ExH being a “Facebook dad”

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My ExH and I actually get on relatively well. He is a good dad in the sense he sees DS regularly and has always paid maintenance.
However there is one thing that really irritates me and it’s the way he posts about our son on social media.

I have no problem if he wants to share photos, that’s up to him, but he uses my photos of DS to make himself look like a better parent than he is.

We have a WhatsApp group with him, ExPIL and my DM and I’ll regularly share pics with them of DS doing nice things for example first day at nursery, first swimming lesson as I want them to be involved and feel part of his life.

Ex then posts these on his Facebook page with captions implying he’s done these things with him and then gets comments such as “Oh wow! What a fab trip, you’re such a good dad” etc. And it irritates the hell out of me.

Our son had a recent spell in hospital and I didn’t leave his bedside, barely slept for 48 hours and looked after him. Ex came for one visit for 35 mins then left again.
The day before he came I had sent him a pic of DS hooked up to drips etc and explained he couldn’t FaceTime him because he was sleeping.
Ex then posted this pic of our little boy looking very poorly and vulnerable (and in a state of undress) on Facebook with a woe is me status about how worried he is about him etc.

I am absolutely raging!!!! Using our sick child to garner likes?!!! I feel like he’s violated DS’s right to dignity! Also if he was that bothered then why wasn’t he with me at his bedside when he actually needed him?

I really don’t want to fall out with Ex if I can help it (it’s taken years to get to the good place we’re at currently) but I can’t let this go. He’s massively overstepped a line IMO and I need to say something to him about it.

AIBU to be cross at him? How do I broach this without causing WW3? He’s not a reasonable man and doesn’t like “being told what to do”.
The obvious thing would be to no longer share any pics of DS but that will mean the GPs miss out and ExPIL will no doubt just send whatever pics I’ve taken on to ExH if they know he’s no longer in the group chat

I would constantly add comments like "I know, it's so sad you couldn't make the other three Christmas Days :((("

"It's so sad you couldn't make this (swimming lesson) - hopefully you will be able to make one soon"

OP: my ex is a bit like this, disney dad and all that. Posts loads of photos of the kids, reality isnt quite like that. Not the same thing, but I moved out my things properly recently as I had been in rented which was furnished, now living in my own place. He posted on facebook pictures of an empty house, and how sad it was etc.

Thing is, i offered to leave all the furtniture as we are selling, he insisted on telling me to take more than I needed (so when he moves its less to move) and in all there is one room actually empty (my offcie). He must have moved our exsisting furntiure around to make it look empty. it wasn't I have been round, looks fine. Actually looks better than it did!! I know this as also a friend asked me if I really had stripped the house bare, he was searching for sympathy, but most people knew that wasnt the case (who I give a shit about).

Anyway, my point is, anyone whose opinion counts, they know already. The rest, fuck em.

Stop sharing photos so he can't use them.

I would unblock him for the sole purpose of commenting on his facebook saying 'Take this down.' Despicable behaviour.

From then on no pictures.

Tbh I would reply wankery comments on all of his pictures so that everyone knew the truth but you sound a bigger person than I am, OP.

It's only relatively recently with the advent of decent cameras on phones that photos are taken so frequently. Yes I know we don't have to live in the dark ages when technology has moved on but my point is that we all coped just fine before. It's not going to kill your ExPiL not having the photos you've taken if your ex is using them against you - it's your ex's job to share that kind of thing with his parents, not yours.

Before you send the pictures, edit them and write on the actual picture, in a place where it would be weird to crop out. Write something like 'me and mum feeding the ducks' 😁

I'm aware of how petty this is 😂

Na I like that, glamorous

I did think about a cease and desist notice before.
Other than these twatty things he posts on social media everything is fine between us. I’ve let so much anger go and I’m in a better place for it.
The pic of DS is what’s tipped me over the edge though

ExH was same when DCs were younger. Yes it is bloody irritating when they're a "for show" dad, and you're the one really doing the child rearing.

