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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I right in being slightly annoyed?

270 replies

RottenTomatoes959 · 25/10/2018 09:29

For reference I am Irish living in Ireland.

I took DS to soft play over the weekend and got chatting to an English woman who was there with her DD.
Her DD starting having tantrum as 3 year olds tend to do and she starting laughing and joking with me over her throwing " a paddy".

Maybe she didn't understand the negative connotations of it but using this phrase to an Irish person in Ireland is a bit bloody stupid.

She ended up taking her DD and leaving so I didn't say anything but I wish I did.
Do I have right to be slightly annoyed by this?

OP posts:
LuckyDiamond · 25/10/2018 11:59

Are Irish/Scots a different race from the English these days?

Tortoisecharlie · 25/10/2018 12:00

I do have to say though, that many Irish people are very unwelcoming to blow ins. I’ve lived there and that’s my experience. Lots of racism, clannish behaviour that actually shocked me. Much more so than my experience in England. Although it might be that I was in areas where it is quite insular, and I’m sure there are other insular places in England.

However I think that is another issue. We should still stop saying paddy to describe a strop surely, whether we are Irish or English?

OhDoGrowUp · 25/10/2018 12:02

People are going to keep saying it, it's a phrase many know and many use.

But not where the op lives. So she was a bit surprised and slightly annoyed to hear it. I would have been too. SLIGHTLY annoyed to hear he phrase and a bit surprised to hear it in Ireland especially as we don’t tend to use the phrase, where I’m from at least. I can’t speak for the whole country. I don’t think that means I should have to hide away because I find something which is slightly offensive... slightly offensive.

It’s not a crime, but I’m glad the op pointed it out on here as I don’t like the phrase. No it isn’t life changing stuff and not a massive deal but who says it has to be? It’s still good to discuss and consider one another a bit more. I’m always happy to learn about this stuff, including if the offence is caused by a different nation or group than any of the ones I belong to. It’s plain weird to me that anyone would say “I don’t care if it offends you, I like saying it so I’m gonna”. Ick.

OhDoGrowUp · 25/10/2018 12:03

Caused TO a different nation...

Santaclarita · 25/10/2018 12:06

It's used all the time here. I don't know many people that don't use it. You probably say things that offend other people, might even offend me although I doubt it. Your views might be offensive to other people, are you going to stop saying them just because of that? I wouldn't expect you to. You're a different person and if someone offended me, I just wouldn't associate with them. It's as simple as that.

OhDoGrowUp · 25/10/2018 12:09

If I found out that a phrase I used was, (unknown to me), offensive to another nation or group, then yes of course I would stop using it.

My views are different to other people’s yes, but I can voice my opinion in a way which isn’t offensive. It’s called being a civilised grown up.

IStandWithPosie · 25/10/2018 12:10

You probably say things that offend other people

I do, I have opinions on abortion, self ID, trump that people disagree with. but a lazy stereotype about a nation, or a sex, or a race, or a sexuality for no reason other than “everyone else round here says it”? No. And if I unknowingly used such a phrase and wasn’t told it was offensive I wouldn’t use it again. It would be incredibly arrogant to do so, wouldn’t it?

IStandWithPosie · 25/10/2018 12:11

was told it was offensive.

Juells · 25/10/2018 12:12

I'm saying if you're going to be shocked by these kind of things then you should hide away. People are going to keep saying it, it's a phrase many know and many use.

