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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to learn to drive Manuel?

309 replies

Lipsticktraces · 24/10/2018 20:19

Neither DH or myself drive. We’ve decided this ridiculous state of affairs cannot continue any longer and we are both currently looking to book lessons. I had my last lessons about nine years ago and DH last had lessons last year.

DH is a nervous driver and says that he really struggles with gears. He wants to book automatic lessons instead and I’m not happy about the fact for the following reasons...

It’s my understanding that automatics cost more to buy/drive/insure/repair. We don’t have much money for any of these things.

I’ve been told it’s hard to learn to drive an automatic after learning in Manuel (I intend to learn to drive Manuel)

If DH ever gets offered a job with a company car etc he’s going to be buggered.

Automatic lessons cost more and we are on a budget.

Aibu to want us to both learn to drive Manuel? DH point blank refuses at this point!

OP posts:
Luxembourgmama · 25/10/2018 14:15

You don't need to LEARN to drive an automatic if you drive manual you just get in and drive and I'm a nervous driver and i can do it. You're right that its a bit foolish to learn to drive automatic as its not really any harder to drive manual and then you've a manual licence and can drive both.

ZaZathecat · 25/10/2018 14:22

He should learn automatic if that suits him better. Lessons May cost more (though not in my experience) but he'll probably need fewer and will probably be a safer driver if less stressed.
Also, the driverless car is on its way, in a few years manual gears will be as useless as cassette tapes!

ErrolTheDragon · 25/10/2018 14:23

I don't understand why lessons in an automatic are more expensive than manual ... so, an automatic might cost the instructor more but I bet there's a saving in not having to replace knackered gear boxes. Unless it's to compensate for students needing fewer lessons... I'd be willing to take a bet that the overall cost of leaning to drive an automatic is cheaper than for a manual.

SunshineP · 25/10/2018 14:25

I think (unless you have an underlying issue) you should learn to drink a manual. If you can't figure out gears you shouldn't be able to drive. Sorry it's not rocket science.

Ipitythescale · 25/10/2018 14:38

I am about to start driving lessons, I will be doing them in an automatic. Gears are an unnecessary faff in my opinion. My husband's company car is an auto and he has said he'll never go back to manual. Automatic cars are the way forward with advances in hybrid/electric vehicles I think manuals will get used less and less. But whether you agree with that or not if your husband will feel more comfortable and confident in an automatic then why not support him? Surely it's better an automatic than nothing?

ZaZathecat · 25/10/2018 14:41

I don't think it's a case of 'not being able to figure out gears' Sunshine, and I say that as a manual driver, but people who are anxious may get on better without the extra worry of missed gears, hill-starts etc. I don't see why there should be any stigma about only driving automatics.

ForTheLoveOfDoughnuts · 25/10/2018 14:51

I learnt to drive a manual. I have had many company cars and I opt for a auto.

I actually own a auto and it's very cheap to run. I wouldn't know about repeats (tough wood)

yumyumpoppycat · 25/10/2018 14:58

Sunshine that's a bit much. That's like saying you shouldn't be allowed to have a computer unless you know how to programme it yourself. I am sure there is a better analogy! How does changing gears when it isn't actually necessary make you a better driver?

ErrolTheDragon · 25/10/2018 15:00

I drive a manual - but when I lived in the US I had, of course, an automatic. Piss easy to adjust to (the main thing is to only use one foot) even on the opposite side of the road. If I ever have to hire a car in Europe I'd choose an automatic.

TitOfTheIceberg · 25/10/2018 15:31

If you can't figure out gears you shouldn't be able to drive.

I'm dyspraxic. Operating the vehicle and having road sense & good judgement are two different things, and getting the second wrong is more likely to kill you / others than the first. I learned to drive in a manual because that's what was available where I grew up but having to expend brain energy on both things at the same time was a tortuous experience that often ended in tears, and always because of the physical gear-clutch coordination side of things.

