How babies are made! Dealing with pressing questions ...

[Laiste]

Not really an AIBU. Posting for traffic. Sorry if this is a bit long.

DD4 (4th daughter and is 4yo) is OBSESSED at the moment with babies and where they come from. She is generally very interested in the body and has a couple of 'what's inside my body' books which she asked for and is fascinated with.

I'm constantly (and i mean every couple of hours) fielding cheerful questions like 'what's my chin made of'? and 'where is our blood kept'? and 'Why don't our eyes fall out?'. Along side this we've had the usual where did i come from questions - always answered honestly by me but without leading on too much:
Where did i come from?
You grew in mummy's tummy.
Where?
Down here. Where it's warm and cozy ect.
Where the food goes?
No, a special place.
What's it called?
A womb.
Oh.

Fine for a couple of weeks. Then:

How did i get there?
Well, you grew from a little egg.
How did the egg get there?
When you grow up you'll have a tiny egg.
Does Daddy have eggs?
No. He ... doesn't. Only women have eggs.
And the eggs are in the woooooom?
Yes.

Fine for a day or so.
How did i come out? Through your tummy button?
No, through my flower. (i know - we say flower)

What makes the egg grow?

sigh

It grows when you're ready to have a baby. When you're grown up and ready.
Will Nanny have another baby?
No she's too old now.
Oh.

Now we have:
I want my egg to grow now. I want to have a baby this week.
You don't have eggs yet you're too little darling.
How will my egg know when to grow?
When you find someone to be a good daddy.
My daddy is a good daddy. Can he help my egg grow?
NO. Your daddy is your daddy - you'll find someone lovely of your own.
Will you help me find someone?
Mmmmm.
Will he know where the egg is?

Me - ''La la la la la laaaaaa lets get dressed for soft play''.

GOOD GOD! I did not have this with my older 3!

She knows there's a piece of info missing but i daren't start on about penises because we'll never hear the end of it! (in Tesco and at school and soft play really loudly probably)

Don't know what i'm asking. AIBU for holding back a couple pieces of the puzzle at the age of FOUR i guess? Thanks for reading all this.

My four year old asked this question. We started with gamete formation. He seems to have grasped the very basics but unsurprisingly hasn’t even got close to contemplating the mechanics. No such thing as too much information.

The book where Wally went is very good.
However Wally is a boy sperm who turns out to be a girl, but That's for another thread

FFS Willy not Wally

I hate it when people give cutesy names to body parts. It's not a flower!!! It's a vagina.

I'm a great believer in telling it like it is at an age appropriate level. You really don't need to miss bits out. Just be factual without being too long winded.

I must admit my resolve on this was tested a bit in the queue for the checkout in Tesco when my DS, probably a similar age to your DD OP, stated in a very loud voice that 'I know how babies get out, but how do they get in'.

Obviously, I saved that conversation for after we'd been through the checkout and were outside in the car.

Babyspider. Thought that might be a new where's Wally book.

I'd just answer her questions honestly and not worry - it's normal for her to be asking and great that she sounds so curious and bright. I knew about how babies were made (including that the man put the sperm inside the woman using his penis in a special cuddle just for grown ups who love each other etc) aged 3 because my mum was pregnant with my brother. My dd also started getting interested when I got pregnant (also when she was 3) so I've tried to do the same thing and be as factual and non-embarrassed as possible. If I hadnt got pregnant I'd also probably have brought up the topic at some time anyway when it felt natural. Much better in my opinion for them to learn before embarrassment creeps in for them and it becomes a big deal, and is on the same level as " why does blood come out if I fall over?" or whatever, and also so they don't later get misinformation from friends at school if they know nothing about it. It does mean I get random awkward questions like "won't the hair on your bottom tickle the baby when it comes out of your vagina?" (thankfully not in public) or more creepily "if a girl dies do her eggs all die with her?". She has had some conversations with nursery staff about sperm and eggs but I'm sure they can handle it!

Ha no real advice here I'm afraid OP, but you did make me laugh!

My 7 yr old DD knows plenty, as I hold nothing back, but has only just realised, because I told her, that babies are made by penis in vagina. I was surprised she didn't already know, tbh.

Her only question? 'Do you get to keep your pants on?'

I went with penis is vagina, sperm and egg. It opened up a whole conversation about consent too, does Daddy have to ask first? YeS sweetie, always!

