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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

CF in maternity clinic

104 replies

LongHotSummer24715 · 23/10/2018 13:18

I'm in the hospital maternity clinic and it is packed as usual. Everyone given the same appointment time so not enough chairs for women and partners. It's the same every week and so badly organised.
A young woman and her partner sat down beside me, she went to get water and someone else took her seat. When she came back her partner gave her a sheepish grin and continued to look down at his phone leaving her standing! I'm 39 weeks but offered her my seat as she seemed embarrassed. Lots of people were looking at him with mouths open but no one said anything.
Now that I look around there are quite a lot of men sitting with women standing. Considering where we are I don't think I'm being unreasonable to expect the expecting mammys to get a seat .

I don't bring my DH or DS here as it's always a 3 hour wait in a sweltering waiting room to see all the consultants

OP posts:

roundturnandtwohalfhitches · 23/10/2018 15:55

What is it with making pregnant women wait for hours. Every clinic I attended when pregnant meant waiting for ages. I attended 2 consultant ones at the end of my pregnancy and was told by the nurse after waiting 3 hours at the first one that they booked everyone to come at 12 but the consultants didn't get back off their lunch until 2. It was hellish- hot packed waiting room full of loads of heavily pregnant women with complications- many with other kids. That gave me the rage. Second time I didn't get out until after 4 and was in for about 5 minutes.

AngelsSins · 23/10/2018 15:58

It doesn’t matter if he was unwell or disabled though, he didn’t NEED to be there!

ceirrno · 23/10/2018 15:59

He could well be disabled and on the whole, a straightforward, non complicated, pregnancy will have fast less effect on the mothers ability to stand than a great many hidden conditions that I could think of.

Yes, he could be an arse, but why does everyone always assume that?

SuperstarDJ · 23/10/2018 16:01

Why didn’t she tell him to move I wonder. If it were my partner I’d tell him to get up so I could sit down (not that I’d need to as he wouldn’t be such a selfish twat). MN seems full of threads about subservant, meek, mild women lately. If half of them were true it would be depressing.

Jux · 23/10/2018 16:13

I used to brazenly ask. Not once did anyone refuse to get up for me. Bus, train, clinics etc I'd be a hussy, shove my distended belly at the and say loudly "could I sit down please?".

RuggerHug · 23/10/2018 16:36

This is Holles St isn't it?

LizzieBennettDarcy · 23/10/2018 16:41

I'm very relieved that my mum taught me to take no nonsense from people.

What sort of muppet would stand whilst an ignorant arsehole of a man hogs a seat??!?!

LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag · 23/10/2018 16:58

I had a non-pregnancy scan recently and was feeling absolutely dire so my heart sank when I turned up at the ultrasound department to find the room packed. Luckily a nice man immediately jumped up for me without any prompting. I didn't tell him I wasn't pregnant cos I honestly think I'd have passed out if I'd had to stand for more than a couple of minutes. I thought it was normal behaviour and certainly something I'd do if I was in the right situation but this thread makes me realise it's sadly unusual.

Trinity66 · 23/10/2018 17:01

It's been 15 years I was pregnant and from what i remember this would never have happened back then, I can't believe anyone would let a pregnant woman stand especially in a waiting room specifically for pregnant womens appointments

Louise8888 · 23/10/2018 17:25

It’s not just maternity clinics that are like this.

I once had to sit on the floor at the fracture clinic with my arm in a cast as I was feeling so unwell and didn’t feel up to asking if someone could move for me. I was on my own so didn’t have anyone else to ask for me either. Over half the seats were taken by friends/relatives. The staff appeared to be too busy to notice.

eloliphant · 23/10/2018 17:27

I'm not sure if he deserves to be called a misogynistic pig?! He may well have a disability that we have no idea about or she may have been more comfortable standing

crispysausagerolls · 23/10/2018 17:58

Usually I think these men are Cf, but the fact his wife lets him sit down makes me think there is a reason? And if he’s just a dick and she wants to sit she really should’ve said something.

ALongHardWinter · 23/10/2018 18:01

Good grief! What is wrong with some men nowadays?