I switched to an automatic as soon as I could and if you were a passenger in my car, you would not know how much I struggled as a learner. I'm now a confident driver who will happily drive anywhere, on any road. I've had one minor accident in 30 years of driving, never had any points. I can guarantee you that I am a better - as in safer and smoother - driver than many people wedded to their manuals.

OP, let your DH learn in whatever he feels comfortable in. It's not up to you to impose an ultimatum on him. A bad experience caused by persisting in a manual could put him off for good, and it's more important that he ends up able to drive something than nothing. Especially since, as others have said, automatics are the future and not the cars you think they are.

GabsAlot · 25/10/2018 15:31

n o moanella u dont need a manuel (!)to getgoing on the motorway i overtake people easily in my auto it does depend what one u get though

i have a gollf gti

GabsAlot · 25/10/2018 15:33

sunshine what bollocks like i said earlier does that mean americans and other such countries all shouldnt drive then?

GabsAlot · 25/10/2018 15:34

also i dont find drinking one helps me go faster

violetbunny · 25/10/2018 15:35

YABU. I only drive an automatic and it's literally never been an issue. My last 4 jobs have all had a company car and it's never been a problem.

shouldidoitspoilt · 25/10/2018 15:36

I still don't see why nobody pointed out how this would be seen as sexist controlling and bullying if her husband "wanted her to learn manual" because she was "nervous"

NotUmbongoUnchained · 25/10/2018 15:39

Two of my cars are auto and I much prefer driving them to the manuals.
One of them is actually a semi auto which even more magic.

Witchofzog · 25/10/2018 15:39

@shouldidoitspoilt I did a couple of pages back and I addressed it to you as well. I totally agree with you. If this were a man the op would be vilified now for being controlling.

shouldidoitspoilt · 25/10/2018 15:40

@Witchofzog oh sorry I didn't see it there are so many comments and I missed this

I can't believe all the people are offering advice on why the controlling behaviour is justified!!
Fucking mental

NeedAUsernameGenerator · 25/10/2018 15:43

YABU. Not everyone gets on with driving, if he feels more confident learning with an automatic then that should be his decision.

OlennasWimple · 25/10/2018 15:46

Moanella - most (all?) automatics have a type of manual function, so on those rare situations where you need to do something unusual it's possible to decide which gear you want to use. I've only used it a handful of times, such as driving across an icy car park or up a steep, gravelly slope where I didn't want the car to suddenly accelerate

If you whizz past a police car on a motorway, they will know that you were going well over the speed limit without you giving the game away by using your brake lights Smile

Witchofzog · 25/10/2018 15:47

@shouldidoitspoilt. I am completely with you on this. Aibu can be brutal but people have been too understanding and nice with this one. It is double standards and the op should not be allowed to dictate what type of car her husband who is nervous should drive. It's crazy behaviour

shouldidoitspoilt · 25/10/2018 15:55

@Witchofzog it's shocking and I can't believe anyone else didn't pick up on this.

My husband said to me to drive whatever I wanted so I went for automatic

All this crap about the engines bla bla bla
It's irrelevant when the point is she wants to push someone into something they don't want to do!
I don't even find the whole Manuel comment funny either. It has no humour in it given someone is being a bully basically. Positively biased sexism here I feel.

And finally. This is not worthy of classics.

Tighnabruaich · 25/10/2018 16:03

I learned to drive on an automatic and we've only ever had automatics. So much easier, and we have not found them to be problematic re costs, break downs, things going wrong.

Purpleartichoke · 25/10/2018 16:06

I’m sure this is regional, but here manual cars are practically nonexistent at this point. Computer controlled gears are more fuel-efficient than human controlled. Dh’s steering wheel isn’t even a physical steering wheel at this point. It looks like a wheel because that is what drivers are used to, but it doesn’t physically turn the wheels like in my older car, it sends a signal to have the wheels turn.

Micke · 25/10/2018 16:15

Brits are weird about this. I have a manual license, but now I'm old and lazy I only rent/buy automatic cars. It's just nicer.

If he's nervous and finds it hard, just get an automatic, let him learn on an automatic - these days it's really not a lot different in cost, and even if it is, I think it's probably worth it if someone's anxious about the gears.