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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Engaged to DP after 5 months of dating...

279 replies

ButterflyRuns · 24/10/2018 23:46

Hi everyone. My DP and I have been seeing each other since May, and at my 37th birthday party this last weekend he proposed. I know he's the one for me (cliché I know), we've been inseparable and I'm moving in with him in November. We had discussed marriage, and due to my age want to start a family together sooner rather than later, (we both have no children). My family have been very supportive, but my Mum shared concerns that I'm rushing into it too fast and not seeing the full picture because of my desire to have children - I would like to have more than one child with him and start our family soon after our wedding which will be in the summer (hopefully). Has anyone else become engaged quickly and how did those around you react? I know people in my life probably think I'm crazy.

OP posts:
Rockbird · 24/10/2018 23:50

We were engaged within 3 months. No one around us batted an eyelid, which was strange looking back! My family are usually a load of fusspots Grin. Anyway, we've been together 20 years now. If it feels right, do it. Life is too short.

ThirdChildFourthPile · 24/10/2018 23:52

You just wanna tell everyone on Mumsnet you're engaged, admit it WinkGrinGrinGrin

Congratulations! FlowersFlowersFlowers

Original poster
ButterflyRuns · 24/10/2018 23:54

Thanks, Rockbird. It feels right and I know that there's no better time to do it - I can't wait forever, and we feel like there's no point dragging out our relationship. I think if I was 10 years younger things would be much different, but I feel like I don't have a lot to lose at this point in my life, I love him and I want nothing more than to have a family. We both have stable jobs and any children will be really loved.

OP posts:
Original poster
ButterflyRuns · 24/10/2018 23:56

Thank you ThirdChildFourthPile! Flowers I will admit I'm very excited about our engagement and wedding! I may have already started planning things. But hopefully others on here can provide some insight too

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PurpleFlower1983 · 24/10/2018 23:56

You’re more focused on what you want abc you know what’s right sooner when you’re older. Good luck to you both!

GhoulMythicalMoooaning · 24/10/2018 23:57

When you know you know.

Dickybow321 · 24/10/2018 23:59

I think I would just go for it in your shoes Grin. Congrats ! Xx

Fruitbatdancer · 25/10/2018 00:01

I clicked on this thread to see if you were my cousin who’s just gotten engaged after a whirlwind romance.

Your not so I’ll stand down. Her fiancé is a complete knob who none of us can stand (controlling, arrogant and obnoxious! -also a ‘cant get a job or else csa will steak all my money type knobhead)

If it feels right, do it!

Flightywoman · 25/10/2018 00:02

My husband proposed on our 4th weekend together - about 9 weeks after we met in person, and 4 months after we first exchanged emails. It was a total surprise as we hadn't discussed anything like that at all.

Yes. it was totally bonkers! Yes, it was absurdly quick! I said yes at once!

My friends were all a bit concerned.

We've been married 12 years.

Sometimes you have to leap into the void...

Congratulations!

Original poster
ButterflyRuns · 25/10/2018 00:03

Thank you everyone! I said this to my Mum (whos lovely don’t get me wrong) I think she’s just worried about her only daughter, because she does really like DP and would love for me to finally settle down.

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dingdongdigeridoo · 25/10/2018 00:06

Congratulations! Yes, it’s quick, but I think most of us know whether it’s right or not pretty early on.

Will you be living together for long before the wedding? Being in close quarters and going through the ups and downs of life is important. Make sure you have the big conversations like how many kids you want, money, careers, retirement plans etc. There are a lot of threads on here where people have been married for years and not discussed these things with their DH.

AriadnePersephoneCloud · 25/10/2018 00:06

Engaged within a couple of months, married within the year. Still very happily married. Sometimes it's not a question of time. I'd had longer relationships before I met Mr cloud, but something was different.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 25/10/2018 00:10

Congratulations. I am a firm believer in the 'when you know you know' maxim.