Upslidedown · 23/10/2018 18:07

I was once at a work event and waddled in to see a row of six seated men in the foyer who ignored me.

My pelvic pain was horrendous so I just said "I'm not fat, I'm pregnant" really loudly. Three of them blushed and jumped out of their seats. One offered to get me a glass of water.

I wasn't a very patient or tolerant pregnant person.

0hT00dles · 23/10/2018 18:32

@ruggerhug Holles Street is hell!!!! I was told by a midwife and consultant that they’re waiting on a new section to open up! When I went in very overdue and with limited movements, the staff kept apologising as the machines were so old and the waiting with in the day clinic for those waiting for emergency is not fair.

blackteasplease · 23/10/2018 18:38

Glad the midwife came out and roared at them but wtf do they need telling!

Original poster

LongHotSummer24715 · 23/10/2018 18:39

Yes @ruggerhug it was Holles St, the outpatient clinic is horrific. Hopefully it's my last one!

The couple were very young, no more than 18. She was embarrassed that he didn't offer her the seat so I felt uncomfortable to watch and offered her my seat beside him. She would have been left standing in the middle of the waiting room, not proped against a wall and obviously out of place. She looked shy & he just looked naive.
I had no problem wedging my giant ass in between two gentlemen on another bench! Not surprisingly one got up (he was probably struggling to breathe!)

If he has a hidden disability there are seating areas outside that he could have comfortably waited for her. There were at least 20 seated men today, it's not likely that they all had mobility issues.

And yes I agree to applies to female non patients too.

OP posts:

Bluelady · 23/10/2018 18:48

I don't understand what they're all there for anyway. Is there really any need for all these men to clutter up maternity clinic waiting rooms?

Sexnotgender · 23/10/2018 18:54

It’s not just maternity clinics, ignorant arseholes are everywhere.

More than once I’ve taken my daughter to A&E, serious heart condition and frequent bouts of pneumonia aren’t a great combination.
The number of times I’ve turned up and the waiting room is packed as several people seem to think it’s a family jolly rather than a hospital.
I’ve been left standing holding a very sick child.
Thankfully with triage we usually get seen as a priority which often causes ructions as little Timmy and his 15 relatives have been waiting ages...

0hT00dles · 23/10/2018 19:43

@LongHotSummer24715 my dh didn’t come to appts in Holles Street because of this! Funnily enough, my story relates to being checked in to Holles Street. You wouldn’t mind if the seats were comfortable but they’re horrendous. To be fair, the midwives do their best with shouting at people to move, but the men and other visitors with pregnant women just sit back down.

I used to get in for 7:15am for the 8am clinic. Any later and you’re hours waiting!

Namelessinseattle · 23/10/2018 20:58

My story was holles st true and they were amazing that time! It was when emergency/clinics were in the same place. The emergency room is in a different place now and I doubt there’s anyone who’s watching anymore.

Chulainn · 23/10/2018 21:57

The semi private clinic at Holles St was awful during my 3 pregnancies. First was the queue up the stairs waiting to give a sample, then the waiting room to see the consultant (who might or might not be there) and the fight for a seat. It was horrendous. I understand some people have hidden disabilities but when faced with pregnant women who might be uncomfortable (or in my case due to SPD bad pain) surely a seated man should either offer his seat or explain briefly why his need for a seat is greater than the patients. They don't need to go until detail - a simple "I'd offer my seat but .." would suffice. Keeping the head down and pretending not to see pregnant women standing is just rude.

Chulainn · 23/10/2018 21:58

Into - not until

Tiredtomybones · 23/10/2018 23:16

Yanbu

londonmummy1966 · 24/10/2018 15:37

It's not just maternity clinics - dd had to go into paediatric a&e recently with concussion and possible neck injury. Spent more than 12 hours sitting on a table in the middle of the room as there were no free chairs as most children were accompanied by at least 2 adults. Managed a couple of hours on a bed only to be turfed out despite half the other beds being used as ipad stands by families with toddlers in buggies but that's another story.....

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