How babies are made! Dealing with pressing questions ...

[Laiste]

Not really an AIBU. Posting for traffic. Sorry if this is a bit long.

DD4 (4th daughter and is 4yo) is OBSESSED at the moment with babies and where they come from. She is generally very interested in the body and has a couple of 'what's inside my body' books which she asked for and is fascinated with.

I'm constantly (and i mean every couple of hours) fielding cheerful questions like 'what's my chin made of'? and 'where is our blood kept'? and 'Why don't our eyes fall out?'. Along side this we've had the usual where did i come from questions - always answered honestly by me but without leading on too much:
Where did i come from?
You grew in mummy's tummy.
Where?
Down here. Where it's warm and cozy ect.
Where the food goes?
No, a special place.
What's it called?
A womb.
Oh.

Fine for a couple of weeks. Then:

How did i get there?
Well, you grew from a little egg.
How did the egg get there?
When you grow up you'll have a tiny egg.
Does Daddy have eggs?
No. He ... doesn't. Only women have eggs.
And the eggs are in the woooooom?
Yes.

Fine for a day or so.
How did i come out? Through your tummy button?
No, through my flower. (i know - we say flower)

What makes the egg grow?

sigh

It grows when you're ready to have a baby. When you're grown up and ready.
Will Nanny have another baby?
No she's too old now.
Oh.

Now we have:
I want my egg to grow now. I want to have a baby this week.
You don't have eggs yet you're too little darling.
How will my egg know when to grow?
When you find someone to be a good daddy.
My daddy is a good daddy. Can he help my egg grow?
NO. Your daddy is your daddy - you'll find someone lovely of your own.
Will you help me find someone?
Mmmmm.
Will he know where the egg is?

Me - ''La la la la la laaaaaa lets get dressed for soft play''.

GOOD GOD! I did not have this with my older 3!

She knows there's a piece of info missing but i daren't start on about penises because we'll never hear the end of it! (in Tesco and at school and soft play really loudly probably)

Don't know what i'm asking. AIBU for holding back a couple pieces of the puzzle at the age of FOUR i guess? Thanks for reading all this.

I have a very similar 4 year old . I just told her the truth (which some of my friends were bizarrely shocked about and told me it was inappropriate ). I bought a book called ‘where willy went’ and we started with that.
To be honest they were some of the easier questions to answer... we’ve also had ‘how did the first person get on the earth’, ‘what is a cell made of’, ‘how did the first cell get on the earth’ etc etc. She certainly challenges me!

At age 4 I remember asking my mum, "how did your body know you wanted to grow a baby?" She said "when you're married, you just sort of think it, its like a magic wish".
So age 11, I was totally shocked when they taught us about sex at school. I'm still annoyed at her for that. Please tell your DD!

I told my 3YO she came from God and that mummy and daddy asked God for a baby and he put her in my tummy. Then she asked how the baby cane out and I told her the drs helped mummy. I didn’t want to go into more detail. I think it’s brave and potentially very sensible to tell the truth but I wasn’t prepared when she asked and so will have to tackle it at a later date.

When I was talking with my 7yo the other day she said:

We'd done through the egg sperm vagina penis bits.

"So did daddy put his penis in your vagina" 
Yes I reply

She thinks a bit then says "so if another man out his penis in your vagina I WOULD HAVE STRAIGHT HAIR!!"



I don't find it that easy to talk about but I take a deep breath and use all the correct words.

My 4yo asked his daddy while I was at work, the minute I walked through the door I was greeted with “how do you get babies mama?”, thanks DH, he’s told him to ask me, as I was so put on the spot I was probably better than if I’d had time to prepare. I just replied that daddies have little tadpoles called sperm and mummies have eggs, the sperm and the egg meet and grow into a baby. That was as much info he needed at that stage and we’ll cover the rest as he asks.

I had this from my LG 2 weeks after starting reception. She was insistent that she knew daddy helped and wanted the truth. So I gave it to her (cbeebies version obv). She was absolutely fine with it. If anything it's helped with her hygiene. She now makes sure she wipes properly after the toilet and is constantly asking if she cleaned herself well enough.

"I feel your pain"

Why is there any pain involved? Just be honest and age appropriate. It's just the facts of life - answer her questions. No need to make a big deal about it.

Recommend the usborne book. I find it easier to just tell the truth and use the proper words, otherwise you have to remember what half-truths you've told them when they refer back to a conversation from weeks before.

My DD, around the same age, had been wanting more and more info about the whole baby making business for months.
We started with the special cuddle, went on to the sperm and egg and finally, after telling her that No, the sperm didn't get into the womb through the belly button, told her true story.
She looked at me with horror and declared, "That is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard, I hope you did it in the bathroom!"

My four year old DD was obsessed with how babies come out. Unbeknown to me she had asked my DH if eggs came out if a chicken's bum. He is no nonsense biology teacher and explained that chickens have an egg hatch. A few days later we were in the local playground and my DD was having a long conversation with a very pregnant mum. I went over to find my four year had said 'I know you have a baby in your tummy, are you getting it out from your egg hatch?'. The mum told me she didn't know chickens had an egg hatch. Worse still my DD told her that 'My mummy had an operation to get the babies (she is a twin) out because she was saving her egg hatch for best'. Luckily the pregnant mum thought it funny not intrusive, but she did mention that she didn't know what to say because 'you didn't know how much children knew or didn't know'

My 4 year old asks very similar questions to yours, OP. There’s absolutely no way that I will be explaining penis in vagina to him any time soon though. He has a tendency to get obsessed with new things he learns, he’s already fascinated with private parts at the moment and he’d be bound to make lots of inappropriate comments and could lead him acting out what he’s learnt.

I do think it’s acceptable to leave out certain details until you feel your child is mature enough to handle the knowledge. It’s not unreasonable to give them a dumbed-down but not fictional version of reality.

I do the whole seeds and special cuddle explanation, this is exactly how it was explained to me at this age and I think it was a good approach. My parents filled in more details as I got older in a way that made sense and this is what I plan for my own children.

I listened to a good podcast on this subject. I can find a link if anyone is interested. Her main point was to be matter of fact, as other people have said. But also she was saying you have quite a short window when they are young enough that you're still their number one source of information but old enough to be interested in these kinds of questions. A bit older and they'll be getting all kinds of false information from the playground, so good to get the facts straight now. There was also some stuff about teaching the concept of privacy alongside the biology, which wouldn't have occurred to me but I think helps a bit with, for example, avoiding inappropriate conversations with strangers!

I just give factual answers. My 4yr old knows the mechanics of how babies are made and how things differ if two men or two women want to become parents. That’s just from me answering his questions.

I did the age appropriate responses... they are now 12 &15 and ask me anything. Tbh thank god for urban dictionary at this point however My daughter has a twinkle, as do I . Yes we both know the correct names, no I don’t dislike the correct words. I’m
Perfectly entitled to refer to my bits in whatever way I like, as is everyone. As long as you are having open conversations, your dc understand and are body confident it’s fine. If a 4 yo wants to discuss her vulva, go her!