To be upset?

[Blablablablablabla62]

Extension has fallen through. Means unable to have more DC. Which means mine will be essentially an only child and grow up quite lonely.

Same day we find this out we also find out DF court proceedings won't go ahead due to not qualifying for costs. Which means his EW will be able to ignore the court order in place even more.

Which means my DC will see their half siblings even less. And miss out on holidays and that with them. Until we can get the funds to take EW back to court again. And with her nature this will be a common theme.

I know I am being unreasonable to feel so down and stressed. But my DC is only a few months old and all I want is the best life for her. And I feel resentful that ex will have such an impact on her relationship with her siblings

Only children don’t necessarily grow up lonely. They will still make their own friends. And they benefit in ways children with siblings don’t - more time and attention etc.

Is the reason you think you can’t have more DC due to space? If so, remember children can share a room for years. Could you eventually afford an extension or a move to a bigger house if you made cutbacks?

I’m sorry about the ongoing court battle with the ExW over access. That sounds very hard. Could your partner represent themselves in court?

YABU to say that about only children. It's bollocks quite frankly but the rest of it YANBU.
Surely an extension is not the only solution. Also you don't say why it has fallen through, there may be a way to get what you want.
I think you are having a bad day so these are for you

I think you're very reasonable to be upset now, but the situation with your house can't be forever. Even if it is, it doesn't mean you can't have more DC just that the living arrangements will be different to you imagined. You'd cope, as most people do, if there was a "surprise"

Oh I know, it just isn't the life I wanted for her. I want her to have a close bond and memories with the siblings she already has for a start. And that will be difficult when they won't share a lot of family memories due to EW being difficult despite a court order in place already. The idea of her feeling lonely EOW when they go home is what kills me. It's always so quiet and sad when they leave but at least DF and myself have each other. She will feel so out of place and lonely when they go.

Plus later on in life she may feel like an odd part. The other two have each other and in turn koint experiences and memories. Then there will just be her.

I would be happy to have another DC and have our two share a room. But DF understandably doesn't think that would be right and could make his other two feel more left out. He wants a bedroom for all or not at all.

Personally despite understanding his perspective I think it's a silly position. It impacts on our DC daily life and in turn even my own purely on something out of our control.

SC are much loved. I adore them and we do all we can to make it clear we are one family together.

But with the EW and the idea of constant court battles and the impact that may have on my child it just kills me.

He does represent himself but its still 250 to go to court. Thankfully he no longer has to do mediation first as she never turns up.

But the idea of this being my DC life just hurts.

As much as I love my family and everyone in it, I must be honest I sometimes wish i had known all the implications before getting involved.

I fear my life choices will now hurt my baby in the future.

No idea why my paragraphs didn't show. Website is being weird on my phone and app is a bit rubbish it seems!

Sorry you're having a bad day and are upset but I think YABU. Your DD is only a few months old, of course she can have another sibling one day! I don't see why an extension would stop you. What's wrong with them sharing? A baby doesn't need a whole room to themselves! Many people all over the world have managed to have more than one DC for centuries without the need for an extension.

Sorry, I have an only child. She is not lonely or deprived. In fact because she is an only I have been able to do some things for her that she wouldn’t have had if she had a sibling. I appreciate you didn’t mean to be rude but I get really irritated that there is an assumption that only children have a second class childhood. Not true.

Why does not having an extension prevent you having more children? If your child is only a few months is there literally no chance of doing an extension at a later date?

Cross posted there. OP, in the nicest possible way, are you sure you're not suffering from PND? You seem to be projecting an awful lot of emotions onto your DD who is only a few months old and won't realise any of this. So much will change over the next few years, there is no reason to believe everything will still be the same when she reaches an age where she will even notice whether her step-siblings are there or not.

I would be happy to have another DC and have our two share a room. But DF understandably doesn't think that would be right and could make his other two feel more left out. He wants a bedroom for all or not at all.
This is just bizarre and totally unnecessary. I worry that you are in a negative spiral because you are creating problems where there don't need to be any.

OP, very gently, just because you can't have an extension doesn't mean that you can't have a child. That's a very drastic decision to take because of some building work. Or have I misunderstood?

He wants a bedroom for all or not at all.

So he either wants all children (half siblings etc) to share a room or none of them can?

Sorry but that's a ridiculous reason to not have more children! The other two share a house your child does not, they share a parent yours does not etc!

If you want another child, have one. Just because you can't have the extension there are other options available to you like them sharing a room or moving house if possible.

