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AIBU?

Oh my godddd help me get my evenings back 😭

61 replies

RunningWhileTheWorldBurns · 25/10/2018 19:59

Two daughters. Ages 4 and 1.

Four year old - requires me to read her stories and the lie on her bed until she falls asleep. I do this every single night. She takes the utter mick. Tosses and turns and chats etc so I’m lying there till gone 9pm and my night is as good as over. Hysterical when I suggest that we change this pattern.

One year old. Hell raiser. DH deals with her of an evening. Needs rocked till she’s sleeping. Will fight sleep till the very end. Process can take hours. DH is out tonight and I have rocked and rocked her but she is just fighting me. I have put her down in her cot for a breather (wanted to see if she would self settle - she does in nursery for the record ) and she is pacing her cot singing.

Four year old DD is crying because I’m refusing to lie on her bed til one year old pisstaker is asleep. Both beyond exhausted by the way.

I can’t take this any more. Please helpp

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Blanchedupetitpois · 25/10/2018 20:03

God you poor thing. I think you probably need to enforce a new routine on your 4yo even if she strenuously objects to begin with. She’s probably old enough to be left alone after a story and a cuddle and then firmly retuned to bed when she gets up after that. even if it’s much worse in the short term she’ll hopefully soon learn to get on with it?

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BirdsInTheAttic · 25/10/2018 20:03

Oh god! No real advice, but similar ages here and that sounds very familiar. Sending strength!

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Sickoffamilydrama · 25/10/2018 20:03

Sorry no help I'm sat in my 2 DS room thinking fucking ground hog day again....he messes about no matter what I do.

To add to it my older kids keep saying we never get to spend time in the evening with you making me feel really guilty.

My solution is duct tape him to the bed...but I've run out of tape Wink ( I am joking ...mostly)

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continuallychargingmyphone · 25/10/2018 20:05

I think you need to be a lot firmer OP and I’m saying that kindly, believe it or not.

She is four. What she wants doesn’t come into it.

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hidinginthenightgarden · 25/10/2018 20:07

My kids sleep to the sound of audio CDs. DS one was a nightmare and just like your DD. When DD was on the way (he was 3/4) I decided we had to change things and we tried audio and it worked a charm. Record yourself reading their favourite book maybe?

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Sickoffamilydrama · 25/10/2018 20:07

The only thing keeping me going is I have older kids and I know one day... hopefully soon this stage will be over!

Then you get to the drag heels before bed stage of I just need to see if I can walk to the bathroom slower than a snail, then rearrange my bed 50 times then get changed realllllllly slowly.

I'm sorry it does get better honest Halloween Grin

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TheyBuiltThePyramids · 25/10/2018 20:08

A story cd for 30 mins used to get dd asleep when she was small.

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tinatsarina · 25/10/2018 20:08

I've only got one but he wants me to do stories then hold his hand until he's asleep. Doesn't ask daddy to do it when I have to go out though.

I'd say change the 4 year olds routine maybe if it with the baby long enough 4 year old will eventually drift off

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autumnnightsaredrawingin · 25/10/2018 20:08

I feel for you OP. Bedtime routines when they just won’t sleep are HARD. Consistency is key, though. Do they share a room? If not, you want the 4 year old to think she’s being a big girl by being allowed to stay up ‘later’ than her baby sibling- I used to do this with my two. Older one would get a treat of some kind, could be iPad, a few episodes of favourite TV program on the sofa downstairs whilst I put the baby to bed. On the understanding that if she had this, she would get her own ‘mummy time’ when the baby was asleep, (uninterrupted stories, a chat and cuddle and then sleep). She’s old enough to understand that bedtime is bedtime. I used to do ‘jobs’ around her room, then gradually move my ‘jobs’ to my room and say I’ll come and check on you etc.

1 yr old needs a consistent bath, story and bottle (if still having) in cot and leave type routine I would say! Obviously don’t leave them to cry but I’d do the resettle approach (without picking up!) Good luck.

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Laiste · 25/10/2018 20:09

I have put her down in her cot for a breather (wanted to see if she would self settle - she does in nursery for the record ) and she is pacing her cot singing.

That's ok. She may well self settle. If it goes quiet just check on her in a bit to make sure she's comfy/covered up ect. I found routines changed gradually with that age group. Good phases and bad phases.

The four year old - she's at negotiation age. Is there something you can replace yourself with? Like a lamp with stars she can leave on and watch? Is there something she really likes doing which you can bribe her with? ''Lets cuddle for 10 mins tonight and if you're a good girl and let mummy go downstairs we'll do/see/eat x,y,z tomorrow''. Sort of thing.

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Fridaydreamer · 25/10/2018 20:09

3 or 4 nights of forcing the change and older DD will start to accept it. Likewise start working on change with younger DD now so that she can learn to self settle better at home like she does at nursery.

Your choice is short term nightmare of enforcing a new routine versus long term as you are right now.

Harsh I know but that’s the truth.

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Singlenotsingle · 25/10/2018 20:10

Yes you've got to get the 4 go to toe the line. No more lying on her bed telling her stories, and no discussing it with her. Just tell her it's sleep time now. It might be a bit easier now the night are drawing in. Otherwise, how long is this going to go on? 6? 7? 8?

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BiologyMatters · 25/10/2018 20:10

So what if the younger one is wandering around her cot singing? Leave her to it! She'll fall asleep eventually! With the older one I'd enforce a new bedtime routine. Two or three stories, whatever you want, then gradual retreat with sticker charts for going to sleep without a fuss.