Met my DH end of March while on 2 week holiday, wrote/called for several months and returned Halloween, engaged Christmas Eve, Married two weeks later (issue of outstaying visa did put the marriage into a rush but not the engagement.) That was 38 years ago next week. Still love each other to bits.

Original poster
ButterflyRuns · 25/10/2018 00:13

Thank you dingdongdigeridoo I definitely knew it was right from when we began dating. He's a great man and I'm completely in lov with him. We'll be living together from next month and I'm aiming for the wedding to be in June, so about 8 months, which I think is definitely long enough. I didn't want the engagement to be short, because I do want to have a nice wedding (it'll still be a push to do it all in that) but touch wood. We've actually had a lot of the big conversations. We both want to have more than one child, so obviously not leaving it too late.

That's great AriadnePersephoneCloud that you're both still going so strong. I've had other long relationships too, I was in a two year relationship not long ago but it never felt right in the same way.

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Fucksgiven · 25/10/2018 00:13

God woman, get on with it. 22 years ago on Friday I married dh who I met 5 months before. We are still happy.

Original poster
ButterflyRuns · 25/10/2018 00:14

Thank you 2018SoFarSoGreat and congratulations on your long marriage! It's certainly proof that when you know, you know. My grandparents were the same, married at 17 and were together until my gramps passed.

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Original poster
ButterflyRuns · 25/10/2018 00:16

Congratulations on your anniversary Fucksgiven! I probably would get married straight away if it wasn't for my desire to have a nice wedding, and of course we want some time living together to prepare.

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Loonoon · 25/10/2018 00:17

I agree when you know, you know. I got engaged after 2 months, married after 14 months and I was only in my 20s. That’s over 30 years ago now.

Congratulations.

HeddaGarbled · 25/10/2018 00:19

I think you and everyone else knows that it’s your urgency to have a child that is making you rush into this.

5 months is still in the honeymoon period.

You will hit reality at about 1 year in. The romantic glow will dim and his flaws will be more glaring. The same will go for him and your flaws.

But that doesn’t mean it can’t work out long term. If neither of you are completely nasty, if you can accept that all relationships can be difficult at times, if there is enough affection and decency and common ground to carry you through the troughs, you stand as good a chance as any other couple. There are plenty of couples with longer run ups who get divorced.

DramaAlpaca · 25/10/2018 00:19

MIL & FIL got engaged six weeks after they met & were blissfully happy for 50 years. When you know, you just know.

Original poster
ButterflyRuns · 25/10/2018 00:21

Thank you for your honesty HeddaGarbled. I know that my desire to have children with a partner is a large part of this, but at the same time I know that it feels right and I wouldn't just marry anyone - I did last time and that only went and ended in divorce. I know that a marriage isn't easy at all, but I'm ready to give it everything and I feel like we are compatible and can make it work out in the long term. There's a lot of affection, and he's a great boyfriend (now fiancee) to me.

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Dickybow321 · 25/10/2018 00:23

If you were 25-30 I'd be advising caution and I'm pretty sure every one else would be too. But you're not spring chickens and you both seem to be on the same page. So go for it. If it goes wrong you'll be in the same situation those of us who did it younger and didn't rush it and still broke up are in. At least you have the chance of one or two children before it's too late and no regrets!

Sorry to be THAT person

Original poster
ButterflyRuns · 25/10/2018 00:25

Don't apologise at all Dickybow321, that's how I've looked at it too, but I think at 37 I know what my priorities are and when something seems right or wrong (sorry to keep being repetitive with that). As an unmarried 37 year old woman with no children I have nothing to lose, but a lovely husband and children to gain so I may as well go for it.

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Rebecca36 · 25/10/2018 00:27

Get married before next summer. Do it at Christmas or early new year.
I hope you have as many babies as you want!

CandyCreeper · 25/10/2018 00:27

personally i feel its way too soon only 5 months however im obviously in the minority as im always Shock at how quick people seem to move in/marry/ have children on this site.