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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I right in being slightly annoyed?

270 replies

RottenTomatoes959 · 25/10/2018 09:29

For reference I am Irish living in Ireland.

I took DS to soft play over the weekend and got chatting to an English woman who was there with her DD.
Her DD starting having tantrum as 3 year olds tend to do and she starting laughing and joking with me over her throwing " a paddy".

Maybe she didn't understand the negative connotations of it but using this phrase to an Irish person in Ireland is a bit bloody stupid.

She ended up taking her DD and leaving so I didn't say anything but I wish I did.
Do I have right to be slightly annoyed by this?

OP posts:
Ifailed · 25/10/2018 09:52

Choosausa The origins of the word and its use are of a racist portrayal of Irish men, its not 'PC' for an Irish person to be offended by it's use, especially in their own country!
You'll be telling us next that its OK to refer to black people as niggers, as niger is just the Latin word for black.

3timeslucky · 25/10/2018 09:59

Also Irish living in Ireland and haven't ever heard it (so maybe only used in the UK?) But I did grow up in a world where people regularly threw "a mickey fit" ... presumably similar origin?

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 25/10/2018 10:02

My parents used to use it when I was little and I grew up just thinking it was the word for tantrum. I haven't used it as where I live now it's not in common usage. But it had never ever occurred to me to research the origin! I wouldn't use it now I know though

cjt110 · 25/10/2018 10:04

My mum once called someone's baby bonny and she said the woman was aghast and stomped off. Turns out where she was it meant ugly and not pretty.

People use words that mean different things in different places and unless used in anger or blatantly with negative connotations, people need to understand this and get a grip.

Choosausa · 25/10/2018 10:05

Ohdogrowup and ifailed.. That's the whole point. Phrases aren't always used as per their correct origins like I said. Maybe people need to let things go over their heads a little and realise this.
We're not all out to offend. I why the hell would I be saying next that using the word Nigger was OK as it's origins derive from the word Niger. That in itself is offensive to imply that of me. Seems people just want to make something put of nothing these days. Common sense needed.

OhDoGrowUp · 25/10/2018 10:06

I think Bonny means fat in some places too! I’ve never heard of it meaning ugly...

But Paddy is slang for Irish. Surely that’s fairly obvious?

timeisnotaline · 25/10/2018 10:07

I’m irish Australian, as in Australian of Irish origin and people use it here, no idea it might be offensive.

OhDoGrowUp · 25/10/2018 10:08

But choos, she wasn’t mortally offended. She said she was “slightly annoyed”. It didn’t ruin her day and she didn’t challenge the other woman to fisticuffs Grin!

I’m glad she started this thread though, as, though it certainly isn’t the worst thing to say and it isn’t a crime, it’s good that people know it’s a bit offensive now; several people on here have now said they won’t use it. Isn’t that good?

beccii161016 · 25/10/2018 10:11

I don't think YABU in your feelings about the word but the way you are talking about this other mother in my opinion is unreasonable.

She was so blasé about it

That implies that she knew she was saying something offensive and didn't care. I highly doubt she knew it was offensive in any way. As many others have commented, until I read your post, I thought that it was just another word for tantrum. I'm sure that's what she thought too. I doubt she was out to offend you.

Mymywhatnow · 25/10/2018 10:11

Hang on!! Mickey is offensive too? We always say “stop taking the Mickey”.

FML I’m running out of phrases!

OutPinked · 25/10/2018 10:12

I had no idea it was offensive. I am from Yorkshire and it’s commonly used here.

Original poster
RottenTomatoes959 · 25/10/2018 10:13

@choos as OhDoGrowUp said I wasn't outraged or disgusted. I was slightly annoyed. And I also said maybe she didn't know the negative connotations.

I in no way think she personally set out to insult or offend me, but it is an offensive phrase and i don't see the harm in letting people know that.

OP posts:
Rebecca36 · 25/10/2018 10:13

I thought it was something to do with needing a padded cell!

Honestly, the expression has so many connotations you can't be sure what the woman meant - probably nothing. I haven't heard it for years, people of my parents generation used it sometimes.

