How babies are made! Dealing with pressing questions ...

[Laiste]

Not really an AIBU. Posting for traffic. Sorry if this is a bit long.

DD4 (4th daughter and is 4yo) is OBSESSED at the moment with babies and where they come from. She is generally very interested in the body and has a couple of 'what's inside my body' books which she asked for and is fascinated with.

I'm constantly (and i mean every couple of hours) fielding cheerful questions like 'what's my chin made of'? and 'where is our blood kept'? and 'Why don't our eyes fall out?'. Along side this we've had the usual where did i come from questions - always answered honestly by me but without leading on too much:
Where did i come from?
You grew in mummy's tummy.
Where?
Down here. Where it's warm and cozy ect.
Where the food goes?
No, a special place.
What's it called?
A womb.
Oh.

Fine for a couple of weeks. Then:

How did i get there?
Well, you grew from a little egg.
How did the egg get there?
When you grow up you'll have a tiny egg.
Does Daddy have eggs?
No. He ... doesn't. Only women have eggs.
And the eggs are in the woooooom?
Yes.

Fine for a day or so.
How did i come out? Through your tummy button?
No, through my flower. (i know - we say flower)

What makes the egg grow?

sigh

It grows when you're ready to have a baby. When you're grown up and ready.
Will Nanny have another baby?
No she's too old now.
Oh.

Now we have:
I want my egg to grow now. I want to have a baby this week.
You don't have eggs yet you're too little darling.
How will my egg know when to grow?
When you find someone to be a good daddy.
My daddy is a good daddy. Can he help my egg grow?
NO. Your daddy is your daddy - you'll find someone lovely of your own.
Will you help me find someone?
Mmmmm.
Will he know where the egg is?

Me - ''La la la la la laaaaaa lets get dressed for soft play''.

GOOD GOD! I did not have this with my older 3!

She knows there's a piece of info missing but i daren't start on about penises because we'll never hear the end of it! (in Tesco and at school and soft play really loudly probably)

Don't know what i'm asking. AIBU for holding back a couple pieces of the puzzle at the age of FOUR i guess? Thanks for reading all this.

My 4 year old hasn't asked these questions yet. I did get asked what sanitary towels were, so gave a brief child-friendly explanation of periods. I generally try to answer any questions in an honest, child-friendly way.

If it's something I don't feel comfortable sharing yet, my standard response is "It's a bit complicated. I'll tell you when you're older."

Your little one sounds really inquisitive.

My boys love the book "Mummy laid an egg"

has just about the right level of information for that age.

Unrelated to the book, my problem with inquisitive boys was that for several months they kept asking to see my "hole" because they could see their willies but hadn't seen a hole. (I didn't show them obviously)

Could you do the honest hid friendly thing , and give her pereyersof when she can/ can’t talk about it?
And btw she does have eggs, she was born with them.

And the eggs are in the wooooom?
Yes.

No, ovaries, please tell her the right words

My mum bought me a good book I've found helpful with my boys. I can't remember the name of it though! But it explains in an age appropriate factual way about how babies are made. I don't think I've actually read it all to my kids. It's got the obvious introduction about male and female bodies that we've read together. But I've found the explanation of how babies are made good to regurgitate to my kids when they ask.

Perhaps ask why she's so interested in babies. Is there someone she knows who's pregnant or having a baby soon?

I'm pregnant and we get these questions from my 5 year old son. He knows that Mummy and Daddy have a special cuddle that can sometimes make a baby grow inside Mummy's tummy (he said that he hadn't seen the cuddle, I said "no, you haven't!"). He also knows that there is a hole near mummy's bottom where the baby comes out.

Just tell her the truth. She's going to keep asking anyway.

DD was 3 when we told her she was going to have a sibling and 4 when he was born. She knew everything in the end because she was interested. Apparently on her first day of school, she told the whole class about caesareans and placentas.

She does have eggs. Those eggs were there while she was in your womb even. They don't mature until she's much older and to make a baby, an egg must mix with a sperm, which comes from a man. Simple facts. If she can ask, you can tell her.

She knows there's a piece of info missing but i daren't start on about penises because we'll never hear the end of it! (in Tesco and at school and soft play really loudly probably)

She knows penises exist though? Right? That’s not the bit that’s been held back?

You're not unreasonable. She's your child.

But I'd tell her. I'd get a book and talk it through together. Then when in tesco or similar if she asks (loudly) you can say "great question. Let's look it up together at home after we have put the shopping away" and then actually do so.

Teaches her how to find information out. That there's a time and place for such questions to get answers.

And doesn't reinforce the idea that sex is shameful. Something to be hidden. Something that is secret.

I have my own feelings about using flower to describe female genitalia. But as long as she and you both know what she's talking about

I agree if she is asking you should be honest and tell her. Tbh it’s eaiser to tell them when they’re young and inquisitive and not yet squeamish about the differences between the sexes.