Never heard it until I lived in England for a while, and have seen it used by English people online.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/10/2018 12:12

Bluenose, a rangers fan. Slang term rangers fans use amongst themselves
Can be pejorative or self identifying, depending on how it’s used

Sweaties, never heard that in my life

OhDoGrowUp · 25/10/2018 12:13

Oh I see. Why blueNOSE though? I get that they wear blue. What have noses got to do with anything?

nicebitofquiche · 25/10/2018 12:14

People call me a sweaty. Sweaty socks=jocks. I think it's funny.

flamingofridays · 25/10/2018 12:15

I am English living in England and had absolutely no idea it was offensive, she probably didn't either,

so whilst Yanbu to be offended because now you've explained I can see how it could be, you kinda are bu because she probably had no idea either and didn't mean it at all offensively to anyone

Bluntness100 · 25/10/2018 12:15

If I found out that a phrase I used was, (unknown to me), offensive to another nation or group, then yes of course I would stop using it

Have you not read the thread? Was it too hard when getting on your high horse. Plenty of Irish on here not offended by it, do they not matter?

And if it does go back to William of Orange as suspected then throwing a paddy would be an admirable thing.

IStandWithPosie · 25/10/2018 12:16

In fact I have used lazy stereotypes as a child/teenager raised in a republican family. Everyone around me did. When I realised what they were and what they meant I stopped (not all at the same time, it doesn’t happen all at once, it’s a slow process, one phrase at a time) I was very pleased the day my son cheered on the “Great Britain” flag at the Olympics. Why? Because it meant he wasn’t raised with the same hatred and bigotry of what that flag represented that I was. It meant I broke the cycle.

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 25/10/2018 12:17

Most of us do not know the derivation of any of the words that we use. Greek, Latin, Hindi, Arabic, proto-Indo-European... And most of us don't care in the slightest, because derivations really don't matter. What matters is the meaning and associations of the word as it is used here and now.

OhDoGrowUp · 25/10/2018 12:21

Have you not read the thread? Was it too hard when getting on your high horse. Plenty of Irish on here not offended by it, do they not matter?

Of course they do. But if, for example, I had been using the phrase p**i shop to describe a local shop, (I wouldn’t btw, but I once heard someone say this and was a bit Hmm). If I then came on here and lots of Pakistani people came on too and some said they found it offensive while others said they didn’t find it offensive at all. For the obvious choice would be to avoid the phrase.

I’m not hurting anyone by NOT using it you see.

OhDoGrowUp · 25/10/2018 12:22

For me, the obvious choice...

BertrandRussell · 25/10/2018 12:24

“Have you not read the thread? Was it too hard when getting on your high horse. Plenty of Irish on here not offended by it, do they not matter?”

But many are. You’re surely not suggesting that the ones who aren’t would be offended if people stopped using it? Grin

It’s nor a big deal. There are a lot of words. Why use words that might upset someone if there is a perfectly acceptable alternative? Not a hill to die on.

OhDoGrowUp · 25/10/2018 12:25

Won’t somebody think of the people who aren’t offended by the phrase? We must all start using it DAILY! Just in case.

Trots off on very, very high horse, tail a-swishing.

OhDoGrowUp · 25/10/2018 12:30

And anyway, even objectively, once it’s explained to people, surely it’s obvious that it’s a potentially offensive phrase?

Again, it’s no huge deal, but even objectively, using a word which is the same as the word for a nation of people to describe aggressive, irrational behaviour, is a wee bit offensive no?

OhDoGrowUp · 25/10/2018 12:31

Or potentially offensive I should say. Not all Irish people will find it offensive.

MistressDeeCee · 25/10/2018 12:33

It's derogatory ie Irish people are ignorant, can't control their temper & love a fight.

It really seems in these times tho you're supposed to let casually done offensive stereotyping go. All under the banner of 'everythings so PC nowadays' & 'I/they didn't know/mean it'

It's disingenuous.

A good friend of mine is Irish. Went on a 1st date with a guy recently (OLD) & upon discovering she was Irish he said 'OMG I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of you after you've had a drink'

She doesn't drink - & he was offended that she was offended as 'its only a joke'...!

Gingerrogered · 25/10/2018 12:37

Bluenose is an insult towards Protestants which long predates Rangers.

Gingerrogered · 25/10/2018 12:38

You see? Lots of people use words which have dubious origins. Even the Irish.