Caught 16 yo daughter smoking!

[Martind12]

my oldest daughter DD15 is a generally well rounded normal teenager. She does well in school has a good social circle of friends and we have a great relationship.
However i came home the otherday to discover her smoking a cigarette in the garden. She tried to lie and say she was just trying her first and only cigarette.
However the confident way in which she was smoking it plus the 20 packet and lighter on the table told me this wasnt a one off thing. She eventually admitted she has started smoking as of last month!!
She is the most unlikely of girls you would expect to pick up a smoking habit, generally a sweet innocent girl. She is health conscious and there’s no new boyfriend on the scene either.

She isn’t concerned about trying to stop smoking, says she is addicted, enjoys it and that it takes the pressure off from school. I’ve said she has to be open about it from now on, smoke in the garden etc and tell the whole family etc. Ive stopped her pocket money and some of her priveledges. I realise i cant physically make her stop so I feel like the only way to get through to her is to make her feel embarrassed by her behaviour, is that wrong?

I started smoking at 14. My mum found out and stopped my pocket money, that meant I had no money to buy any and it definitely slowed me down. I'd be against letting her smoke in the garden. If you don't like it then she shouldn't be doing it under your roof or garden. Again that will take away opportunity. Hopefully she'll get sick of it like I did but don't make it easy for her, it's a crappy habit.

If you stop her smoking in your house/garden, then be extra vigilant in ensuring that she isn't having a sneaky fag out of the window 

It's unfortunately a common faze which even the "good kids" try. I would cut out the pocket money to make it much harder for her. Of course she may get cigarettes from other people but that will probably fizzle out due to the cost. I don't notice so many teens smoking these days so hopefully it will just be a quick act of rebellion that ends soon!

I wouldn't kick up too much of a fuss if I'm honest OP. You can't physically stop her, and is it really the fight you want to have?
Tell her how horrified you are, sure, and make sure she knows how bad for her health and how expensive it is. Tell her you don't like it, and about the skin damage, yellow teeth and that she'll smell bad to others. And then ignore it.
If you found her, she didn't care about your reaction in the first place. She would have hidden it better otherwise.

If she wants to smoke, she will find a way. No matter what you say or do.

It's not illegal for them to smoke or to buy cigarettes, it's illegal for the shop to sell them.
Dd has older friends who get them for her.

I'd get her a vape, & X number of refills of each strength of the liquid until she's down to zero. Then nothing, so she'd better quit. And stop any pocket money until she's quit. (Maybe bank it for her as a reward for successfully stopping.)

Oh good grief! Who takes up smoking in this day and age 🤢

Good luck to mine if they ever start, I’ll kill them 😂
Seriously though i would cut off her money, do not let her smoke in the garden, do you really want her fag butts everywhere???
I would also be banning fag breath in my house.

No ones allowed in my house if they smell of fags. No way. It’s vile!

Oh come on.
Yes, it's a bloody stupid thing to do but it's not drugs or anything criminal.
You'd more or less cut your children off/throw them out for smoking?
Really?

Thank goodness you didn't use that homophobic offensive F word in your post, OP, even if others did.

I wouldn't allow my daughter to smoke, either. Not even in the yard. I'd make her leave the perimeter. Yeah, strict, but it may be a way to discourage her. Anything that may discourage, is good. It is a horrible thing, and there are ghastly tv ads from many countries on YouTube you could download and show her.

@ffiffime that's useful. Great practical advise there

It's not an offensive homophobic word in the UK.
It's something that cigarettes are commonly called.
In the North East of England, they are known as tabs.

I smoked from about 17 up to about 25 (they were only £3.50 a packet in those days!). My parents were not impressed and told me so but despite feeling guilty it didn't stop me. It took me meeting my now DH, who's a non-smoker, to quit (although that was also the summer of the ban in pubs which put a bit of a downer on it!).

As frustrating as it is, it's unlikely she will quit just because you tell her how much you don't want her to. Do what you can to limit where/how but apart from that I think it's a case of playing a waiting game.

*how much you don't want her to smoke, I mean!

The term 'fag' for cigarette precedes the slur considerably. The etymological roots are entirely different. It's not homophobic to say you're smoking a fag.

Back on the topic...I'd take away her pocket money and ban her from smoking in the house or the garden. Point out she stinks. She's not a very smart kid if she's taking up smoking.

Cut off her access to money. Stop pocket money, close her bank account or take her debit card, cancel her EBay account or whatever she may use. Sure she can still get them but not that many for free from other friends surely.

Apart from the fact that this website is global, not just in the UK, I remind you the N word is not an offensive word in many other countries either, it mainly has origins in America. That doesn't mean in this day of the internet that we don't know it is offensive. It is DEEPLY offensive to many in the gay community and it has been for decades. I know the UK can be very old-fashioned, I hadn't heard that word for 3 decades, since I was a little girl, until I came on here, I was surprised people were still even using it. However when you one is realises the word is considered not just something from half a century ago hence obsolete, but deeply offensive to many people, usually one aims to not use it any more.

The history and etymological roots of the N word also stem from a colour shade, it wasn't originally offensive, either.

You're right, you can't stop her but I'd not be allowing it in my garden either, she can go elsewhere. I'd also massively cut down on pocket money and buy her essentials for her and limit her access to cash. Silly girl. Hopefully it's just a faze OP.

Stop being ridiculous Salem. You’re derailjng the thread to be petty.

I started smoking at this age and became very devious when it came to hiding it from my parents! (Who obviously must have known...I must have smelled terrible). 🙄 eventually I bought one of those very early vapes that looks like a cigarette - the nicotine in that was strong enough to put me off and I totally quit. But it was my choice and parental enforcement would have had zero effect. I also cadged 90% of my cigs in the early days so cutting pocket money wouldn’t have worked!!

Oh really? Derailing to be 'petty'? You realise that is how African Americans were treated when they first started protesting about the N word? How proud you must be to think a homophobic slur is ok, just because, you know, it is history and a term used in UK. It doesn't make it right. This is 2018. There is absolutely no reason to use this word.

I smoked as a teenager from the age 13/14 all of my friends did as well, hopefully she will stop tho

What a wally.

Salem is obvs nuts. Fag is a perfectly acceptable word for cigarette in the uk and this is a predominantly uk site with the highest number of members here it makes full sense uk words would be used. Also the word fag is used in perfectly understandable context here. So bore off being silly.