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RunningWhileTheWorldBurns · 25/10/2018 20:11

Honestly I feel like all I do is nag and rush them but OMG there just aren’t enough hours in the day and it’s all so stressful.

I feel dead guilty about four year old. She’s a sensitive soul and I know she enjoys the time we lie together. I do too, to a point. We read her books and it’s when she tells me things. I can lie there till eight but when it’s 9pm and I haven’t even eaten yet...

DD2 is now moaning and (by the sounds of things) kicking fuck out of her cot.

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CottonTailRabbit · 25/10/2018 20:16

So what if one year old is pacing her cot singing? Leave her to it. Sod the rocking.

I recommend a book by Elizabeth Pantley (not a made up name honest). "No Cry Sleep Solution."

Your four year old knows you cave to hysterics. You don't want her to know that or you are screwed forever, especially when she is 14. Get through a few days of horrific tantrums with everyone's sleep disturbed without caving and you'll have a much much easier time thereafter.

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Laiste · 25/10/2018 20:16

What time are you starting their routines? While you gradually shorten DD4s routine can you start it a little earlier?

ie: start 30 mins earlier plus cut it down 30 mins = an hour extra to yourself!

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lms2017 · 25/10/2018 20:17

My little one is 2.5 and i have to sit next to him all lights are off its pitch black , if he starts sitting up and messing about I firmly say "Lay down , or mummy will go out he soon lays down , any talking he does I dont respond in a convo I just say bed and sleep and ge lays down within 5-10 mins he is asleep. I usually take my phone in put the light really dim and hide it under the bed until he drops off. ( doing this now).

We have always followed the same routine with him bath at 7 , little play in room soft light on then kiss , cuddle and into bed.

Sometimes he tries it and asks for juice sometimes he just keeps sitting up asking for a tickle ... I do that then say bed and he is gone x

I think routine is key and for changing it i would let them have a toy of their choice they can hold in bed and just dont engage in convo with them. Just repeat bed or I am going out .

Worked for us , however everyones different.

Oh and with the rocking , we brought a Ewan dream sheep and life was bliss ! We cut the rocking down so rock then put down let cry for 5 seconds , do same then 10 seconds etc x

We compromised with the 5 mins in his room we can deal with 5 mins :) he does go to sleep on his own too but we like watching him fall asleep x
Good Luck xxx

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WTFdidwedo · 25/10/2018 20:18

I have two under 2 and for almost two years now, bar a brief period when I went back to work between babies, I have spent every evening in a child's room til 9pm. It's doing my fucking head in.

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Dermymc · 25/10/2018 20:19

Why are you not leaving the 1yo? She's pacing the cot, leave her and relax.

Get tough on the 4yo.

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tootiredtospeak · 25/10/2018 20:19

Yeah new routine required start with the 4yr old. Now your a big girl you get to choose 2 stories to read and then calming music or a musical teddy bear to cuddle. Be consistent if she comes out of bed then calmly say, back in its bedtime then after that no conversation just put her back in bed. For the one year old I would do similar and then just leave to pace the cot ect. I would stagger bedtimes so 1 year old at 7 4 year old 7.30 to 7.40. Its hard when youve fallen into a rut. Ive been there done that with my now 17yr old who is still a crap sleeper. My 2yr old and 6yr old are so much better as ive been firm caring and consistent. They still have the odd rubbish night but its rare.

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chickenfeathers · 25/10/2018 20:21

Poor you - it must be exhausting.

Firstly, your one year old self settles at nursery, so she can do it at home. When my three were little, they had a musical cuddly toy in bed with them. I would put this on, lie them down to sleep, then sit on the floor a short distance from their bed. Don't interact or make eye contact with them. The next night I would do the same but sit a bit further away. I did this until I was at the door. If they stood up I would like them back down, then return to where I was sitting.

Alternatively, put them to bed, then potter quietly around their room tidying up etc whilst they settle.

This will give them the comfort of you being there, but will allow them to self settle. It may take a while the first few times, but the time will gradually reduce.

Also, if the little one is teething, try Anbesol liquid - again it worked wonders for my three.

Good luck - hope this helps. Flowers

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Spiderdemon · 25/10/2018 20:22

Feel for you - mine similar ages and they have a routine but it's still hard and takes ages.
Would the 4 year old be amenable to a sticker chart? 5 sticker spaces for staying in bed that night, then a treat (new Disney film or toy or whatever she likes?)

One - is it one as in 13m or one as in 22m? I think it makes a difference. If nearer the older end I would do staying in, going out & coming back again- quite a slow process over a few weeks. If only just 1 i would probably tough it out a few months and focus on 4yo.

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QueenofmyPrinces · 25/10/2018 20:26

Currently sitting outside the bedroom door of my 4.5 year old who has been pissing around for about 45 minutes now. He’s up and out of bed constantly and he’s driving me around the bend!!!

Thankfully the 1 year old is easy to put to bed.

You have my sympathies OP!!

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RunningWhileTheWorldBurns · 25/10/2018 20:28

DD1 has fallen asleep. I’m going to build on this and break this routine over the weekend.

DD2 - did what she always does when I optimistically put her down awake in her cot, sure she’ll eventually fall asleep. Starts off singing and laughing. Eventually works herself up into a crying frenzy. I don’t want to leave her to cry so back to rocking again. She is so tired she can barely keep her eyes open but she’s screaming and pushing me because she knows if I rock her she will eventually fall asleep.

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RunningWhileTheWorldBurns · 25/10/2018 20:29

She’s 15 months

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