To be upset?

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Extension has fallen through. Means unable to have more DC. Which means mine will be essentially an only child and grow up quite lonely.

Same day we find this out we also find out DF court proceedings won't go ahead due to not qualifying for costs. Which means his EW will be able to ignore the court order in place even more.

Which means my DC will see their half siblings even less. And miss out on holidays and that with them. Until we can get the funds to take EW back to court again. And with her nature this will be a common theme.

I know I am being unreasonable to feel so down and stressed. But my DC is only a few months old and all I want is the best life for her. And I feel resentful that ex will have such an impact on her relationship with her siblings

I have 3 siblings and we grew up with 2 having to share because we had 3 bedrooms between us. Trust me, nobody felt left out!! We ended up rotating over the years because nobody wanted to have to share and it would have been unfair if the same two had to share the whole time!!

I'm an 'only' with 4 half siblings and it's the best of both worlds. I have siblings I adore but had my mum's attention to myself most of the time. Win win.

Oh OP, I totally understand how it feels to be depressed and have negative thoughts and be much more susceptible to life's difficulties. You're right in the thick of it with a new baby, and it sounds like your DP doesn't even want to think about having another DC right now, especially as he's going through this unpleasant court case. That's probably why he's using that excuse about the bedrooms. Try to enjoy these precious moments with your beautiful DD and maybe revisit the idea to have another one in a year or so. Everything will have changed and it's quite possible your DH will be more open to the idea.

It's the fact she will have her half siblings eow and then feel lonely and out of place the rest of the time that worries me.
Or, she will hate every second they are they and be relieved when they are gone. Or will enjoy the time with them, enjoy the time without them, There are loads of scenarios that could happen, YABU in thinking the only outcoming is your daughter being traumatised by step-siblings coming and going once every two weeks.

Even if you had a sibling for her there is no guarantee they would get on.

Honestly, stop living so much in the future and enjoy the present.

He is very worried about rocking the boat and causing friction with EW I think. Having more DC without extending would mean things are a bit cosier. Which would cause EW to kick off about how unfair and selfish it was to have more yet not have more space.

With her constantly ignoring court orders and the like I believe he (and I am as well) is concerned this will have her refuse contact etc.

When DC was born we couldn't even tell SC she was, nor did we see them for three weeks.

Oh op, it's so hard to see things clearly when so many things go wrong at once. Can imagine how hard it is at the moment with pnd, the EW issues and a young baby. But maybe try not thinking about another baby for now. Focus on sorting issues with the EW and step dc. Then reassess where you are with the extension and another child in a few months/year when things have settled.

I am very guilty of worrying over the future I know. My pnd woman has said my brain works a million miles a minute and always comes up with the worst case scenario.

I suppose I should just be happy DC has so many around her who love and adore her. And two amazing half siblings that I know will be nothing but good to her.

I wonder if I'm more upset over the court thing being sent back again than anything else.

I can't promise she will be close and get along with her half siblings I know. But I want them all to have memories together and holidays and the like. Even just for my step children to have those memories with their dad.

Had an older sister and zero memories of playing together and bonding. Zero. Do remember her telling me I wasn't allowed play with her and her friends etc. Won't sit with me on the school bus etc. We are complete opposites, she's straight edge and I'm a rebel. Probably no closer than I would be to a cousin who I didn't see often.

Your bond with your sister is no guarantee your dc would have the same.

I dont understand why you have to have an extension to have more DC. Think bunk beds ikea storage etc. Or is this an issue with ex wife saying half syblings cant stay over if any more DC due to lack of space? Im sorry you are feeling down. Talking to someone close can help. Ask a friend out for a coffee and go blah its amazing how much better it can make you feel. Sending hugs

I'm an only child and not lonely!

I have loads of friends and a great relationship with my parents and I am also quite thoughtful and giving, despite how I am labelled by many for being an only child.

I also only have one child with no plans to have any more... shock horror!

I don't really have much advise but would just like to comment on how truly thoughtful you are.

Sounds to me like you are a very caring person and you are considering the feelings of everybody involved in the family dynamics.

You sound overwhelmed though and PND will make things increasingly harder.

