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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want CCTV camera in my living room?

99 replies

feebeedeebeedoo · 27/10/2018 14:54

As the title really....

We've always had a video baby monitor in our DDs room (she's now almost 3) but my DP has also put one in the living room. I'm really uncomfortable with that as I know he's checking the camera when he's out. Says it's because he likes to watch DD playing but I think he's just spying on me tbh.

My DB is living with us at the moment and he won't sit in the living room because of it. My DM is visiting and she doesn't like it either. I have to constantly watch what I say when I'm the living room in case he's watching.

He's just gone out so I switched the camera off. He phoned within 10 minutes to ask if the internet had gone down as he was unable to view the camera.

FML

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 27/10/2018 15:43

Tell him no and rip the bloody thing out.

And tell him if you even suspect he's installed a hidden camera anywhere in the house your relationship will be over on the spot.

Controlling and creepy.

MamaLovesMango · 27/10/2018 15:49

Well this post is grim reading!!! Shock

AuntieStella · 27/10/2018 15:50

If he wants to see DD playing, arrange something so she can be filmed wherever she is playing.

Fixed camera in one room does not meet his stated aim. Get rid (I mean the camera as things stand)

muchalover · 27/10/2018 15:55

Take a picture of the room from the camera angle, print it and slide it in front of the lens.

Weird and frankly controlling.

BollocksToBrexit · 27/10/2018 15:59

No. Just no.

We have a camera in our living room but it only switches on if the alarm is triggered and I find that unnerving enough.

Oldbutstillgotit · 27/10/2018 16:01

I actually felt a shiver when I read this .

Original poster
feebeedeebeedoo · 27/10/2018 16:03

Sadly, this is true. As many of you have guessed, this is just the tip of the iceberg but this was the subject of my post as it had just happened.

I know what I need to do but I'm not sure I have it in me to do it at the moment. I am 100% financially reliant on him as things stand. He's paying for everything as I'm not working. Am hoping to get back to work soon though so that will help.

I'm so ashamed that I've ended up in this situation.

OP posts:
corythatwas · 27/10/2018 16:07

There is nothing to be ashamed of, OP: you are not responsible for his creepy behaviour. What you need to do is start planning for the future. It seems pretty obvious to an outsider that this will not be a good environment for your dd to grow up in, so start planning. Get back to work when you are able to, start building up a stash, think ahead. But be careful: a man who is capable of doing this could potentially be capable of quite nasty things.

kaytee87 · 27/10/2018 16:07

Wow that's so weird

Blackladybug · 27/10/2018 16:07

Yes thats weird. I have a camera because it's just me and the kids, so I can wash up, whilst watching the kids play in the living room. But in your situation, and watching it when you're at home with the kids, is odd.

kaytee87 · 27/10/2018 16:08

I'd check the rest of the house for cameras tbh

LannieDuck · 27/10/2018 16:11

Offer to turn it on during his lunch break. Surely he shouldn't be watching it while he's at work at other times anyway?

But I see your update that this is the tip of the iceberg. That doesn't sound good :(

VisitorsEntrance · 27/10/2018 16:14

Cover it up, but do it by ‘accident’.
Put a book, teddy, cup of tea in front of it when you tidy up.

I think deep down you know this is a bigger problem really.

JellieEllie · 27/10/2018 16:14

Are you sure it isn't your brother he is trying to keep tabs on? Or did this happen before he moved in?

incendio · 27/10/2018 16:16

Oh OP I really feel for you. Do what another poster has said and 'accidentally' cover it up if you feel like you can't get rid of it until you've got yourself sorted and can do what you need to do.

pigsDOfly · 27/10/2018 16:22

So he's effectively stalking his own family. Very worrying behaviour.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/10/2018 16:24

Wow. This is horrendous! He’s watching your dd alone in her bedroom! I can understand a baby video monitor for when your dd is in bed. But not this. It’s creepy especially with one in the living room.

Send him something in writing. It sounds as if you intend to split as soon as you can. The more evidence you have of his controlling behaviour the better. He sees your dd as a posession by the sound of it. Your dd isn’t going to be 3 forever. At some stage the camera needs to go sooner rather than later. Is he going to have a camera in her room when she’s 16 and watch her having sex?

And if your dd is a possession, that means he is likely to fight for custody.

pigsDOfly · 27/10/2018 16:24

Please don't feel ashamed. You're not responsible for what he's doing.

Ignoramusgiganticus · 27/10/2018 16:25

We decided we need cctv after a suspicious incident outside one night. Dh was looking at that type as they are very cheap. He immediately agreed they weren't an option when I pointed out they would be similar to spying on me.

There is an ad on the radio advertising these as checking in on your dog see what they get up to. I've always immediately wondered how many have been bought to spy on wives by abusive men.

Ok, if he won't remove it have a serious problem in your relationship.

HurrahMoaningMyrtle · 27/10/2018 16:26

If it wasn't for your update in which you sound very wary I'd suggest taking a photo of your daughter playing and propping your phone front of the camera. He'll think it's broken and you can't be held to blame

Are your mum or brother in a position to help you get out?

Original poster
feebeedeebeedoo · 27/10/2018 16:27

I could cover it but it couldn't be an accident. And he'd still be able to hear us. That's what bothers me most I think. Him listening in.

Without wishing to drip feed, he's out at a friends house. A friend I don't know. Don't know if he's having an affair. Wouldn't care if he was to be honest. He is so horrendously over weight at the moment though that I find it a bit hard to believe he's managed to find some other sap to bleed dry.

OP posts:
artio0 · 27/10/2018 16:30

I'm so sorry to hear OP. I have no experience to base advice on at all. Don't be ashamed though, you're very strong for trying to reach out and seek help, try to be kind to yourself, get in touch with women's aid and especially be safe.

My only thought would be, be careful with your internet history, do you know how to delete it? If not, google how to delete it for the browser you are using (eg firefox, internet explorer etc). If your partner is controlling he might be checking it.

Check www.womensaid.org.uk and call 0808 2000 247 if you feel safe to do so.

Lots of strength Flowers

Bluetrews25 · 27/10/2018 16:30

Agree with a PP that there may well be other ones you don't know about, or there soon will be if you sabotage this one.
Be careful OP.

ferrier · 27/10/2018 16:34

Can you confide on your DB? Both move out together until you can get back on your feet again?

artio0 · 27/10/2018 16:35

Forgot to mention, same goes for calling the woman's aid phone number obviously. I'd be worried about a controlling partner to check my call history so make sure you delete it after you call them.

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