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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS punished for class prank

301 replies

upsideup · 26/10/2018 16:07

DS1 is 9 and in year 5.
Last day of school, the teacher left the room for a couple of minutes and DS suggested that the class should all draw back circles on their foreheads and then act normal when she comes back in, he thought it would be a good halloween prank that she would find funny. Most of his class did it, I don’t know how many didn’t but it was only a few.

She didn’t find it funny which is fair enough, it’s not. They were asked whose idea it was and ds eventually owned up, he had to stay in a break to go and speak to the head teacher. I was phoned to be told what he did and that as the ringleader he will have to stay in every lunch time the first week back.
Obviously in the less than five minutes the teacher was gone ds wasn’t able to bully/force 20+ kids into doing it not that he would do that anyway, he mentioned it and they all decided it was a good idea to draw on their own foreheads.

AIBU to think it’s not really fair that he is the only one to get such a harsh punishment from this? And that everyone else who did the same thing is basically let off?

OP posts:
KumquatQuince · 27/10/2018 10:05

OP your son has a good sense of humour and leadership skills, both of which will be useful to him in life. He also sounds popular. I’d let it go, and have a quiet chortle to myself about the whole incident.

cassgate · 27/10/2018 10:08

In my school if a teacher or ta is on their own and needs to leave the class for any reason they would sent a child to the class next door to get a ta to cover. We are fortunate that we have at least 1 ta per class and some of our classes have as many as 3 because we have a sizeable number of children with ehcp’s.

Lizzie48 · 27/10/2018 10:16

Personally, I think it would have been better if the punishment had been more immediate rather than waiting for the start of the next half term. When I was at school, children used to be made to write lines to write in isolation. I don't know if that still happens, I suspect not? (This could be done at home. I would support that but sadly I suspect a lot of parents these days wouldn't.)

MrsPworkingmummy · 27/10/2018 10:18

Oh goodness OP, you're clearly one of 'those' parents who can't see any wrongdoing in their child's behaviour. What he did was unacceptable.

Let's be honest, he's a 9 year old pain in the backside, who had pushed his luck one too many times. The school/teacher are fed up and want his crappy behaviour nipped in the bud once and for all. The fact that 20 other children were wiling to draw a circle on their faces at the drop of a hat, tells me he has done this kind of thing before. You don't instantly have that kind of influence over a group... He's clearly built up a reputation and the kids are responding to that. Most were probably too frightened to not draw a circle for fear of becoming a target in a future prank.

I sincerely hope you haven't told your son you think the punishment is too harsh.

Aridane · 27/10/2018 10:19

I thin kumquat is also one of those parent Grin

tillytrotter1 · 27/10/2018 10:26

You seem to belong to the 'Discipline is what other people's children need' school of thought.
If he was left unpunished for 'a prank', you immediately minimise it, next time it could be more serious.
Accept that he was wrong and tell him to accept his punishment, he may be the better for it. Parents need to work with schools, not against them as seems to be the MN rule.

My brother complained that he'd been kept in detention.
Dad What did you do?
Bro Nowt
Dad What should you have been doing?

I never told my parents about punishments, I did them. I told my Mother, in my 40s, that I used to write notes from her to get off games when it was cold. She was furious!

Kool4katz · 27/10/2018 10:26

The punishment is definitely OTT. This desire in the U.K. to make everyone conform and be mute saddens me.
I'm certain if my DS had done this, his teacher would have just laughed. She's a fab teacher and all the class love her.

youarenotkiddingme · 27/10/2018 10:37

Teachers leaving classroom can become a safeguarding issue. When ds teacher left another student pulled a knife on him.

However despite all this and despite school trying to alter the truth to avoid admitting teacher had left room I didn't think for one minute it was teachers fault.

Booie09 · 27/10/2018 10:45

I feel sorry for the other children who have to put up with his behaviour....but it's ok because he has good leadership skills!! Good luck in secondary school where I bet he's the 1st one to be given detention!!

abacucat · 27/10/2018 10:49

cassgate That is unusual. Most schools do not have enough TAs to do that. And a class of 9 year olds should be able to be left for a few minutes by themselves.

BarbarianMum · 27/10/2018 11:09

If the worst my kids had to deal with in the classroom was the class clown encouraging them to draw circles on their foreheads, Id consider them blessed indeed. Unfortunately the reality is rather different.

Lizzie48 · 27/10/2018 11:25

If the worst my kids had to deal with in the classroom was the class clown encouraging them to draw circles on their foreheads, Id consider them blessed indeed. Unfortunately the reality is rather different.

Tbf, this is the sort of thing that the kids will laugh about when they're grown up and look nostalgically back at their school days. And, as a victim of bullying, I had to cope with far worse, as the class scapegoat rather than the class clown.

AChickenCalledKorma · 27/10/2018 11:45

Dad What did you do?
Bro Nowt
Dad What should you have been doing?

Lol - that's classic. Smart Dad.