I didn't mean to offend therewas5. If I'm honest I wouldn't mind so much if she was purely an only child. It's the fact she will have her half siblings eow and then feel lonely and out of place the rest of the time that worries me.

I do agree that it will leave more funds to spoil all children and mean we are able to do a lot more. I just worry she will feel out of place. Although I suppose we could easily argue (and I seriously hope this isn't the case) that SC will feel out of place being the only children not related to us both when we are all together.

I agree that a baby doesn't need a room to themselves and personally I would be quite happy with both of ours sharing. It's my DF that has said that wouldn't be fair to his SC as it would make them feel cramped without the added space etc.

Personally I think that is a silly stance. Children in general don't need a lot of space, let alone whem it's only for EOW. And before he met me when they stayed they had even less room and done even less in general.

I just feel so frustrated and scared about what the future may bring. EW constantly causes drama which in turn affects time with the SC and will flat out ignore court orders.

I just want my DC to have a normal, stable life. Which includes holidays with her half siblings and not having our home life dictated by. I know part of the reason DF is scared about having another is the drama which will come from EW. As it did with our first. Including public posts about how she shouldnt be born etc. And no I wasnt the other woman. We met three years after they were divorced.

I'm just in panic mode into what I've brought my little girl into I think

It's probably all too raw for a rational discussion but atm but imo DF is being daft using this as absolute reason for no more DC.

It sounds like you currently have three DC between you and a bedroom for each child, so four in total? Which is a lot in most people's worlds. Surely most blended families can't provide a bedroom for every child, including those who don't live there full time?

With DSC only there every other weekend and (presumably) a bit older than your child. Your little ones can share while they're small, then the older ones share later. As they get older they probably won't often visit at the same time anyway, as they'll have their own social calendars.

I'm sorry you're feeling down but I don't really understand your position. I've an only child through choice, and she's never been lonely or deprived, she's always had loads of mates, in fact most families I know with more than one the kids aren't best buddies anyway, often then don't even like each other, but mainly they stick with their own friends.

She might be glad of the peace when her step siblings leave OP!

You can't second guess how your baby is going to feel. Things change all the time through childhood (and life) people adapt.

I am being treated for PND so maybe that is having a huge part in all of this.

I just have focussed all my energy on making sure all children in our family are happy and secure. To see the extension fall through and now the court again I just feel like I'm hitting my head against a brick wall. Especially as all that means in the future DC could be affected. And to know DF is being so stuck on they all need rooms or we can't have another. It's just ridiculous. If we all lived together sacrifices would have to be made. And I see no harm in two very tiny dc sharing a small room.

I'm an only child and i'm not lonely!

On the contrary, several of my friends have siblings that they hated growing up and do not speak to. Siblings don't guarantee happiness.

I don't plan on having any other children, my child won't be lonely.

You don't know that siblings would even get along, there's many who hate there's. I actually like mine but would have been a very happy only child.

Is it the time of year or something? This morning I was on a thread where someone is in a really shit marriage (verging on abusive) but wants to have another baby so their current child doesn't feel lonely or resent them later because they didn't give them any siblings. And now this one.

Seriously, do people really not stop and think that there are MILLIONS of only children across the world and that the vast majority do not resent their parents for not giving them a sibling? Or that an only child is automatically lonely? Do they think only children can't form friendships? Do they think that all siblings get on both as children and/or as adults?

Oh I do know I'm assuming the worst and as pp have said DC might even prefer the space when they go. I just know the impact it has on us when SC leave and how lonely/quiet/sad it all feels.

I'm worried she will feel that and then on top.of it all feel like she's an odd piece as they both have each other and then there's just her. Then later in life they will have lots of memories and bonds together while she won't.

I am very close with my sister so maybe I am just assuming she would be to. And christ the SC are amazing with her so it's likely they will all be close regardless of the lack of memories together.

I'm just down and worried/stressed. All I want is the best for them all and so far that seems like it wont happen. Poor SC are missing out on a lot with their dad. Including holidays that my parents have paid for us all that EW has refused. Despite court saying holidays should be allowed.

I know I'm rambling a bit now. I'm just overwhelmed.

Please can I stress it isn't about my DC being an only child that I have an issue with. I would have been happy with that if she didn't have half siblings. It's the loss of them and feeling out of place that worries me.

Nor is it the only reason I would like another DC. Seeing my SC play together etc is lovely and I would love to see that bond and things every day.

I miss my SC very much when they leave and love a busy loud house

I would be happy to have another DC and have our two share a room. But DF understandably doesn't think that would be right and could make his other two feel more left out. He wants a bedroom for all or not at all

That's not "understandable" at all. It actually makes no sense.

*theirs