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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF in maternity clinic

104 replies

LongHotSummer24715 · 23/10/2018 13:18

I'm in the hospital maternity clinic and it is packed as usual. Everyone given the same appointment time so not enough chairs for women and partners. It's the same every week and so badly organised.
A young woman and her partner sat down beside me, she went to get water and someone else took her seat. When she came back her partner gave her a sheepish grin and continued to look down at his phone leaving her standing! I'm 39 weeks but offered her my seat as she seemed embarrassed. Lots of people were looking at him with mouths open but no one said anything.
Now that I look around there are quite a lot of men sitting with women standing. Considering where we are I don't think I'm being unreasonable to expect the expecting mammys to get a seat Confused.

I don't bring my DH or DS here as it's always a 3 hour wait in a sweltering waiting room to see all the consultants

OP posts:
tiredgirly · 23/10/2018 13:57

I think she should have said 'non patients' and 'patients' not 'men' and 'women'. I am guessing there are female supporters, and children there too?

EleanorLavish · 23/10/2018 13:57

Just a reminder that not every disability is visible...
But of course, able bodied should stand up for pregnant women.

LethalWhite · 23/10/2018 13:59

The amount of people in maternity clinics who bring a (useless) dp, two badly behaved children and they all take up a seat whilst the children cause chaos - unbelievable.

Or women who turn up with their DP, Mum and close friend, then start hugging and eye rolling at the inevitable wait.

I mostly go alone, as I’m an adult female who isn’t completley incapable. DH just came to the main scans and the birth. But as I had complications, I was there twice weekly and saw the same people coming back with a posse every week!

Miggeldy · 23/10/2018 14:03

Is this in Dublin, at the Coombe? There was a very similar story to this about 2 years ago, on the radio in Ireland.

AjasLipstick · 23/10/2018 14:03

Fuck em all.

We live longer anyway.

UnRavellingFast · 23/10/2018 14:07

@AjasLipstick Grin

Aeroflotgirl · 23/10/2018 14:08

Wow lucky her with a partner like that. So awful she cannot ask him to stand. Good on the nurse though. I wonder how he is like to her behind closed doors.

ItchySeveredFoot · 23/10/2018 14:12

Seems like it happens at every maternity clinic! Although I will say if it had been me and my dp I would have stood because he's disabled. It's not obvious looking at him. When I was pregnant we would take turns if it was busy because he really can't stand for long.

randomsabreuse · 23/10/2018 14:15

I felt bad enough taking my badly behaved toddler to a growth scan (helpful last minute change to appointment that had been booked (by them) 15 weeks earlier and I'd sorted childcare to do without). DH has done 12, 20 and will do birth and possibly any consultant appointments if I get any...

SilverLining10 · 23/10/2018 14:16

More fool her for not saying anything. If she wasnt going to then why would anyone else be expected to leap to her defence and say anything. Yanbu that men should not be sitting if theres a room full of women standing but this lady has mouth as well and she should have said something.

PositivelyPERF · 23/10/2018 14:19

SilverLining10 has it not occurred to you that she might be in an abusive relationship? Is it really outside your spectrum of experience to even consider that?

unyummy4amummy · 23/10/2018 14:20

I used to go alone, as the lack of seats and the long boring wait wasn't a good combination. I feel very sorry for the woman, unless her DP has a medical condition that means he needs the seat.

If her DP is like that now, what on earth is he going to be like when the child arrives...

It reminds me of once on the tube when an elderly gentleman got on. He had a stick and clearly had problems walking. The carriage was packed and of course, I offered him my seat as it was the right and polite thing to do.

He made me smile when loudly announced that he was sure that none of the many gentlemen in the carriage would allow a lady to stand when they could offer him a seat. Cue lots of red faces, mumbles and three offers of a seat. What a guy.

Namelessinseattle · 23/10/2018 14:21

I was in a&e having a miscarriage and it was empty and my husband sat beside me and the nurse was out like a flash and shifted him out. She was like nope, only for patients, sit over there maybe- until more people come in then stand there. I was v impressed.

CatOwned · 23/10/2018 14:22

I would be tempted to get near him and say: "You must be the first pregnant man in history! What, you're not pregnant? Then get your arse out of this chair."

Ceara · 23/10/2018 14:23

DH would have needed the seat more than me, when I was pregnant, due to one of those hidden disabilities mentioned above. (Though DH would have insisted - and did insist - on standing anyway.) Her partner might be unwell. On the other hand.... probably just a proper charmer.

Jarline · 23/10/2018 14:27

I feel your pain with the 3-hr clinics, ours was the name and the midwives regularly had to roar at the men to get up and let the ladies sit.

What really disappointed me one day was there was a lady who had an entourage, who appeared to be her mum, and two sisters/friends with her - all of whom sat chatting as pregnant ladies stood around them. They had the cheek to giggle when the midwife gave out to the seated blokes......

OlennasWimple · 23/10/2018 14:32

One of the few benefits of having a premature birth is that I had very little experience of waiting for maternity clinics... I'd have been the mouthy one saying loudly to her "Do you want a seat? I'm sure someone will give you theirs"

Littlechocola · 23/10/2018 14:36

He might have a good reason which would explain her not saying anything and him not moving when prompted?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/10/2018 14:41

POor bloody woman, being with such a misogynistic pig.
Glad the nurse embarrassed MOST of the men there but shame it didn't filter through to your neighbour!

However, she is the one who needs to tell him to get off his arse, really - assuming no abuse (which we can't ever really do) then she needs to start making her needs known. Obviously if abuse, then nothing will help. :(

spugzbunny · 23/10/2018 14:41

There are signs up in mine saying seats are for patients only and visitors may sit only if space.

reforder · 23/10/2018 14:42

CUMH by any chance OP?!

Iaimtomisbehave1 · 23/10/2018 14:47

I used to love this. I think I actually quite enjoy confronting cheeky fucks like that coz when I was pregnant and at these appointment I loved loudly saying "excuse me, but if you're able bodied don't you think you should stand up and let the pregnant patients sit down?!?". It usually worked coz if they tried to say anything back, a receptionist would pipe up and tell them they should move.

HundredMilesAnHour · 23/10/2018 14:48

It used to be the same when I had to take my husband to the cancer clinic. Lazy bastards sitting on their arses, while ill and even terminally ill people stood.

This.

I go to the cancer clinic alone and whilst I appreciate that it's a very emotional and tough experience and people need support, it winds me up no end that patients end up standing while some visitors take up seats.

But for a man to let his pregnant partner stand while he sits, that's just appalling. Also makes you wonder what their relationship is like when she didn't ask him to move so she could sit down. Tough times ahead for her I think. Poor woman.

dontalltalkatonce · 23/10/2018 14:56

YANBU

Nesssie · 23/10/2018 14:57

I'm sure if she had really wanted to sit down she could have asked him.

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