AIBU to have taken DD (11) to get her legs waxed?

[toobusytothink]

They were very hairy and she has been begging me to let her shave for ages

toobusytothink, did you have issues finding somewhere that would wax a child so young? Just asking because my DD is younger than yours but with hairy legs. At the moment she thinks it’s funny that she’s hairier than the boys. She has some stick on google eyes she uses on her knees and gives them a little fringe...I’m aware this view might not last into secondary school.

user1499173618 I am all for girls removing any hair they want to, but they absolutely should not, just because other people say they are 'unaesthetic'. 'Wax all over'? what does this mean if they are already removing leg and underarm hair?

My philosophy was that if they were old enough to be bothered by something they were old enough to do something about it. Well done on listening to your DD OP.

@inmyshoos try this for facial hair, very good. There are youtube videos showing how to use them on the face
here

sorry, link again - www.amazon.co.uk/SHISEIDO-Piece-Prepare-Facial-Razor/dp/B004RDBUSM?tag=mumsnetforum-21

At the moment she thinks it’s funny that she’s hairier than the boys. She has some stick on google eyes she uses on her knees and gives them a little fringe...I’m aware this view might not last into secondary school.

She sounds fantastic and a bloody hoot. I hope it lasts until she's retired!

Epilator works out cheaper.

Epilator stung like anything the first time I used it but I feel barely a twinge now. Get her to try it again on the regrowth before it grows back too much, she'll probably find it ok.

I went to a very lovely place that did it with hot wax not strips and they patch tested her first etc. They obviously checked we were both certain wanted to have it done but otherwise no issues with her age.

I guess if I compare it to boob jobs etc - I do my legs (but only lower) bikini line and armpits but otherwise don’t wear make up or have any other treatments so in my eyes that’s where I draw the lie and what she sees as “the norm”

I'm only posing the question because intellectually it bothers me.

I completely agree with everything you're saying, @Ennirem, but in raising my daughter I'm calling on my own experiences because that's all I have. We speak regularly about kindness, about how it's OK to be different etc., and these things are important because she lives in a country where she looks different to those around her but in a way that's prized and makes her popular rather than bullied so I try to be very clear that she is valued for what's inside far more than her appearance.

Having not enjoyed the same in my childhood, I'm also working hard on instilling self-esteem, self-respect and confidence. I love the idea that she will grow up happy to challenge the pressure to conform and be comfortable with herself, however she turns out. However if she does not, I don't think forcing her to endure taunts and teasing at that stage of her life is going to help her become that thing.

I have grown more confident as I'm older but at 11, 12, 13 there was absolutely no way I could stand up for myself and every time someone criticised me I wanted to conform more rather than less. I don't see it as my job to turn out a good feminist, a good politician or good human rights campaigner. I want to help her become whatever she is comfortable being and I'm not saying I know how to do that, but I know that in my case being teased for having hairy legs because I wan't allowed to do anything about it was not going to turn me into anything good, ever. I shall tell her everything you are saying but I shall also give her the choice to do what feels right for her.

So much for free speech. MN is not what it once was.

People are missing the point in this thread I feel.

I was bullied horribly throughout my entire time at school and face/body hair just added to the list of reasons for people to pick on me (I had excess facial hair from about the age of 15...again, thanks PCOS).

The MOST important thing in all of this...feminist principles etc aside...(and I went to an all-girls' school so we were always encouraged that girls could do anything they wanted...and arguably other girls/women should have been more understanding of the face/body hair issue!)...is to BE HAPPY. Yep.

If getting rid of the excess face/body hair makes a girl/woman happier in herself then that is the MOST important thing. End of.

Good job it’s leg hair and not too fat/ too thin/ too short/ too tall/ wrong hair colour/ wrong accent etc

Woe betide you try and alter (or worry where it can’t be altered) about any of those...

I really notice the answers on the worried about (children or adult) being too fat or too short. They have to be body empowered and proud of themselves...

Good idea. I had very hairy legs at eleven and shaved them from that age. Funnily enough, once I was an adult the hairs were far less. Must be something to do with coming up to puberty.

Anyway, good for you. It's nice that your daughter takes some pride in her appearance and it is pleasant to have smooth legs. You'll have to take her back for waxing regularly though.

My DD had some upper lip hair at that age. She was very self-conscious about it and had it waxed a few times. It doesn't seem to trouble her any more now. Not sure if the waxing helped longer term or her hormones just settled down.
YANBU OP - just a thoughtful mother who wants her child to feel comfortable with herself.

And I make my comment, quite aware of the feminist principles outlined by some of the posters here (which I absolutely agree with). However, I think whilst we should be instilling these ideas into our girls (of loving our natural bodies), it's not fair to impose them on them at such a vulnerable age when their bodies are changing. To go au natural or to pander to society's desire to see women without body hair is something they can decide for themselves down the line maybe? It's an ongoing discussion to have as they are growing up perhaps.

Well given she had been asking persistently and isn’t that young I don’t see any issue. I am the first to say that suggesting any form of body modification whether temporary or not to appease bullies is bad parenting but if a child requests hair removal of their own accord and they continue to want it over a prolonged period of time then I just see that as respecting Heir bodily autonomy. Obviously it’s not ideal but you can’t expect an 11 year old to deal with bullying the way an adult would and so long as you aren’t adding pressure to do this I don’t seduce it can reasonably be perceived as wrong.

I wax people for a living. I wish more parents would make waxing a viable option to teens. I think it's seen as a bit of a taboo to inflict any pain on your child. As long as you haven't made her do it I really don't see the issue.

Thanks toobusytoothink I’ll book in a hot wax if it ever starts to bother her.
Indeed Ennirm :)

I'd have taught her how to shave them .

I think it's an absolute shame that she felt this way, and says a lot about our society, but I think you did the right thing. It is not for a young girl to take on the patriarchy!

I have no problem with waxing however find epilator a lot more painful so I tend to wax and in between do épilation which helps keep the cost down

@PavolvaFaith

I think it's seen as a bit of a taboo to inflict any pain on your child.

Ummm.... yes?

I think very few 11 year olds have the confidence to stand up for a feminist agenda! There's so much else to get to grips with...

I agree SharpLily. And I think it's unfair to ask them, especially when many adults feminists shave. Of course we should be building their confidence and self esteem. The OP has done this by listening to her daughter, who will be more confident in PE this week.

To me, hair removal is a very personal thing which is why I never set an age for it. DSD has been shaving for about a year and she's 14.