It's all so women can swoon (as many seem to do so easily - what IS it with FB?!) re brilliant dad/the perfect man /look how wonderful he is, how can his ex be such a bitch etc. Ridiculous. Grown people overly invested in FB attention and validation

Agree with pp's, stop sending the pics. Id not have him publicly slandering me either, he needs a solicitor's letter. Sometimes you can go far in forever striving to keep the peace, when clearly others don't want to keep the peace with you

On the other hand, I do like glamorous' 's style..a bit of petty wouldn't go amiss 😁

Pics to your parents only. If the x-PiL want pics, then let your exH take his own for them. If they ask why you've stopped tell them the truth, that their son is appropriating your pictures and implying on FB that he was not only there when they were taken, but had actually taken them himself.

I'd not bother trying to talk to your ex. No point.

There is a way of getting those pictures taken down.

Find out what pictures you took that he shared on SM and copyright them. Better yet, copyright all pictures you shared with the family that he has access to.

Tell him then that he has to take down the pictures he doesn't own.
If he won't comply, do a copyright take-down notice via Facebook and other platforms he has posted them on.

Also, I would further like to add that you have my sympathies. His behavior is really dispicable. It would be bad enough if he used pictures he took with his son as a prop, but to steal them from you is beyond low. What a dick-weasel your ex is.

This is why you’re no longer married to him, you don’t have to live with all this shit 24/7 and it’s just on Facebook

You can't say anything as it's up to him what he posts.
Stop sharing pics with his family, just send to your dm, problem sorted.

I have recently started taking the majority of the pics in front of this sign on my bedroom door

"The obvious thing would be to no longer share any pics of DS but that will mean the GPs miss out and ExPIL will no doubt just send whatever pics I’ve taken on to ExH if they know he’s no longer in the group chat"

Would it be possible for you to 'watermark' the pictures with wording, before you post them?

Sort of
"Proud Mummy taking DS for first swimming lesson, have booked a great teacher"

[Disclaimer: I have no idea how you do this, but do have a FB who 'watermarks' all her photos with comments]

You can’t stop what he does. But you can do things differently yourself

• stop sending pictures
• send only pics of you and your son together
• watermark the photos you send with mum and son having a good time “”

Honestly, I'd let it go. If you want to do something, have a "grandparents only" group on What's App.

My ex does something similar, although he at least takes his own photos. He'll dig out an old photo of dd and caption it to say he is missing her so much, while turning down offers of extra time and ignoring her when she's with him (except for the photo ops). He's not going to change now.

"I have recently started taking the majority of the pics in front of this sign on my bedroom door"

Good idea, or, as a previous poster suggest, only send photographs that you are in too.

You could also send pictures where DS is holding a card saying what he's doing, special messages to PIL

"Hi, gran & grandad, this is me at soft play with mummy and my cousins".

Do what glamorous said. Write on the pics in a way it can’t be edited out.

Let him crack on with being a Disney dad. Very few people fall for it. The next time one of his friends has a crack call your ex on speaker phone and offer him to have his child on Xmas day or for extra days and let them hear him turning it down.

Only send pictures of you and your son together to ex and his parents. That way his parents still get pics of him but probably not ones your ex will want to post to social media.

If you don't like group selfies then ask someone you either trust or can out run to take a picture of you together with your phone.

stop sharing pics to the IL! it's not rocket science!

If they say anying tell them you don't want him plastering it all over FB as if he's dad of the year when actually he is very far short of it!

There's an app called free prints, which you can make a photobook on and get posted to the grandparents house.
They do one a month free where you just pay postage.
Much nicer than online as grandparents will have it to look at any time but also can't be easily posted online by ex.

Anyway, my point is, anyone whose opinion counts, they know already. The rest, fuck em.

This... times a million!

It would be nice if you could just say that you don't care about other people's opinions, but that won't be any good if you get death threats. We see this with women being called "transphobic" or accusing someone of rape. If you are the "b*tch ass" ex-wife then that could have a major impact on your life, up to the point where you have to go into hiding.

We no longer live in a world where we can afford to not care about other people's hate towards us.