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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF in maternity clinic

104 replies

LongHotSummer24715 · 23/10/2018 13:18

I'm in the hospital maternity clinic and it is packed as usual. Everyone given the same appointment time so not enough chairs for women and partners. It's the same every week and so badly organised.
A young woman and her partner sat down beside me, she went to get water and someone else took her seat. When she came back her partner gave her a sheepish grin and continued to look down at his phone leaving her standing! I'm 39 weeks but offered her my seat as she seemed embarrassed. Lots of people were looking at him with mouths open but no one said anything.
Now that I look around there are quite a lot of men sitting with women standing. Considering where we are I don't think I'm being unreasonable to expect the expecting mammys to get a seat Confused.

I don't bring my DH or DS here as it's always a 3 hour wait in a sweltering waiting room to see all the consultants

OP posts:
Wildheartsease · 23/10/2018 14:59

His behaviour seems outrageous in not giving up the seat. However, it is possible that he has some unseen disability.

Bluntness100 · 23/10/2018 15:02

Agreed, it could have been he had a disability and she looked embarrassed because she knew people were judging them.

reforder · 23/10/2018 15:03

She really shouldn't have to nessie!

ThirdChildFourthPile · 23/10/2018 15:04

I have to go to these clinics and one person came with her partner and two friends. They were loud and laughing and squealing but what pissed me off the most was there not being enough room for those who were pregnant and their backs were to the entrance so they were oblivious to the pregnant women standing.

I wish I had the guts to say something. I'm embarassed to say that I didn't.

Liverbird77 · 23/10/2018 15:05

Although he annoys the hell out of me sometimes, I am so, so happy to be married to my husband. He would not dream of me standing and would be on his feet for any pregnant woman.

GunpowderGelatine · 23/10/2018 15:06

This is a real bone of contention with me. Wether you are 3 weeks pregnant or 39 weeks, you should get a seat because you're the patient and not all pregnancies are a breeze. This often comes up on MN and I've noticed it IRL with all my pregnancies.

Looking around a maternity clinic waiting room is like viewing an artist's impression of male entitlement.

ReanimatedSGB · 23/10/2018 15:08

Yes, it's possible that this particular man has some sort of non-obvious health condition (hence the sheepish smile) and is embarrassed about it. But he should have the sense - and good manners - to say 'Sorry, everyone but I have [whatever] and can't stand up for long.' I suppose some people would rather be thought of as rude dickheads than admit to being ill or 'weak', though.

GunpowderGelatine · 23/10/2018 15:08

Re the mentioning something - I know those of us not in abusive relationships often judge other couples by our own normal standards, but is this is an abusive relationship (not entirely unlikely when he treats her like that and she won't say anything) speaking up is not a good idea - because you won't be the one paying for it later, she will. An abusive man won't magically see the error of his ways from someone else pointing out what a dick he is. The best thing to do is to ask another man to move.

TisMeTheLadFromTheBar · 23/10/2018 15:10

Our midwife used to come out and shout "the seating is for the pregnant people". Grin

0hT00dles · 23/10/2018 15:12

Happens everywhere so! On the morning I was brought in to be induced, another woman was sat waiting and her dp was sitting down beside her. Me at 42 weeks and bricking it left standing. He pop off to get water and so I took his seat.

He came back with a face like thunder and my dh was quick to point out the sign and the fact I was very overdue and in pain. He was really, really annoyed still and so was his partner😒 if my dh had taken a seat, he’d have quickly got a word from me!

I mentioned it to the registrar when checking in and she said that unfortunately it’s far too common and they’re sick of people ignoring them!

HollowTalk · 23/10/2018 15:20

Oh this is where I'd love the DM to go in and take photos of the entitled twats.

Shampooeeee · 23/10/2018 15:20

Surely the bigger question is "why do women breed with these cretins?"

GunpowderGelatine · 23/10/2018 15:21

Surely the bigger question is "why do women breed with these cretins?"

Ah, not a thread about women without a bit of blaming them for men's actions ey

ThirdChildFourthPile · 23/10/2018 15:22

Ah so it's the woman's fault for getting pregnant by the selfish bastard.

Of course it is. Hmm

Redboxonwheels · 23/10/2018 15:23

This is the 21st century, right?
Or have we time-slipped back to 1818?
If my DS ever acts like that in future, I’d be ashamed of him.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/10/2018 15:24

It is awful, as it really shows the worse in men. A maternity clinic is where you should not find this behaviour, but unfortunately it seems that it does.

Shampooeeee · 23/10/2018 15:24

I'm not blaming the women for the men's actions, they are fully responsible for their own behaviour. I'm just aghast that this seems to be common and wondering why anyone would choose a life partner with such terrible manners.

AlexanderHamilton · 23/10/2018 15:28

It is possible that he could have a hidden disability (but not likely that all the accompanying men did.

Dh was taken seriously ill last summer. He up until that point was a very fit, healthy early 40's man who ran every day.

After an initial assessment he was sent to wait in the relatives room. It was full but he managed to get a seat. The room filled up full of mostly very elderly relatives. Dh said he felt absolutely awful taking up a seat but there was no way he could stand. Luckily after about 10 minutes the dr came out and hooked him up to a machine.

6 months later and although he often looks fine on the outside it is still likely that he would require a seat more than a pregnant woman not suffering any complications.

Shampooeeee · 23/10/2018 15:28

I was on a packed bus the other day and watched teenagers sitting down while lots of elderly people stood. I would be horrified if my child did that in the future. I don't want to raise a selfish twat and I certainly don't want to be partnered with one either. It's not woman- blaming to state that.

Winniefred · 23/10/2018 15:29

I let rip once 18yrs ago at Maternity Clinic over this very thing, it was along the lines of "Right Gents, when you are suffering the blistering and painful side effects of your night of passion, then and only then do you get to hog the seats, up now and take the strain for the team" 2 blustered but every man jack of the selfish gits jumped, the Mum's clapped! The joys of Autism are that you get to have smart mouth compulsion, LOL

ThirdChildFourthPile · 23/10/2018 15:29

The issue is with the man. Yet you put the issue as entirely the woman's issue

surely the bigger question is "why do women breed with these cretins"

Aeroflotgirl · 23/10/2018 15:33

Good on you Winniefred need more women like you Smile.

Ignoramusgiganticus · 23/10/2018 15:43

Wow.

Bluelady · 23/10/2018 15:44

I wouldn't worry too much about "elderly" people standing. In the last few months people have started offering me a seat. As I have no disability, am in the rudest of health and obviously not pregnant, I always refuse. I have no more need of a seat than anyone else, the date on my birth certificate is irrelevant.

The only time I've ever accepted a seat was when someone noticed I was on the verge of fainting on a very hot tube a few years ago. It's usually me who stands up for a pregnant woman.

LizB62A · 23/10/2018 15:49

Why did you give her your seat and leave him sitting down?!

I wouldn't have - I'd have pointed the signs out to both of them and left them to it