Balaboosteh · 27/10/2018 11:57

I think your son bullied the teacher by getting all the kids to gang up like that. I think the prank was a great experiment - humourous and creative - but it’s not a “good choice” when it comes to behaving in school. Your DS needs to know this. Why would you prevaricate over this? This could be a sign of massive behaviour problems to come - or it could not. But either way I would be nipping it in the bud, not worrying about how 20 other children are being treated. Incidentally, some of the other children may have been been made quite uncomfortable by your DSs behaviour. I was quite anxious and conformist at that age and I would have been quite upset by this.

MaisyPops · 27/10/2018 12:01

This desire in the U.K. to make everyone conform and be mute saddens me.
Yes. Wanting school to be a learning environment is a truly terrible thing.

I always find myself amused by claims that expecting children to behave is somehow trying to prevent any creativity, destroy individuality, pushing blind obedience and will destroy every ounce of personality.

In reality some of the most anti establishment, cynical, creative, non-conformist students I've taught have been the students who behave and don't disrupt learning. They are amazing to teach. We talk about how and when to challenge authority. We debate the nature of authority. Critical thinking is key in my classroom (actual critical thinking not the bastardised version used to justify why someone's DC trashed a lesson by arguing over a coat). I have no doubt they'll be fabulous adults who'll go very far indeed.

Not sure I can say the same for Timmy who has had his disruptive behaviour repeatedly minimised and been euphemistically described as lively. Timmy will probably get a rude awakening in life when he realises that the world doesn't find disruptive attention seekers amusing.

BruegelTheElder · 27/10/2018 12:09

Use it as a chance to teach DS about how institutions and people in positions of authority often abuse their power, and how it is often better to think long-term, to quietly accept the punishment while you plot your revolution.

Handsoffmysweets · 27/10/2018 12:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

KumquatQuince · 27/10/2018 12:22

I’m not one of “those” parents. I wouldn’t go into school insisting that my little darling has done nothing wrong. But I would see the funny side. And I would have done if I’d been the teacher too. Circles on foreheads? What’s the big deal about that?

AgnesBrownsCat · 27/10/2018 12:40

I imagine the teacher didn’t make that big a fuss but simply punished the little shit who started it all . Low level disruption like this is a huge waste of time in primary schools .

The other kids may well have joined in but perhaps out of fear than being willing participants . Your son sounds like a right pain in the ass and perhaps even a bit of a bully if he got so many children to willingly write on their own heads so quickly . Keep your enemy close etc etc .

If you have any skills as a parent punish your kid at home too .
This is entirely on him .

Lizzie48 · 27/10/2018 12:48

I've read this thread to my DH, and he thinks it's ridiculous that the entire blame has been placed on the OP's DS. He agrees with me that if DD1 faced a sanction because she joined in a prank and felt hard done by because it wasn't her idea, our reply would be, 'If he told you to run across the road naked, would you do it?'

He said he would also be unimpressed that they were left unattended. Yes, 9 year olds should know better, and it's no excuse. But there are still safety concerns, for example bullying. And peer pressure can be irresistible in a group of kids that are not being supervised, as we see here. (The other kids did join in, after all, and no doubt some of them were ordinarily well behaved.)

BabySharkAteMyHamster · 27/10/2018 12:53

Teacher sounds shit.

Having a little cameraderie with pupils can go a long way respect wise....... it was always the overly strict ones who didnt last back in my day

Witchend · 27/10/2018 13:02

Come by from the other side of this.
I was a shy child, sometimes bullied, didn't like getting into trouble, who hated his sort of thing.
You had a choice. Do as everyone else did with the risk of getting into trouble.
Don't do it, and have comments about being spoil sports etc.

And if a group punishment was given to everyone who did it then they resent those who didn't do it, putting the ones who didn't join in again at risk from nasty comments.
I think dealing with the ring leader is actually a better way of going about it.

And a year 5 class should be able to get on with work for 5 minutes. We had a couple if weeks when our teacher was ill at that age and we were trusted to get on with work set at the start of the day.
It was really good for us as a form as we had to work together and help each other. Children need to be able to work on their own as well as with a teacher standing over them. It's much better if they can learn to get on without being watched at a young age.

AgnesBrownsCat · 27/10/2018 13:04

I’m assuming your husband has some kind of award for teaching Lizzie !
I’m sure the other kids were punished too and if not then the teacher is well aware of who the ring leader is.
The teacher does not sound shit either Babyshark , she / he sounds like someone who has had enough of this boys behaviour and wants to nip it in the bud . Kid sounds like a bully if he can manipulate so many children so quickly . Are they afraid of him ?

AgnesBrownsCat · 27/10/2018 13:05

And a teacher should be able to leave a room for a few minutes. What if they need the loo?

Thisreallyisafarce · 27/10/2018 13:11

AgnesBrownsCat

Unless they're 6th form, I don't leave students alone. If I absolutely could not wait, I would email a colleague who was free and beg them to cover me for 5 minutes.