I feel your pain.

My 4yo DD is also very interested in this. So far we've got to:

Me: daddy puts a seed inside mummy that that makes the egg grow into a baby

Her: ....(long pause).... does daddies seed taste nice mummy?

Me: (internally) OMFG really? REALLY? We're doing this now? On the doorstep to nursery???

Me: (out loud) I wouldn't know darling. Off you go to nursery, have a lovely day.

I should add that I've been trained on delivering sex and relationships education. Just not to 4 year olds 🤦🏼‍♀️

Hey, my son is thrilled about my pregnancy and despite me being as accurate and child friendly as possible is convinced that he is pregnant toop

Flower? Please use proper terminology. It's vagina, which is not a dirty word FGS.

Honestly I would just tell her the truth. I had definitely had a conversation about sex by about that age.

I started off by talking about a mommy's egg and a daddy's seed coming together to make a baby. I waited until they specifically asked how they came together, but when they did I told them that the daddy puts his penis into the woman's vagina and the seed goes in, I also said that it was something that adults do, because children's bodies are not ready. The dds did not seem overly scarred by the knowledge!

AIBU for holding back a couple pieces of the puzzle at the age of FOUR i guess

Yes, I think YABU. Just tell her the whole factual truth, sperm and all. Why not? What’s the upside of constant drip-drip info that’s not that accurate (she has eggs already, they won’t “grow” when she’s ready for a baby)?

My 4 year old (possibly younger) asked, I answered. Man puts his penis in the woman’s vagina, and the sperm get to the egg. Can’t happen until puberty.

Just get it over with and then you can just repeat the same explanation. As you say, you’re making it a “puzzle” - it doesn’t need to be mysterious!

My rule with the DC has been if they're old enough to ask they're old enough for an age appropriate truth. None of this stork nonsense.

Mummy laid an egg is great. When I was expecting DS2 DS1 asked some questions so we told him the truth. He asked how they come out, again it was a simple "Mummy's vagina stretches til it's big enough for the baby to come out, sometimes babies can't come out that way so a cut gets made in the Mummy's tummy to help the baby out that way". He was 4 at the time (he's 13 now) and it doesn't seem to have hardened him or made him too 'knowing' (which is what some friends cite as reasons for not telling DC the truth). It's the truth, it's simple and straightforward really, and they don't make a big deal of it.

Agree with teaching her the right words stop calling it her flower and eggs are in the ovaries.
It is hard when they start asking and it feels young my oldest asked about 9 and thought it was disgusting, ds1 never asked I had decided to have the chat with him when he was about 10 or 11 because he was going to be doing living and growing in school and didn’t want it to be a surprise and give him the chance to ask questions he may be to embarrassed to ask in school. Ds2 saves me the trouble though aged 5 when on a long car journey he started asking questions until he’d covered everything from stern and eggs to what happens if boys produce too much seed?

If they are old enough to ask they are old enough to get an age appropriate answer and using the correct terminology. I honk the correct terminology is important and agree it’s far better doing it when they are found without any hang ups about boys and girls.

Agree with above and stompy approach. Also, if you tell her exactly and as though it’s a slightly boring/every day thing they don’t care and make less of a fuss. I am guessing that the lack of detail and strange use of words (‘flower’)is confusing.

Why are you calling it her flower?!

Tell her. Why wouldn’t you? She keeps asking because she knows you’re holding out on her!

Thank you for your answers.

I know she has eggs already ect, and that they’re in her ovaries not the wooooooom, but honestly, when you’re being bombarded with the amount of anotomical questions per day that I am it’s easy to get a bit fed up and start over simplifying

She does know what a penis is. She’s seen DHs on occasion and finds it hilarious!

I lol’d at ‘taste of sperm question on the nursery steps. I just know that’ll be me! Love the ‘special cuddle’ too.

I’ll do it then. I’ll tell her next time she asks.

For info. I have 3 older DDs (early 20s) who were less inquisitive about it all even though 2 of them had obviously seen me pregnant and have their sister/s !!

The flower thing dunno, always just called it flower although they also grow up knowing the right name. Older ones aren’t damaged by it. A penis is/was always a penis though.

I knew i’d get jumped on for flower

Just wanted to say your dd sounds very bright :)

I think when the word flower is normal to you, you probably don't hear it as twee. Same as other people hearing my small DC use the word vulva quite merrily, probably felt shocked. My 39yr old mate still whispers "my minnie" in hushed tones. She's pushed two 10lb babies out of her minnie but she can't name it out loud.

Just keep asking yourself, if she was asking about any other anatomical function, would I avoid the question? She's just learning about her body and reproduction is as fascinating as it gets.

She sounds bright as a button 😊