I want my egg to grow now. I want to have a baby this week.
You don't have eggs yet you're too little darling.
How will my egg know when to grow?
When you find someone to be a good daddy.
My daddy is a good daddy. Can he help my egg grow?
NO. Your daddy is your daddy - you'll find someone lovely of your own.

Haha, this is so Freudian!

My husband calls it a "cookie" .

usborne.com/browse-books/catalogue/product/1/10368/where-do-babies-come-from/

This is a really good boom called "Where do babies come from?". Its lift the flap and aimed at young kids (aged 4+) but is factual and uses correct words etc. It also goes into other animals and how they are similar or different to humans.

Book not boom

I had a similar conversation with my nearly 4 year old. She apparently wants a baby in her tummy when she's grown up, and Daddy can be the Daddy. He very neatly said 'but I'll be the Grandad, someone else will be the Daddy' and we moved on!

Thank you for all your replies.

So: 4 of my own kids and was a TA at primary for 8 years. Including being involved in the sex ed. for the year 6 girls. (''Ask Mrs. Laiste anything - she'll be honest and kind''. And they did, and i was. (On one occasion an enthusiastic member of the group asked me what position i was in when i conceived DD3! )

This thread was half light hearted but i was struggling with it a little bit and i don't know why. You're all correct - the way forward is to just talk about in a matter of fact way (i'm all ready and she's not mentioned bodies at all today. Typical!)

To those who say DD4 sounds bright - yes, i'm a bit sort of bewildered by her sometimes. She remembers the tiniest details of every single thing you say.

Yes to the Freudian littlekitty - i thought the same. She did ask me if she could be married to him as well! Love their innocence.

Thank you again for all answers.

Thank you for the book suggestions too. I'll def. be looking at getting one for her.

Oh - rest assured i never used any cutesy names for anything when i was at work!

The idea of a lift the flap sex ed book made me snort like a 12 year old.

This reminds me of a childminder friend who was baffled by a new minded child who kept asking to see Mickey Mouse on his first day with her. She showed him Mickey on the TV, and in a book she had but he kept asking and then peed himself. Mickey Mouse was his willy and his parents taught him to ask to go and see Mickey Mouse when he needed the toilet!!

"The idea of a lift the flap sex ed book made me snort like a 12 year old."
If I said "vaginal lids" would anyone get the reference?

We're the same. Dd knows about the eggs (she thought the sweets she ate would get shared with the eggs). I told her that she looks like me because she came from my egg. I could see the cogs turning because ds looks so much like DH so I know the next question is coming. I'll probably vaguely introduce the tadpole bit of the story and pray she doesn't ask how they get in there.

I have the same with my nearly 4 year old she wants to know absolutely everything. I told her the truth. Mummy's have eggs daddy's have sperm, they merge together and a baby is grown. We have already covered periods and where babies grow and how they are born. She just wants to know everything all the time. Once I've given her the answers she may mention it a few times then it's off to the next thing. She did fixate on birth for a while as she says she doesn't want a baby because it must hurt. It's the only time I lied and said only a little a bit and not for long 

Oh my god I think I'd die if my niece started asking me them questions at four hahaha. My dss is 11 and I cringe when he asks me stuff. I do of course tell him and all the while I'm dying of embarrassment inside. I talk to him about the female aspects DH does the male aspects. It's difficult for my dss to grasp I don't have a womb but have embryos ready for implanting in a surrogate it he just thinks that is too weird and his future sibling will be a I quote "test tube weird freezer baby" haha gotta love kids !

Nomad86 and adviceonthepox - yes it's not that you don't want them to know or are too embarrassed to tell them ... (like i say i managed fine with 1 2 and 3).

It's just that DD4 is so LOUD about her learning. She happily talks to anyone and everyone we come across and will chat about what ever she and i have recently been chatting about. She'll dredge up old convos totally out of the blue.

I can easily see the scenario of some random little old lady trying to admire DD4's shoes being asked about sperm! I mean that wouldn't be the actual end of the world obviously - but I guess while she's this young i'm wary of saying 'we don't talk about this with strangers' in case she confuses it with 'sex is shameful'. Y'know? So i'll have to brave that one out. I think my older ones were older when they started to ask, and were much less into oversharing. I don't know!

Bertrand i think i'm with you

DogMamma well done for tackling explaining IVF at the same time!