to mess with your partner. Can you turn toy story on and face the monitor at the tv. I'm sure there are lots of funny things you can do for a laugh.

lalalalyra · 28/10/2018 04:50

Turn it off, but please be careful with any suggestions of atagonising him. Make sure you are safe first and foremost.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/10/2018 05:02

Assume it's not the only one. Also assume that he could be surveilling you in other ways. Key logger? Your phone? I would be very careful about plans.

ThatWouldBeNO · 28/10/2018 05:10

I agree that it probably isn’t the only one outside your daughter’s room, it is probably just the only other one you know about. I’d be checking the bathroom, loo, bedroom, etc.

I’d refuse to have them. It is a violation, it is so controlling and demeaning.

tempester28 · 28/10/2018 05:14

That is a massive no no. Also I would not have it in a 3 year olds bedroom. It is controlling and you do not know who else could be watching - it could be hacked. I would tell your dp no more cttv in the house. If he ever needs to see DD play you can do a video call on your phone.

Justanothernameonthepage · 28/10/2018 06:03

I would suggest visiting your local library and using their computer to set up a completely unknown to him email. Forward photos of anything you might need to that account (payslips of his, mortgage details etc). If you can, sell anything things not needed (even better if a family member you can trust does it) under guise of clearing up before Xmas. Tell your mum that you want to leave, that the camera is the last straw but you're getting ducks in a line and ask if she could help store an emergency bag (DC toys, clothes, money etc). Stay safe.

Ignoramusgiganticus · 28/10/2018 06:05

The camera is now in the living room!

gothefcktosleep · 28/10/2018 06:08

So it’s camera with mic?

We have a camera in our living room. When we go away we can set it to message us when it senses movement.

I think the issue is more the level of trust in your relationship?

Koalablue · 28/10/2018 08:45

Turn the wifi off when hes out and check the whole house top to bottom for more.
People who constantly think others are up to no good are usually the ones up to no good themselves.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 28/10/2018 12:14

Tell him no you switched it off and you will switch it off whenever you please. Tough titties.

DearMrSkeleton · 28/10/2018 12:20

Please check he hasn't put anything on your phone or internet to check what your doing on it. Check your phone for any unusual apps that may be hidden in a different folder. I'd make sure all your passwords are changed too.

EggysMom · 28/10/2018 12:25

I think - for a while at least - I just wouldn't use the living room when he isn't there. I'd set up camp in my bedroom, or child's bedroom, and spend my time in there.

Shinesweetfreedom · 28/10/2018 12:38

Fucking hell this is ridiculous.What are your living arrangements.
Don’t like the sound of him at all.

longwayoff · 28/10/2018 12:46

You have to watch what you say in your own house? This man has some serious issues. Make sure they dont become yours OP, take some advice.

gottastopeatingchocolate · 28/10/2018 16:53

I second going to the library to use the computer. Do all research that you might need there, and set up a second email address.

Be careful, OP. Wishing you the very best.

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