Why don't you just enjoy your DC and situation for what it is now and not worry so much for the future. Life may bring bigger and better changes for you and the situation with the EX may improve - you never know!

Take time to think about yourself right now as you are experiencing PND and that's no walk in the park!

Things - I do understand that. I know theres a chance they wouldn't get along. I am over thinking. I'm just so frustrated that essentially it comes down to an ex having so much say in our future.

Not just ours but the SC as well. They love it here. They want to go away with us. They want to spend more time here. It's just the exw enjoys creating her "new" family with her bf and has openly admitted she gets jealous of them coming here. She is the type that will call and ask them to come home then cry on the phone to them when they say no. She also demanded DF pay extra to her a month for her to even consider them going away with us. Despite the court order saying they can. She then agreed to the holiday, let us tell the children, and then went back on it.

It is the EW that is creating the problem regarding space. She would complain about it and kick up a fuss. Despite the kids being more than happy.

I just hate how it's all one big ball of mess I guess. Each thing knocks onto the other and creates this giant overwhelming shitstorm in my head.

I want everyone to be happy, DC, SC and DF. I just don't want an ex having such a huge impact on all our lives.

*advice

I dont really understand this?

Do all the dc have a room each?
How can you afford an extension (ok it fell through but you would still need to decorate, funish etc) yet he cant afford £250 to go to court?
Why are you worring about your child missin out after eow when currently their is no eow?

I honestly think this is your pnd speaking op.

I do hope things with the ex will improve. When me and DF got together we went to great lengths to create a nice relationship between us all. Even down to me offering her somewhere to stay when she claimed home life was bad.

But every time we have thought things will be okay she has kicked off again. We thought a court order would be the last of it all but sadly not. What is terrible is as much as I'm moaning about the impact it may have on my DC we see the impact it has on the SC and its heartbreaking.

It is the EW that is creating the problem regarding space. She would complain about it and kick up a fuss

How can she have a say on your 2 dc sharing a bedroom?

You're being irrational OP. Kids share rooms. If you're making this in to an issue you don't really need to be.

If you have another DC then deal with what comes from it, but it is not down to his EW to dictate if that happens or not by threats. Stop being silly.

We have EOW.

Money for extention was coming from a very generous offer off my parents. We can afford court if we scrimp (which I will be doing to make sure we can now the financial aspect has fallen through) . It's more the prospect of constantly having to throw money at a situation, have her be told she is wrong. Think its resolved. Then she just bloody ignores it anyway!

It isn't me that has an issue with our two sharing a room. I think that's more than fine personally. Especially as the room isn't tiny.

Nor do I agree EW should have any impact on our lives.

DF just doesn't want the drama that will come and the potential of her refusing contact because it suits her.

If I'm honest I find it lovely he is doing all he can for his DC to make sure he sees them. I wouldn't want another with him if he dismissed the idea of her withholding contact.

I'm just frustrated.

So what are you taking her back to court for? This sounds so jumbled.

I apologise, my brain is very jumbled itself right now.

We have eow, we are taking her back to court for ignoring court orders on holidays and things like Christmas and that. We are also taking her back for reducing eow when it suits etc.

With respect, your DF needs to make sure that your lives are not dictated to by the exW.

Borrow the money from your parents if you need to to get the court order sorted. What is the existing order that ExW keeps breaking? Is it a Child Arrangements Order? Does your DF want an enforcement of the order, or amendments to it? Get him to sit down and be very specific and factual in noting every breach of the order. If the order is too vague (for example, about holidays) get it pinned down to say exactly what will happen. Make sure ExW puts any agreements in writing, so that if she goes back on an agreement, the agreement was documented.

The rest will follow. The ExW cannot object to your children sharing a room, nor will it affect contact. But in your position I would let the issues with the court order get sorted and settle down before having a frank conversation with DF (or DH if he is by then) about having another child.

I don't know why you refer to you DC as an only child when they have siblings.

Also, you don't need money to go to court. It costs £215 to make an application and self represent. Could your parents not loan you that if you are struggling?

Sorry you are having a bad day. You may not see it now but most things will get resolved in time. Your housing situation may change over time or you could move house. You have a beautiful new baby just make the most of and enjoy her.

could it be your DF doesn't actually want anymore children and is using the inability to do an extension as the excuse?