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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Gifts that must stay at the grandparents

91 replies

Whatdoyouthink123 · 26/10/2018 18:22

Not really and AIBU but more of a what do you think...

Grandparents have bought DS a rather large and exciting birthday present (he's a v lucky boy!). However, they've said it has to stay at their house?

My first thought was this was a bit odd, as it's a present and presumably DS will get the present and then have to leave it at there's? Or is this a 'done' thing these days?

For background DS is 2.

OP posts:

eddiemairswife · 26/10/2018 18:47

I seem to have had the reverse; presents brought to my house so they can play with them here. I still have my grandson's marble run (he is now 23!).
Also, my daughter never had paints, glue or glitter to cope with (they play with those at Grandma's, she once said).

Rach000 · 26/10/2018 18:51

What is it?
My in laws do this quite a lot, most of the time it is fine as I don't want so much cheap plastic rubbish at my house. I am sure they have more of the same amount of toys as we have at home. They had 3 dolls prams for my eldest to play with. She can't play with 3 at once...
They also bought her a bike to keep there but it hardly has been used, also is a bit big and not very suitable but I am not sure why they got it. So we bought her a balance bike for home.
It is a shame if it is a nice present. My in-laws are more into quantity over quality so there hasn't been anything I wanted. Have to take some away at Christmas and some go in a cupboard as there is too much. My daughter is only 3 so hasn't noticed so far.

LemonCakeAndTea · 26/10/2018 18:51

Best advice I’ve seen on a similar thread was to give in laws their Christmas presents then take them away to keep at your house. I never dared try it but have been tempted in the past!

Froglette16 · 26/10/2018 18:51

My DM and DB live a short distance from each other. They frequently buy things for my DC but little stuff like PJs and small playmobil sets. Mum has become less able to travel to us and I’m stuck with school timetables. However she always has toys for DC that stay at her place and when they visit her it’s easy - I don’t have to pack toys and they’re looking forward to playing with Granny’s toys. It can work if you want to see it that way! ❤️

MsSquiz · 26/10/2018 18:54

I could maybe understand it if a child spends a lot of time at their grandparents house...

My PIL have done this when buying things for my nephews and niece and I do find it a bit odd. MIL especially has form for not allowing oldest nephew (5) to take a toy home from her house when he is enjoying playing with it but has to go home. I find it very strange

Original poster

Whatdoyouthink123 · 26/10/2018 18:59

They love buying him toys, he has more at theirs than ours! I just found this a bit different as it's his actual birthday present. It's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, just seems a little strange

OP posts:

Biancadelriosback · 26/10/2018 19:00

Do they or will they be looking after him regularly? My DPs and PIL all do this and while it does make sense (they have him 2 days each) MIL gets very very precious about him wanting to bring something home. She also buys him a 'their house' version of most of the toys he has here or at my DPs so you nearly can't move for plastic tat at theirs

Frogsareawesome · 26/10/2018 19:01

My in laws do this and it drives me crazy. They bought my 4 year old a bike to stay at their house. She used to go for an afternoon a week but hardly ever now she has started school. We had to buy another bike for her to have at home. It's not a gift, it's more like a loan!

junebirthdaygirl · 26/10/2018 19:01

My gd loves all crafts and art stuff, the messier the better. I buy her lots as presents but she keeps them at my house and we do them together here. I wouldn't think it would be fair to buy such messy stuff for her own home without her dms permission. She lives with her dm only..After her birthday and Christmas she has full choice in what to take home but always opts to leave all craft stuff here. I think its fine as they need stuff to do in gms. It has become a tradition that we do a lot of that stuff together when she is here.

MamaLovesMango · 26/10/2018 19:02

I think it’s cruel.

It’s his gift apparently, therefore it belongs to him but he can only borrow It. It’s quite controlling.

itsjustmebeingme · 26/10/2018 19:02

It’s odd that you’ve not said what it is. Why won’t you say?

Blondielongie · 26/10/2018 19:04

I don't mind this. More clutter for their house.

EK36 · 26/10/2018 19:04

My mum did this once, she bought a gift for my youngest child. It was an expensive large pop up circus style tent. She said it had to stay at their house. But the children could pay with it at theirs anytime. We never saw it again! As it was too big to leave out so they dismantled it and stored it away. Never to be seen again! Waste of money as it could have been played with for a few years then gifted to the charity shop by now!

Original poster

Whatdoyouthink123 · 26/10/2018 19:06

Itsjustmebeingme - they have told everyone what they've bought him, I don't want to out myself in case some we know is reading this

OP posts:

CherryPavlova · 26/10/2018 19:06

It sounds like he has sufficient in both places and more besides. I’d not fret. I hope we’ll buy items that will remain at our house for grandchildren’s use I’d due course. I’m not much taken with the idea children can have what they want, when they want and can play with it whenever the so close. I think there is more joy in toys and games kept for special use - wherever that might be.

Original poster

Whatdoyouthink123 · 26/10/2018 19:10

Mamalovesmango - hmmm I hadn't thought of it that way. When he was born lots of clothes were bought for him that had to stay at their house (I think they assumed they be watching him often but he was a bottle refuser so I didn't leave him until he was older). I found that a bit random too...

OP posts:

MamaLovesMango · 26/10/2018 19:12

I know if it were my ILs doing that, it would be a control tactic. The clothes thing is just weird.

RomanyRoots · 26/10/2018 19:22

Ha, ha, if you live near just keep popping in so ds can play with the toy, call at inconvenient times, 6.30am should do it.
The toy will soon be at your house.

hibbledibble · 26/10/2018 19:23

If this happened I would just be happy that I wouldn't have more clutter for my house!

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/10/2018 19:27

Nope. A present isn’t a present if it comes with strings attached. Just take it home and actually I would refuse to accept the gift unless you take it home.

The clothes and now the present. This is a pattern. They are trying to control you and your ds.

They have already been parents remember so know what children are like and they are trying to make their house desirable so that your ds pesters you to go round.

The message is. You belong to us, we decide what you are and aren’t allowed. It’s a power struggle for your child. Don’t let them win.

florenceheadache · 26/10/2018 19:28

Depends on the toy fess up op!
Next was the gift for your son or for the grandchildren in general?
I keep a stash at mine for all three grandchildren the items don’t really belong to any one child in particular but if one fell in love with one item I’d let it go (for a while).
So items I get new, some from garage/fb sales and a bike from a consignment shop.
My reasoning is the parents don’t have to pack toys when they come here, and the toys are novel so a bit more distracting.

BewareOfDragons · 26/10/2018 19:31

It is controlling. And it's not really a gift.

Why is your DH letting them behave in this manner?

RoboJesus · 26/10/2018 19:31

My kid always has at least one present that stays at the grandparents. All of them this year as they picked out things to do with each grandparent and one all together. It works out lovely.

Mumminmum · 26/10/2018 19:32

some of the stuff my parents bougth for the kids, we insisted stay at their house. Eg. a very noisy machine gun right after DD was born, a monkey in an astronaut suit, that could say different sentences and shook after it has yelled "LIFT OFF!", the teddy bear that song a childrens song with a lisp, the parrot that could talk. Damn. Those were terrible! All of them. Luckily, the kids accepted that they toys stayed at my parents house and then their cousins could also play with them. I think the teddy bear, that could sing originally belonged to one of the cousins. My DB didn't fall in the trap either.

Original poster

Whatdoyouthink123 · 26/10/2018 19:32

It's a ride on, battery powered toy - I don't want to say anymore than that for fear of exposing myself!

OP posts:

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