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AIBU?

To ask if you would buy gifts for this child?

59 replies

Waitrosesmincepies · 26/10/2018 13:01

You ur ex husbands stepchild? Fairly new relationship, 6 months in. They’re talking about getting married, I haven’t met her yet. But I know I will meet her sooner or later. Kids staying at their house on Boxing Day. Me and ex get on OK, I try to be the bigger person and basically forgive and forget( even though some of the stuff he’s put me through is rather unforgivable) I just want us all to get on, and since this child is my DCs stepsister I thought of buying her a gift? She’s 2. Would you do it? Anyone done it?

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Thesmallthings · 26/10/2018 13:03

I might get a little something, or get some something to give to your child to give to her.

But if you didn't that would be ok to.

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shaftedbythesystem · 26/10/2018 13:03

Only if you plan on saying its from your daughter not you.

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RPC28 · 26/10/2018 13:04

Is it for Xmas or birthday you want to buy her a gift?

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Returnofthesmileybar · 26/10/2018 13:05

I'd feel no obligation to but if you can afford it then maybe a small token gift at Christmas would be nice

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MadameButterface · 26/10/2018 13:07

I would get her a little something from your dc, yes. The ex sounds like a tool, and they are moving way too fast given that dc are involved. But that’s not the dcs’ fault. You sound very kind and forbearing!

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shouldwestayorshouldwego · 26/10/2018 13:07

Can't your ex sort it out? If your dc are old enough then prompt them to ask him about it.

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SplishSplashSplosh · 26/10/2018 13:07

I would buy her a little something. She's only young. You can say it's from your children.

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californiascreaming · 26/10/2018 13:10

I don't see this as your responsibility but your ex's if he wants to give the child a gift from his own children.
If as you say he's an okay dad then he shouldn't have any problem with that approach...

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Waitrosesmincepies · 26/10/2018 13:14

He's useless at stuff like this, when we were married I had sort out all the Christmas and birthday presents for the kids and his family.

Can I ask why is it important that the gift is from my children?

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BumsexAtTheBingo · 26/10/2018 13:17

I’d get her a little something. It sets a precedent for keeping the children out of adult disputes and shows willing for an amicable relationship. And it’s in your child’s interest for the children to get on and for the step mum to treat them the same.

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ProfessionallyUnoffended · 26/10/2018 13:20

Personally I wouldn't. If you didn't have children, then presumably you would not buy a gift for an ex's new step-child. If you are thinking of a gift because you have children who will step siblings to the 2 year old, I agree with PP that it is your ex's job. In the nicest possible way, it would be odd for you to give a gift

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LavenderBush · 26/10/2018 13:22

Get her a little something from your DC.

It's from your DC because they're the ones spending time with her and they're the ones who are (at least potentially) step-related to her.

It would look more weird coming from you, as someone who isn't really related and is unlikely ever to spend much time with her. You don't have a relationship with her but your DC do.

Plus you get the credit for it anyway because it's obviously you who organised and paid for it.

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LavenderBush · 26/10/2018 13:25

And yes it is your ex's job, but I would do it anyway because it isn't a lot of trouble or expense and earns you and your kids major brownie points.

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whathaveiforgottentoday · 26/10/2018 13:33

yes, but like others, I would send it from your children or at least from all of you.
Its a nice thing to do and can only help future relations.

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TakeMeToKernow · 26/10/2018 13:34

I think clarification would be useful - this gift would be from you?

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WhitePhantom · 26/10/2018 13:38

It sounds a bit weird unless it's from your kids, and even then it should be your ex organising it.

If you got together with someone new who had a kid, would your ex be buying them gifts??

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Juells · 26/10/2018 13:39

I wouldn't set a precedent. Give your children their gifts on Christmas Day, and let their DF give them his gifts the next day. This child has absolutely nothing to do with you.

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Whitecurrants · 26/10/2018 13:42

I would get her a small present from all of you that she can open on Boxing Day

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HalfBloodPrincess · 26/10/2018 13:45

I would. I also buy my step children’s little brother a small gift at Christmas too.

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pumpastrotter · 26/10/2018 13:48

I would get a token tube of sweets or small selection box, but from you and your DC. Honestly it's a bit strange to be buying your recent's ex's new stepchild gifts, his new partner might not see it as an olive branch, more of a overly invested ex

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Namechangeforthiscancershit · 26/10/2018 13:50

From you would be pretty weird I think, as presumably you don’t have any relationship with the child.

From your DC would be nice but I would check with his dad that he hasn’t already arranged something.

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LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 26/10/2018 13:52

I'd get a selection box or something equally small because actually I'd want to role model to my kids that we don't leave people out at Christmas, especially little people. The fact that the wee one will (presumably) have opened all her presents the day before while your DC still have theirs to open from their dad might be hard for her to understand too.

Do you have to? No. Is it a nice thing to do? Yes, especially at Christmas.

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KurriKurri · 26/10/2018 13:52

I would do it, because if my children were visiting over the Christmas holiday with a family where there are other children whatever the relationship - I would buy a token something for any other children who are there as well as my own. And it will be nice for your kids to be able to hand something over especially as the stepchild is so little - she'll just want to join in with the bigger ones.

I wouldn;t overt hink it though, or worry about setting precedents or possible future relationships between your children and this other little girl. it's very early days obviously - Just send a little something because it's nice to send something for a child, whether you or your children ever see her again or not.

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Ignoramusgiganticus · 26/10/2018 13:53

No I'd give something small from you. It's acknowledging that this child is an important someone in your childs life and it is nice to be seen to be all getting on, from your childs perspective and from the other child.

It's up to your ex to buy a present from your child but if he isn't going to then I'd make it a present from you and your DC.

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Namechangeforthiscancershit · 26/10/2018 13:53

Can I ask why is it important that the gift is from my children?

Because you haven’t met her yet and it might seem a bit like inserting yourself in their Christmas celebration (ok a selection box is not going to be the main present obviously Grin) and the ex might feel that you’re a bit involved which would be a shame when you’re trying so hard to keep everything civil.

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