IStandWithPosie · 25/10/2018 10:16

Oh how i LOVE these threads. Always great to hear all the reasons why Irish people should just shut up already and how people have a right to be offensive if they’ve used a phrase all their lives because it’s just too.much.effort to think of a different phrase.

Never change MN Hmm

Everanewbie · 25/10/2018 10:18

There are also mental health connotations with 'going mental' or 'you'd be mad to miss out' etc. etc. I don't think its healthy to dissect every idiom and find offense where none is meant.

3timeslucky · 25/10/2018 10:20

*Hang on!! Mickey is offensive too? We always say “stop taking the Mickey”.

FML I’m running out of phrases!*

I don't know tbh ... but a Mick and a Paddy would be one and the same thing, no? Like I said, I grew up (in Ireland) with people throwing a "mickey fit" (and also taking the mickey) but I find now people throw a fit and take the piss. Maybe that is a response to a realisation about the term?

Blanchedupetitpois · 25/10/2018 10:20

I had absolutely no idea this phrase had offensive origins, I’ve used it loads of times Blush I’ll know better from now on at least.

I don’t think it’s totally fair to be annoyed because I do think that it must have become removed from its offensive meaning for so many people to not know about it. But I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to let people know it’s offensive. I’d rather be told than go about offending people without realising.

IStandWithPosie · 25/10/2018 10:21

There are also mental health connotations with 'going mental' or 'you'd be mad to miss out' etc. etc.

Do you use those phrases??

NymanPerkins · 25/10/2018 10:22

I have used this phrase all my life (and I am very old). I have never referred to an Irish person as a paddy and never would, but I genuinely never made the connection that this phrase could cause offence. I am so sorry and I will never use it again. I don’t think it’s unreasonable or precious of the op to point this out. Well, live and learn,eh?

ReanimatedSGB · 25/10/2018 10:26

The trouble with pointing out to someone, however 'gently' that a phrase they have used with no intent to insult you, is now offensive, is that the other person immediately gets the impression that you are a precious, officious pain in the arse. This is even more the case if it's a word or phrase in very common usage that few people know has offensive, or potentially offensive, connotations.

It's partly because some people are precious, officious pains in the arse, and are always picking on someone else's choice of words to showcase how 'woke' they themselves are.

EdisonLightBulb · 25/10/2018 10:26

regularly threw "a mickey fit" ...

Gosh, we always said "having a Dicky fit", is Dick short for Richard?, is Richard an English name?, is this something to do with Richard the Lionheart, the military leader and warrior? Is this offensive to English people who are perceived as being aggressors?

I can't say the world has gone mad, help get me out of here!

PumpkinPie567 · 25/10/2018 10:26

Wow I did not know that is where it came from! I'll try to stop using it.. but I think YABU to assume that she knew that, I think it's really not well known at all that it means that. It's clear she wasn't intentionally being offensive or even thoughtless if she genuinely had no clue, like many of us on this thread.
YWNBU to have gently explained to her where it came from and why it might not be appropriate to use.

Ifailed · 25/10/2018 10:27

taking the Mickey has it's origins in the phrase "taking the Mickey Bliss" = Taking the piss.

I used to smile inwardly when my elderly Nan would quite happily call someone a Berk, not knowing it was a shorting of the the phase Berkshire Hunt.

spicedemerald · 25/10/2018 10:28

I’m Irish living in England and I use this phrase all the time, as do my family. I have always taken it to mean tantrum (which is one of its meanings in the dictionary) and that is how I use it-i do not use it as a derogatory term for an Irish person. I presume that your friend was also using it in this way so YABU.

OhDoGrowUp · 25/10/2018 10:28

reanimated

Nonsense. It’s only “in common usage” in certain parts of the British isles. Some people have never heard of it and many Irish people who do hear it find it offensive. If I said “oh no ds is throwing an English”, every time he was misbehaving, I bet you’d think I was a bit Hmm. Not evil, but definitely eyebrow raise-worthy.